Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

Yes, but would you want to be with a man who was so sexist that he thinks women need to "save" themselves to have any value? It seemed to me shagging him on the first date migth be a good way to weed out the misogynist wankbadgers early on.

Hell yeah. If it's good and it goes somewhere. Great. If it's good and it doesn't go anywhere, you've had a good shag. If it's shit then at least you know.

To put it simply..

I wouldn't. I would find it hard to maintain respect for a man who would fall into bed with a woman he has only just met.

No I wouldn't because I value my health above all else and would want to know a bit about his character/sexual past first. Condoms don't give 100% protection against all STD's.

Really. We are all different :) I would never sleep with someone whom I wasn't in a relationship with, call me strange but I don't believe in "casual sex" or "meeting up for fun" I refuse to put myself out like that.

I've for plenty of friends that sleep with people on the first date then they never hear from them again. A man knows a good woman... :)

Doesn't it boil down to what you want from the situation ? As long as you convey this clearly then this is clear for all concerned. I no longer "expect" others to think that they want a long term relationship either. Maybe I am too jaded, but this is quite true. I also do not even date the guy unless I can sense that it can be semi to long-term feel to this. But saying that, I did sleep with my ex within 6 months' timeframe.... It is a little bit different as you do get older somewhat to be honest. But the same fundamental does apply though. You got to trust the man, and that you do want to as well, and so forth.

With some guys, I just want to run the other way. I can just sense it. Don't ask me why on these kind of things. It just is.

With OD, a lot of people are more open and honest these days. Some say casual sex, and some say short term, and some say long term etc etc...

Do what makes you both happy.

I'm going to state the bleeding obvious but if you don't want to have sex then don't do it. I had a very similar dating experience a few years back and felt that I "owed" my date sex because of the "effort" he'd gone to. Frankly speaking, I needed to grow up and grow a pair, thankfully I did both.

FWIW I slept with my OH on our first date. The feeling was mutual. I fancied him, he fancied me - happy days

I wouldn't, personally.

I haven't since I became single again - but that's not to say I wouldn't if I wanted to. If it feels right and you want to OP - do it but do it safely.

I've for plenty of friends that sleep with people on the first date then they never hear from them again. A man knows a good woman...

I have no problem with a woman saying she doesn't feel comfortable having casual sex, I have a problem with someone thinking it is OK for men to judge a woman whom he has just had sex with for having sex with him. It also sounds like you are saying that your friends aren't "good women" when it certainly sounds like the men they had sex with were the crap ones.

Yes, if you both want to! Y y to what SGB said, especially on the Sacred Vagina myth/bollocks

My one night/random hookup 12 years ago is now my lovely DH. Which I point out to friends who wring their hands about sleeping with someone "too soon".

It's just sex, innit?

"A man knows a good woman" hahahahahahahahaha

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Thanks Betty Draper....

A good woman.

You have got to be fucking kidding me .

Have I banged my head and woken up in 1955?! Feminism has happened right?

If you want to then do it.

Fwiw from listening to the ODing experiences of friends and colleagues, it's very very rare that there's been a second date when they've slept with the guy on the first date.

I genuinely don't know why that is, but it's pretty much always the case.

I'd the chemistry is there why not..

If he acts like a twat afterwards at least you know sooner rather than later.

Whist that was a terrible comment and very badly put. I asked my 16 year old son about this type of thing the other night and believe me Im bringing him up to respect women. He said that he doesn't want to go with a girl that sleeps around as she has no respect for herself, also how many other boys has she "done" it with. It seems that this is a predominantly "male" mind set.

I don't think that talking online for 6 months before actually meeting someone suggests a lot of sexual chemistry to br honest.

I think the longer you spend talking to someone 'online', the more of a false persona they ( and you) can build. Far better to meet up quickly and see if the spark is there.

And yes one of my 'first dates' lasted for 3 days and turned into a 6 month relationship.

Tinks42 yet I presume if one of his male friends is sleeping with lots of girls, then he's a stud?

It's so frustrating. I'm not in any way suggesting you're not raising him in the best way possible, I'm just frustrated at this kind of attitude, as you describe!

Men need to be telling boys that a woman's worth or self-respect is not based on what she does behind closed doors and with whom! Otherwise we're just a stones' throw away from "she was asking for it"....

mmm reading mums net makes me realise how much I've missed out on.

As you have said Zara it is extremely frustrating (bashes head on keyboard) In saying that he is still a virgin due to wanting to wait for something meaningful rather than what some of his friends do.

I slept with dh on our first date eleven years ago

Think about it: do you really want to be with a man who judges you for sex on the first night?! If he is that shallow or uptight, where does it end?

Seems to me sex is a good marker of his attitudes - if he judges you, sure, it's sad and awkward, but better to know than to find out later he's a wanker.

What an inane question to ask,if you want to have a bang,you're adult up to you

Yeah, those men who know a "good woman"... Not so keen on the sexually liberated, independent woman are they? Much rather shag about while they wait for a nice surrendered wife type to come along.

I say shag if you want a shag (use a condom because you don't know where he's been) and if he buggers off afterwards? No harm done. You got to find out he was a cock and you got a shag. Win, win!