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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
Conservative · 14/06/2014 11:09

Sex on a first date is disgusting. To be honest I think that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but if you must do it, at least do it within a committed relationship.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/06/2014 11:17

Conservative, how does sex on the first date disgust you? Is it because you did it and were disgusted with yourself? Or is it because people you know who DTD on a first date invite you to watch and you find that disgusting?

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/06/2014 11:18

How do you know it is disgusting? Have you tried it much?

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/06/2014 11:19

xpost dion!

It's like someone saying guacamole is disgusting and theyve never eaten an avocado!

MostWicked · 14/06/2014 11:19

There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date, but be prepare for the relationship to be just about sex
Why on earth would sex on the first date, mean that the relationship becomes about sex? Relationships develop, grow and change over time. A first date at the cinema doesn't make the whole relationship about films!
Not many first dates are JUST sex and nothing else. Other things would be involved.

The equivalent is boy meets girl on a night out and exchange numbers. They go on a date to a nice restaurant but she pays half and he pays half.
There is nothing wrong with the above but it certainly won't help the man in the long run.
Same with with sex on the first date.

I am REALLY confused by this. It won't help the man if he allows her to pay half the bill? Because.....???

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/06/2014 11:21

actually conservative is trolling..because if they really think you shouldn't have sex outside marriage they would not accept a committed relationship as that still isn't acceptable for religious reasons. IS it?

MostWicked · 14/06/2014 11:23

Sex on a first date is disgusting. To be honest I think that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but if you must do it, at least do it within a committed relationship.

But what if you really, really, really like sex, but really, really, really don't want a relationship?

Is there any point when sex isn't disgusting? What about if you avoid penetration, but do everything else instead?

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/06/2014 11:25

mostwicked

Mrskeats · 14/06/2014 11:35

My Ons became an fwb then my bf. Still together after 7 months.
If you want it and it feels right then go for it.
It does not mean the end of a relationship at all.

Conservative · 14/06/2014 11:43

Sex is a wonderful thing within marriage, casual is clearly wrong and within a relationship (not marriage) is a lesser wrong. These are just my views

GarlicJuneBlooms · 14/06/2014 11:46

Oof, Really. Only watched the first six seconds of your link, and that's enough!

Just adding my bit to this rather 19th century discussion: I've had quite a few one-night stands that were one-offs because I DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER. You know, sometimes I just fancied a shag. Other times it was good sex & awful personality, or the other way around. Can't say I've ever felt the need to bargain my body against the promise of a relationship.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/06/2014 11:49

Conservative, maybe casual sex is not right for you. Have you ever tried it? But it is not "clearly wrong". It is very right for many of those who chose it.

MostWicked · 14/06/2014 11:50

ReallyFuckingFedUp LOL

Conservative "casual is clearly wrong" You are clearly on the wrong thread

arsenaltilidie · 14/06/2014 12:06

Most: you can't compare going to the cinema and dtd on the first date. DTD on the first date will likely make you into a FWB.
It won't help because most women will think he is a cheapskate.
Both cases are sexist.

SGB: MOST men are up front about their intentions and women tend to over analyse what it means. However people are allowed to change their minds before or after sex.
It's funny how you say 'who says men chose the relationships' and then you complain about how men disappear after sex.
They are involuntary celibate men and involuntary solitude women. At the end of the day women choose who they have sex with and men choose who they have relationships with. You may try to say otherwise but eventually people will come to that conclusion.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/06/2014 12:33

Arse, you're missing the point again. Some people overanalyse, or think they can be The One To Tame The Player. But some men (and it is far more often men who do this, simply because of the longstanding myth that sex is something men take from women) do actively manipulate women, not just into engaging in sex but into thinking that there may be a romantic connection between them with the full intention of dumping the woman immediately after sex. It's PUA stuff - women are to be 'conquered' and and it's not enough to have mutually enjoyable sex. The woman has to be humiliated and put in her place in some way, otherwise the misogynist man hasn't 'won' the encounter.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/06/2014 12:38

Oh, and that myth?

"women choose who they have sex with and men choose who they have relationships with. You may try to say otherwise but eventually people will come to that conclusion."
It's bullshit. Not all women want relationships, not all men want sex, not everybody is heterosexual. Everybody is entitled to ask for and to refuse sex or a relationship. Decent people ask nicely and accept refusal gracefully. Decent people neither make assumptions nor do they actively mislead other people as to what's on offer, whether that's 'I'm happy just to have a bit of fun with you' when you want a relationship or 'I think I love you' when the intention is to hump and dump.

MostWicked · 14/06/2014 13:11

Most: you can't compare going to the cinema and dtd on the first date. DTD on the first date will likely make you into a FWB.
It won't help because most women will think he is a cheapskate.
Both cases are sexist.

I don't know how you have come to that conclusion. If a man thought differently of me because I chose to have sex on the first date, why on earth would I want to have any relationship with him at all? I have never had a relationship that was just about sex. My marriage most certainly isn't all about sex, though we had sex at the first opportunity we could!

So really you are advocating old fashioned traditional roles, where the man pays the bill and the woman refuses sex for a few weeks/months? because she will then see him as a provider and he will value her more as a conquest that he had to work and pay for!
And you are seriously suggesting that this is a healthy foundation for a long term relationship?

If that's the kind of relationship you want, then that's up to you, but it horrifies me. I want equal status in a relationship. We provide for each other and sex is a mutually pleasurable experience where we give to each other.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 14/06/2014 13:52

100 years ago, you didn't have sex before marriage.

50 years ago when my mum was born it as in a home for unwed mothers and my grandmother was ostracized.

Now single mothers aren't even given a second glance.

Acting like opinions on sex aren't more aren't societal based and are innate is ridiculous. We don't put women with too much sexual desire in asylums anymore.

If something is sexist you don't need to perpetuate the myth...we can just tell our kids to not be twats with their partners and respect them for who they are not who they have sex with.

You can have a hundred partners and respect yourself by always taking care that you use a condom.

You can go and have sex one time and get an STD because your first partner lied to you and you didn't use a condom.. You aren't used goods because you had sex with a hundred people. Your vagina hasn't got a maximum penis warranty.

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 14:41

:) Thank god for that. I reckon my warranty would have expired. And the price of retreads is horrendous!

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/06/2014 17:15

Oh plenty of people had sex before marriage 100 years ago. It is so common in my family tree that we call it Premature First Child Syndrome.Grin

neiljames77 · 14/06/2014 19:16

......and the Romans seemed to enjoy a bit of jiggery pokery.

Itsfab · 14/06/2014 21:36

Some of these comments make it sound like the posters think having sex with someone isn't that big a deal. Shag them and if they are shit in bed/annoying/etc at least you have found out quickly. What's another lover on the abacus.

neiljames77 · 14/06/2014 21:48

media.giphy.com/media/9VJyKZHmHfMPK/giphy.gif

akaWisey · 14/06/2014 22:04

neiljames Grin

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 22:32

What's another lover on the abacus?

Firstly I don't count any more. Secondly numbers are not relevant, therefore not counting isn't important. So there is no abacus.