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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
avianaz · 14/06/2014 00:12

I'm not sure what the done thing is here, I think it's definitely related but I don't know what is seen as hijacking. :P You could start a thread and link it here for us?

Yeah you can say that. I feel a bit shit for saying that to be honest! But yeah, I mean it is essentially meeting someone on the internet. I hope safety has been sorted out! At the same time I'm very excited on her behalf, broke up with dp not long ago but haven't in a few months... and yeah!

When it comes to disagreeing, or any post, it's everyones own prerogative to act a certain away (keeping to the rules of course). It's just good to think of the reaction that might happen, should you think twice... and most importantly reflect on your own thoughts so that even if you still do disagree, you are 100% about it and reasonable. :)

avianaz · 14/06/2014 00:15

Oh Sole

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/06/2014 00:18

He has just called me to say his partner has arranged for the 27th June but DS isn't at respite then grrrr

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 14/06/2014 00:23

I work with adults.

IME women only feel hurt when they get emotionally involved too soon, not when they have sex early. I also spend hours trying to undo societal messages that consentual sex is shameful if not done in accordance with some set of rules, that are irrelevant and have no positive outcome on the relationship.

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/06/2014 00:25

Depends on the people involved, everybody has different attitudes/opinions towards sex.

No sex for me since 2008, if it doesn't work out, I;ll have had an experience, I won't be biter anymore that is for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoleSource · 14/06/2014 00:26

bitter not biter, tmi Blush

OP posts:
neiljames77 · 14/06/2014 00:34

The bottom line is, is that this world is littered with twats. If you have the misfortune of meeting one, just shrug your shoulders and hope for better next time.
That's as profound and insightful as I'm gonna get. Grin

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/06/2014 01:51

Repressed, Victorian sexualities no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

OP posts:
neiljames77 · 14/06/2014 01:59

Oh blimey!!

Tinks42 · 14/06/2014 02:08

ok then... bed time for sole! whispers in her ear... maybe first time sex for you isn't right bloody Victorian that I am

Tinks42 · 14/06/2014 02:08

first date even Smile

avianaz · 14/06/2014 02:52

Lol!!! Night everyone.

Will be following thread to see how this gets sorted! And to generally stalk!!!

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 05:52

Sole, what is so damned important at his work that he cannot get time off? Can't he, as the saying goes, chuck a sickie?

I understand your need to meet him and do whatever - I've done similar things myself.

What is it someone said here (or maybe somewhere else) ? Don't make a priority of someone who makes you an option. Or something. His keenness doesn't seem to match yours. So tread with care.

superstarheartbreaker · 14/06/2014 06:12

Why does sex on a first date result in a one night stand anyway? Surely if they do it again it isn't? And so what if it is a one night stand?

I find peoples' attitude to one night stands very odd. I've had a fair few myself. The only reason why they were one night stands were because THE GUY didn't call back. Not all of them were with strangers either. One good friend chased me for months but I resisted because of his rather bushy beard! When I finally saw past it I fell for him and we had a night of passion. I was besotted... He no longer interested.
Trouble is, society would judge me much more harshly than the man who dropped me because he finally broke through my chastity belt.

I do think that having sex too early makes me more likely to get hurt if he buggers off but sometimes it's worth the risk ( and is just too hard to resist.)

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 06:36

This courting and chasing which can go on for months, dangling all sorts in your face, and then a complete withdrawal of interest once you give in - what the fuck is that about? And why do men not get massive disapproval for this, rather than a shrugged "well, it's just the way they are".

arsenaltilidie · 14/06/2014 07:50

There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date, but be prepare for the relationship to be just about sex. That's how most FWB will start in the first place.
The people that developed LTR are the exceptions rather than the rule.

The equivalent is boy meets girl on a night out and exchange numbers. They go on a date to a nice restaurant but she pays half and he pays half.

There is nothing wrong with the above but it certainly won't help the man in the long run.
Same with with sex on the first date.

arsenaltilidie · 14/06/2014 08:03

Louis: in - what the fuck is that about? And why do men not get massive disapproval for this, rather than a shrugged well, it's just the way they are

Why get emotional about it if it's just sex. Would you be this emotional if there was no sex?
A man and a woman can change their mind about the relationship at any time.
We can be all politically correct we like, but if you have a recent reputation then the majority of men will see you as 'not for long term relationship'.
The reason behind it is most men will feel intimidated.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/06/2014 08:36

Sole, this particular man is sounding more and more like a bad bet. I appreciate that your circumstances make it more difficult to date and find sexual partners, and that's perhaps why you are building this opportunity up so much, but given the number of times this man has put you off, I really think that sex with him is going to be disappointing if it ever actually happens.

superstarheartbreaker · 14/06/2014 08:42

A 'recent reputation'? And how is this recent reputation going to come about? Only if you go around telling everyone stories about your sex life.
And isnt this 'tarnished reputation' of sexual women something that we should ALL be challenging. Do men get these reputatoons even? Seems like men who fooll around with women are very in demand.

Beautifulmonster · 14/06/2014 08:47

Why are you desperate for sex with this particular man? 6 months and it's still not happening! I don't think he could care less. And you still haven't set a date.

Cut your losses, get online, meet someone else within the next week, shag away. Eeeeeasy!

akaWisey · 14/06/2014 08:50

Beautiful I was just about to ask Sole if she's talking to other guys too. Because Sole I think you should be.

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 08:58

A recent reputation? Yes, I put bulletins in all the papers, don't you? I don't think I have much of a reputation. My friends and family might know me as a slightly foul mouthed woman with a rather keen eye for biceps, but I don't go on Facebook and go YEAH SHAGGED LAST NIGHT!

And frankly, at my age, I don't care if people think I'm "easy". I am easy. I also demand respect. The two are not mutually exclusive.

In response to the question about why I should be bothered that men chase after one and then it stops straight after sex - it's because of the loss of all sorts of things (reputation not being one of them). When you are being pursued, it seems you are a wonderful, fascinating creature who they cannot wait to be with. You may even think there is a future in it. Some people will lead you to believe that. Then sex happens and it is as if a light goes out.

That's ok if you only want the sex. If you want the other things dangled it's disappointing and bit bewildering.

akaWisey · 14/06/2014 09:05

My friends and family might know me as a slightly foul mouthed woman with a rather keen eye for biceps, but I don't go on Facebook and go YEAH SHAGGED LAST NIGHT!

Lois I like the cut of your jib Grin

Exactly like me!

LoisPuddingLane · 14/06/2014 09:24

For me, having sex is a wonderful if increasingly rare thing (old, fat). I did have a bit of a spree before I left England but I don't think anyone wrote it up in TimeOut.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/06/2014 10:39

It's because of this concept that sex is something women must guard and men must 'get from them' that some men basically lead a woman on with promises of love when they want sex and intend to disappear.

Men who are honest about the fact that they are not interested in a relationship are fine. Anyone who whines about a one night stand having no follow up when the other person said that s/he did not want a relationship and was upfront about it is being silly. But men who behave as though they intend to continue a relationship, promise all kinds of things, talk a lot of romantic bullshit and then vanish after sex are being dishonest and unfair. In some cases, they are actually getting off on hurting women's feelings - some men behave like this even when the woman has said she prefers casual sex to relationships because what they actually want is to feel that they have 'conquered' the woman ie misled her, stuck their cocks in her and then managed to shame her.

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