Need Advice - He doesn't have a car

[chargedproton]

Hello All. Basically I'm after some opinions.

I've been getting to know a guy for 5-6 months that I met through online dating. After meeting some right idiots through the service, I finally found someone I clicked with.

He's tall, really attractive, good job and had treated me with so much respect. We have so many shared interests and opinions.

The problem - He's a contractor. He works away Monday to Friday down south and the comes home on Friday evening to Sunday. We try to see each other every Saturday.

However he has no car. The company pays for his travelling. He could have a company car but he's opted for taking the train as he can just relax on the journey. Therefore, for the past few dates, I've had to pick him up and drop him off. He lives in the middle of nowhere with a dead end train station. So getting to me via a train or bus would take him a few hours (about 3-4!!).

But I feel like a taxi service. I could tell he feels bad about it but what other option is there? It doesn't make me feel very lady like either. It's not necessary the driving around, it's the picking him up and dropping him off as that adds 2 hours extra of driving (takes an hour to get to him and back).

He's deleted his online dating profile since he's met me and we speak everyday. However, I can sense myself pulling away as I dread the driving around (I hate driving anyway). I haven't arranged to see him today as I can't be bothered.

I do like him and I think this issue is stopping me from falling for him.

Is my issue trivial? Or do you think I should end it? Any ladies been in my situation??

This may make me shallow, but having their own car is a non negotiable for me (as is having a job and not living with their parents....)

Me too; being able to get about is definitely part of the attraction. I am not a taxi service - however am more than happy to drive if it isn't expected.

Does he make up for it in other ways? Why don't you go to his instead?

To be honest, if you really liked him it wouldn't matter so I suggest that he maybe isn't right for you in any case.

I'm with Schmoo in my adult head, although when I met DH we were in highschool and it was me that passed my test, got a car and a house first but I don't think I would be able to cope in your situation either. Can he actually drive? and if so could you suggest he get a hire car or stick him on your insurance or something?

I agree with Miss wimpy.

When I met dh (on plenty of fish) he was living on his mum's sofa, having left uni and 8 years younger than me. I was divorced with a young daughter. He couldn't drive. I could. I drove everywhere. I even drove over to pick him up at 10pm one night while dd was at my mums because we couldn't stand to be apart.

Many years later we are happily married and have a son. He has a good job now and I finally got to be the sahm I wanted to be :) I just loved him regardless of all the other stuff.

Maybe this one's just not right for you.

"I could tell he feels bad about it but what other option is there?"

Tell him to take up the company car! So what if he enjoys being ferried around by you and his leisurely railway journeys? He lives in the middle of nowhere so does he never need to go to the shops? Take holidays? Visit the dentist? Sounds fishy to me....

When I read your title, I thought how shallow. However, when I read the post, I thought I couldn't be bothered with that either. I take it he can drive if he has refused a company car? I think I would be suggesting that he hire a car, at least alternative weekends. If he won't, then I think you have your answer.

is he too poor to get a taxi?

I also agree that your problem here is the not wanting to drive. Not that he actually can't drive. It's like he's not making the effort.

He could take up the company car or hire a car at weekends. I'm sure it's very convenient for him having you act as taxi, but not much fun for you.

or perhaps he can't drive or has lost his licence and doesn't want to say so.

I would think that he could definitely make the effort to come to you or meet you somewhere. Im sure he went to meet friends and see other women before you came along with your car. He isn't stuck there. He managed before you and your "taxi" service. You should pull back and let him make the effort to visit you. You should not be doing this.

He doesn't offer to hire a car on alternate weekends to get to yours?

The cost of the petrol alone would be a dealbreaker. But I'm with the no job, no car, lives at home equal no date crew.

Fucking hell, mundanes and their car fetishism! Lots of people are car free from choice, you know. Cars are environmentally damaging in loads of ways. And, apart from seeing you, he doesn't appear to need to own a car - I expect that there are shops, pubs, gp centre etc within, you know, walking distance of his home even if there isn't that much public transport.

Why don't you and he meet halfway via public transport sometimes?

It would be a deal breaker fo me. He sounds too dependent.

It's the lack of effort, Solid.

I live in the middle of nowhere, there is FA in walking distance, so what this guy do all other times?

Barring medical reasons for him not having a car/driving, such as being epileptic, this would be a no no for me.

SGB - True, but he is happy to let OP pick him up AND drop him off home again, to her cost. So he is not following your ethos on car free living at all. He is in other words not a cock lodger, but a cock free-rider.

Can he drive? If he can then I'd wonder whether he could hire a car or share driving etc. But maybe he can't for medical reasons. Or maybe he just can't drive? My dad tried to learn to drive but was patently useless.

OP has said that he doesn't seem happy with the arrangement.

But he is not doing anything about it, so just making noises of being unhappy.

But he had a life before she came along and must have gone out to meet women and other friends. So he can do the same for her.

Seriously? If you like him, compromise. I can't see anything wrong with not wanting the expense of running a car, it is just getting dearer & dearer.

I didn't drive until 5yrs ago, thankfully my dh has been only too happy to drive me around for the last 17yrs!