I am such a trusting fool.

[GoshWhatAPickle]

Sorry, this is going to be long. My life has been ripped apart.

It's DP's sister's birthday tomorrow and I have a parcel and cards to send to her. I know she sent her new address to DP via Facebook so I called him at work to ask if I could log on to his account to retrieve it. He gave me his password, we chatted for a bit and said goodbye. As I was logging on he phoned back sounding slightly panicky saying he'd changed his password and couldn't remember the new one so not to bother and he'd phone his sister for the address. Can you guess where I'm going with this?

Of course, there was no problem logging in and his password hadn't changed. I found messages, sixteen of them, to his ex-wife and three other women describing in graphic detail that he was masturbating while thinking about them and what he would love to do to them, given the chance. On one lovely conversation he describes how he is in a loveless, sexless relationship but is unable to leave as we have a child and I have mental health problems and will kill myself if he leaves me. These messages go back to last year.

As far as I was concerned we had a very loving, far from sexless relationship! We're due to be married next year, have been together seven years, have a four year old son. I don't know what to do. I've vomited, been on the loo for the last hour (sorry TMI).

I have NEVER had any cause to doubt him, never. I thought we were lucky. What am I going to do? I am in absolute shock, shaking, retching. And now here come the tears. Oh God. Who IS this man? He has been phoning for the last hour, no doubt wanting to check he hasn't been caught out. Oh God. I don't know if I'm asking for help or advice or what, I needed to get this out. I cannot deal with this.

What a horrible shock and I'm so sorry that he's turned out to be such a sleaze. Do you have anyone IRL that you can call on and ask to come around? Not good being on your own at a time like this.

I would probably get a text to him that you've seen the messages, you're very angry and that, if he's got any sense, he'll stay away & make other arrangements for the next few days until you feel ready to talk to him. Give yourself some space to think.

Ok lovely, this is an awful shock but you need to get practical. Can you or did you screenshot the messages? Because he'll be trying to do some damage limitation now and probably deleting everything.
Turn the phone off until you're ready to speak to him and try and form a plan of action. What do you want? Would it be better for him to leave for a few days? That would probably be best, you can think properly without him being around.
For now try and drink something at least. Small sips so it doesn't react on your stomach.

Thanks Cog, do you know, I've read threads on Relationships where this has happened to other wome and been utterly outraged on their behalf, sure that this would NEVER happen to me, but if I were in their shoes I would be furious, kick him out etc but now it's happening to me I can't face it, can't deal with it. I can't answer the phone, I can't text him, just want to go back to bed and pretend it hasn't happeed. How could he do this? What have I done to make him do this? Oh God.

I am going to call my best friend, but I'm scared to make this real. I don't know how to find the strength. My vision keeps going blurry and my heart is racing, I'm so frightened. I want the anger to come but it isn't - just fear.

I'm on the laptop, how do I take screenshots?

You poor lady. What a awful way to find out that he is a complete bastard. Agree with Cogito. Text him to say that you have seen everything on facebook but be prepared for lies and excuses.
You know the truth about your relationship so don't let him tell you otherwise. Today is going to be bad so as has already been said, please get a friend or Mum to come over if possible. Keep writing on here because you will get so much support and it will help to keep you sane.

Don't make any rash decisions while you're feeling like this. Wait until you've calmed down. I think space may be a good idea but I know if it was me I'd tear him a new one as soon as he walked in the door

I can't log back in. He's changed his password, he knows I know, doesn't he?

He might not think you know he might have changed it so you don't find out.

Im not techy but can you press back button or something to go back to the messages.???

I can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling - what an awful shock, I'm so sorry OP.
What were the responses of the women he was writing to? Ie: was it a one way thing, or were they going along with it?
Personally I couldn't forgive this level of deceit.

Can you see them if you view your history? Sorry not great at techy stuff.

It sounds as though you are very much in real shock. So that's your immediate concern right now.

Get support - ring friend and keep typing on here.
Keep warm.
Sip water.
If it would help to get under a blanket or quilt and roll up in a ball, do that.

How much time do you have before you have your child or husband is expected back at home?

Look, it doesn't matter if you didn't have time to screenshot it. You know the messages where there you saw them - it doesn't matter what he says to try to deny it because you know they were there.

Send the text Cognito suggested.

This advice might not be so helpful - but I really believe you have to secure some time and space for yourself. Either he needs to stay away tonight or you need to go somewhere you feel safe.

I’m so sorry. You are not a fool. He is the fool.

It doesn’t matter about not being able to access the messages again. You’ve seen them and I’m sure the general tone of them is burned into your memory. Screenshots will serve no real purpose now anyway. He can deny all he likes, you know what you’ve seen.

Of course he knows you know – hence the constant phone calls. He is in a world of panic right now because you haven't answered.

I hope you’re on the phone to your best friend. Get her round asap. Where is your DC, when are they due home?

If it were me I’d text him “I’ve been on your FB account and seen everything. Do NOT come home. I will be in touch when I’m ready to talk. DO NOT contact me until then”.

I would give myself a good 24-48 hours to think this through.

But then it’s understandable if you just want him home so that you can rip his head off.

Screenshots would be helpful but they're not essential. You know what you have seen, you won't forget (believe me I know!) so hold your nerve. Don't allow him to try and downplay or obfuscate the situation just because the sneaky, sleazy git has denied you the chance to save some evidence in his face.

I agree with Cogito that first and foremost, space is what you need. A short message to him, just to tell him that you know and that you need to be alone whilst you get your head around this, should be all it requires.

Be kind to yourself and, I beg you, stop right NOW with asking yourself what YOU have done to make this idiot behave so badly. This is something within him and you are not even one percent responsible.

Screenshots, if you ever get another chance:

Hold down Alt + 'Print Screen'.

Open a new blank email message.

Click where the message goes, and Crtl + V to paste.

(Or right-click and select 'Paste' from the drop-down menu).

Save the email.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

He has texted asking if everything is ok.

I said "No, everything is far from ok and you know why. If you have any love or respect for me at all you will stay at (friend's) tonight and allow me some space. Please don't make tthis worse for me by trying to contact me."

Reply: "Babe, I know how it must look and I don't know what to say but you must believe me, it isn't as bad as it looks! I love you! I love you so much!"

Absolute fuck head. Absolute, disgusting pervy wanker.

DS is at nursery until 5, thank God. I think he may try to come home and i can't bear to see him so if I go quiet for a while it's because I've gone out. I want to go and pick up DS and run away from here! Nothing is right any more, even the house feels wrong, IYKWIM.

The messages sent to his ex-wife were ignored, but a couple of random women were talking back to him. I don't know who they are or if he knows them in real life even. The phone is ringing now, I'm not answering. I've just sat and laughed hysterically at his last text, which I guess is the shock. He was/is my everything. I lost both my parents young and had my heart broken in my early twenties and was so scared to ever ope my heart to anyone again, but I slowly did, thought I had it all and it was all a lie, an illusion.

Oh op - what a disgusting idiot he has been. Not only to message in this way but to also insult you and lie about your relationship.

You need real life support from friends and family
Everyone is right, you don't need proof you saw what you saw. If you think he will lie and deny you can tell him you have taken screen shots and saved them in a safe place.

Oh my darling girl. What a dreadful shock.
Please know that we all here for you.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your parents.
You and your little boy will be OK. I KNOW it doesn't feel like that at the moment, but you will.
Sending you a huge hug x

I've been racking my brains trying to think why this has happened. We've been through some hard times these past few months - we both lost our jobs within a few months of each other and it's been so stressful worrying about money, whether we could afford to stay in our home, not being able t provide properly for our son. Things are/were better now as he has a new job and I start part-time next week. I was thinking maybe he's been trying to escape the realities of the last few months but hang on a fucking minute. I TOO have been going through all this and haven't felt the need to get my fucking rocks off with strangers and tell hideous lies!!!

"Please don't do this to us! Give me a chance to explain! I can't come home now but I'm coming home straight after work. I am begging you not to make any decisions until you hear me out! Please!" is what he's just sent me.

"Do not come home. I will talk to you tomorrow. I can't stress this enough."

You are all being so lovely xxx

What an awful shock for you.
Get in touch with your friend, you will need some support right now.
You will be in shock so make sure you keep warm.
I hope your friend can help you.

And as others have said - you need space.
I hope he respects your wishes (although I doubt he will seeing how he views women!) and keeps away for a while.

Well done OP stay strong. What an absolute twat he is!

Stop trying to pick everything apart as to why it happened, it happened because he wanted it to/let it happen & there's the end of it. You will drive yourself mad going round in circles trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

Well done for your decisive texts & not giving an inch. You know the score if you're on here regularly :) he will try to minimize, explain it away. make it your fault, make you doubt what you saw.

Are you OK?

Oh Gosh continue to be strong about having your space. As he has said already "Please don't do this to us......" he will try to sift blame and minimise. You have read other people's stories so take some time to look again at the script so you are prepared for any discussion you have with him. Look after yourself .