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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH thinks I am being antisocial and deliberately avoiding his company in the evening.

197 replies

DamnLiesAndStatistics · 21/05/2014 18:45

I'm after some advice, I've told him that I'm not being antisocial but he won't have it and thinks I'm doing it to avoid him.
Sorry if it's boring with timings and possibly tmi. I get in from work at about 5/5:30 depending on how busy I've been and I go straight into the kitchen to cook the evening meal, we're all hungry obviously so I don't really hang about, by the time we've eaten it it's about 6-6:30 ish, I guess. I normally go into the living room and watch a bit of tv with DH, a single programme, say about 45 minutes?

This is where it gets a bit tmi, sorry. I do the washing up and tidying away etc and make a packed lunch for DS and then I usually need a poo (cringe). I want to go upstairs to the toilet and perhaps have a shower, it's usually about 7:15/7:30 by this time. DH wants me to watch tv with him. He says he doesn't want to be alone in the living room anymore as he's had enough of watching it alone during the day, he says I should wait till 11pm when he usually goes to bed before I have my shower etc.
I've told him its not me avoiding him, I just need to go to the toilet then and want a quick shower earlier. What can I say to convince him?

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 19:46

I'm speechless Grin

Roussette · 21/05/2014 19:47

I would feel absolutely smothered if my DH insisted I sit and keep him company whilst he watched some nonsense or other. Also if you have been working all day and he has been playing golf, you can do exactly what you want to when you get home.

My DH and I do our own thing if we want to - tell him to shape up and get a more interesting life if he needs your company when you get home.

Original poster
DamnLiesAndStatistics · 21/05/2014 19:50

A little while ago there was a celebrity, I can't remember his name, who was accused of some sort of abuse of his girlfriend. Sorry I can't remember all the details apart from he insisted that she had to sleep facing him in bed. I was surprised that was unusual as my DH doesn't like me to have my back to him in bed, he says it means I am ignoring him.
But I have had a lot of mocking on this thread.

OP posts:
HansieLove · 21/05/2014 19:50

What work does he DO?

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 19:50

Op , do tell us who his famous friends are

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 19:51

Who thinks there will be a deletion message soon ?

Poofus · 21/05/2014 19:52

Er.....what? He doesn't work and you do, yet you have to rush to cook the evening meal for both of you while he sits around? And then on top of that he tries to control when you can have a shower? What on earth do you get out of this relationship with such an arsehole?

Bluestocking · 21/05/2014 19:54

I can just imagine the scene at the 19th hole.

Bruce Forsyth, Terry Wogan, Jeremy Clarkson, Neil Hamilton and Donald Trump are at the bar.

Brucie: So what's everyone's plan for the evening? I'm going to help Wilnelia polish her Miss World Tiara.

Terry: I've been invited to speak at a charity dinner dance to raise funds for sheds for South Sudan. Do you know, some of those poor Dinkas have never even seen a shed?

Jezza: Drinks with The Stig. Banter!

Neil: It's all a bit hush-hush - but let's just say that my career with UKIP is far from over!

The Donald (for it is he): Helicoptering over to Grasse to test some new fragrances. Success Trump has been massive - stand by for Trump Extreme!

Silence falls.
All turn and look at MrDamnLiesAndStatistics.

Bruce: How about you, Damn?

MrDamnLiesAndStatistics: I thought I'd go home and tell MrsDamn that she can't take a shit when she wants to.

General cheers, slapping of manly backs, etc.

DracoMalfoysHairGel · 21/05/2014 19:56

And this thread is why I love mumsnet Grin

Annarose2014 · 21/05/2014 19:56

Brilliant.

Roussette · 21/05/2014 19:59

OP - yes there was a case where the sleb who abused didn't want his girlfriend turned away from him in bed. Ho hum who was it?

It does sound as if your DH is being ridiculous, can't you see that? Just because you are married you are not one half of another person, you are a person in your own right who - after working all day - can have a nice relaxing evening doing exactly what you want to do.

Roussette · 21/05/2014 19:59

So does this mean you cant have a sh1t when you want but you also can't sleep in the position you want????

PeanutButterAndMarmite · 21/05/2014 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lweji · 21/05/2014 20:01

Sorry, haven't read the rest yet, but my DH doesn't like me to have my back to him in bed, he says it means I am ignoring him. WTF?

AnyFucker · 21/05/2014 20:01

Oh, BlueStocking, I totally love you. I can see the scene right now ! < happy sigh >

Lurleene · 21/05/2014 20:05

Justin Lee Collins wanted his girlfriend to face him in bed apparently.

Roussette · 21/05/2014 20:06

Thank you Lurleene, that's it, have been wracking my brains!

scarletforya · 21/05/2014 20:06

This reply has been deleted

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Viviennemary · 21/05/2014 20:06

You should cook together for a while and then hopefully he will be able to make the meal eventually by himself. No reason why he couldn't do a nice salad in this hot weather for tea. Surely he could prepare that. I think it is a bit anit social to disappear and have a bath at around 7.30 if it takes a while. Fine the odd time but if this was a routine every night it would annoy me a bit.

Lweji · 21/05/2014 20:06

he's had enough of watching it alone during the day,
So easy to fix.
He does some house work during the day, has your dinner ready by 5:30pm, as well as DS's lunch then does the dishes while you go to the toilet and shower.

And you have to wait until 11pm when he goes to bed to have a shower?

You should tell him to stop being controlling and lazy or you will ignore him all the way to a divorce.

ThePowerOfMe · 21/05/2014 20:08

Your dh is either very controlling or very insecure or both but this is not right.

Roussette · 21/05/2014 20:09

Gosh, I'll have a bath or a shower when I want or need one. Surely everyone does? It's nothing about being antisocial, it's just about being able to do what you want to do, especially if I've just cooked tea for the family

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/05/2014 20:09

You aren't being mocked, your foul husband is. You are getting disbelieved because your posting style is odd, passive and disengaged. We hope you aren't real as that would mean there isn't currently a woman who lives like this.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 21/05/2014 20:10

People aren't mocking you. They are mocking your dh. You are not doing anything wrong except enabling him but it sounds like he is actually abusive.

Maybe you should post in relationships because this doesn't sound healthy for you

mummytime · 21/05/2014 20:10

My DH occasionally moans that he feels lonely - but he has been out all day (and often all week) working. He often gets a "I'll join you in a bit when I've...put this child to bed or sorted the washing or whatever..." He wouldn't dream of telling me which way to face in bed, although I don't like being breathed on (so I'm the weird one there).

This is all very weird - and so are you reactions. People are not making fun, just find it a bit unbelievable that anyone could really think any of this is reasonable.

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