Please just talk to me

[absolutelyhopeless]

Hi everyone,

I am 31, live in SW London and married for 9 years. This is my first ever post as I'm not a "mum" but beentrying for a baby and also coming to the site for advice whenit comes to buying a house. So my husband told me this week that he wants a divorce. I'm completely blind sided and devastated. We have had problems through the years but always things i thought we could work on. We have been trying for a baby and also trying to buy a house. I've livedin London for 12 years but I've become so invested in my marriage that I have hardly any friends. All my family live in South Africa, where I'm from originally.

I asked him how he can do this to me and his anwser is that he has been feeling like this for two years but staying with me because he feels sorry for me as he knows I have nowhere to go. I'm physicaly sick to my stomach, can't stop shaking and really do not know what to do next. Any advice/support or anything would be so much appreciated right now. I am at work but really do not know how i will make it through the day.

If he asks about the KA again, tell him you sold it to pay for the flat cleaning and overnight accomodation on the 24th.

Hey everyone...

I'm doing ok, just packing up still. The bastard is coming over on Saturday to collect the rest of his things before i move out next week. I'm anticipating a fight as I've hidden the kitchen aid.. I thought about going out and avoiding him but obviously I can't trust him not to take stuff. So looking forward to just having it all done and behind me. Still need to organise the removal people- so expensive! Not long to go now though..

Hope everyone is good x

AH! Good to hear from you.

Glad you're getting on ok. If there's anything you want to take off site before he comes on Saturday just drop it around to mine!

Wow - next week.
Times flies by so fast.
Glad you have hidden the kitchen aid.
He can rant and rave, just let it go over your head.
Don't rise to it.
So glad you are moving on now.
It's good to get an update from you.
I really hope the move goes smoothly.
I also really hope you are NOT packing his stuff up!

Hey Abs,

Good luck with the move. Don't leave him there alone, check every flipping item he packs.

Keep strong.

Def do what hellsbells says, and let it go over your head. he can rant and shout as much as he wants; you will not have to see him again after that.

Good luck.

Is anyone around for some hand holding? I feel shit and he is expected any minute to come and get his stuff. He's late but not even bothered calling. I feel quite emotional for the first time in a week.

just saw this.
I hope he eventually turned up and removed his stuff. Don't mention the kitchen aid. If he does just tell him it was the one item that you wanted so tough shit-he is not getting it.

Tell him is'd in lieu for 1/2 the cost of the flat cleaning

I'm still sitting here, waiting for him like a fool. Even to the bitter end he has to be spiteful. No idea what time he is planning on showing up. He was meant to be here 30min ago.

I'm majorly stressed as the flat we were going to move into has pretty much fallen through. Very bad damp issues. I now have 3 days to find a new home. Today is a shitty day.

Hi there. Im a South African too and I live in Warminster near Bath. There are so many jobs around here and accommodation is so cheap plus it's like living back home, weather is much nicer and lots of greenery. I'm also a manager and could help you get a new job. My home is a small cottage and I live with my partner but very happy for you to come and stay in the spare room if you need accommodation. You dont need to pay as I know exactly where you are at, been in similar situation before. Please don't feel alone as we Saffas stick together. If you need help please message me and I will send my phone number. BTW I lived in Hyde Park in Sandton and Durbs.

He is here. I feel like crying.

He's a crackpot. You know you can come here. Get him out of your home asap

Hope it went well abs -you don't need to see him ever again now. Bastard. You can cry if you want to. :-(

Note, you did keep the kitchen aid, didn't you?

Whatamess -my mum lives in warminster, it is indeed nice and green. :-)

AH are you ok?
How did it go yesterday?
You must plan now. Ditch the wine and grab a strong coffee or tea, notebook and pen and start planning.

Bath is GORGEOUS, definitely worth considering.

Ah, how are you? I am away now for a few days, but I think you are moving into your new flat tomorrow? Hope it goes well, new chapter in your life and all!

Hi everyone...

The new flat has damp issues which we only found out about recently. They are having to do some major renovations. I had to pack up the old flat and everything in it. Staying in a hotel now until next week by which time I'll hopefully move into new place. I can't wait to start a normal life again!

That's a shame about the damp but you have something else now so that's good.
How did it go last Saturday with him?
I hope you kept the kitchen aid.
Chin up - it's the weekend again soon.
I hope you enjoy yours!!

It's the same place but they are fixing it up. Melons do you or anyone else reading this threat know of a handyman in London? I'm in desperate need of one for tomorrow as my movers dumped all my stuff in one room whilst they fix the rest of the flat but i need to move it into the other rooms tomorrow and also put a bed together?!

I googled it and it's 40 for 30min?? Seems crazy. All i need is a few things moved and my bed put back together again.

I've got the kitchen aid in the boot of my car! Going to bake a cake when I have finally moved in properly :)

How did it go while he was there? Was the KA mentioned?!

Fingers crossed the flat is habitable soon!