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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm a fucking mug

309 replies

ReallySadFace · 18/05/2014 22:02

Dh, who I have posted about before (name changed) has just fucking grabbed me again and bruised my neck and given me a fat lip. This is after hitting me around the face with cushions after I warned him about touching me and throwing my keys at me hard.

All he has done all day is argue with me and scream at me and ruined my plans with my children. One min he's all apologetic and then he's a nasty cunt when he realises it doesn't wash with me anymore.

I have asked him to leave, so many times I've lost count but he won't go. He refuses. I'm going to have to leave tomorrow with my children :(

OP posts:
BeCool · 19/05/2014 16:27

That is really good news.
I hope you and DC get a good night sleep tonight!

livingzuid · 19/05/2014 16:28

That is great news that he has been charged. Well done you! Agree with a pp though that you must make sure to stay safe and away from him tonight. This is such a dangerous time for you and your dcs until it's sorted once and for all Thanks

forumdonkey · 19/05/2014 16:39

Just catching up with you OP. You are a very brave lady and even your posts sound stronger and more determined than they did last night. Well done to you.

I am so pleased they have finally charged him and given him bail conditions. When I went through it I was scared of my exh return so wanted to get an injunction. I was advised to start divorce proceedings straight away to show I was serious, so thats what I did. It was in hindsight the best time to do it. I was at my most resolute then with little chance of me wavering even though it was one of the most traumatic times I have ever been through.

Stay strong and well done you.

pictish · 19/05/2014 17:27

Good. Just...good.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/05/2014 17:36

Yes thank goodness. Well done OP. Flowers

FreakinScaryCaaw · 19/05/2014 18:14

Fantastic news. I hope you all stay safe. x

Original poster
ReallySadFace · 19/05/2014 18:15

On no Blossom why won't they remove him? That is absolutely ridiculous.

H has been in touch just like I knew he would. I haven't reported it but I haven't replied to any of it either. I know he's being a twunt but I don't want him locked up for the next 3 weeks and the kids knowing that.

Why is everything sent to try ME? I've dealt with so much shit over the past 10 years (bear in mind I'm only 27) and yet it's me who's got to deal with more of it now. People just do not like me.

OP posts:
Chocaholicmonster · 19/05/2014 18:34

I didn't want to just read & run, Really so I just wanted to say I'm so proud of how brave you were that night to contact the police. Please remain strong, for yourself & for your children. One day you'll look back & glad you went through this rough time & be in a much happier place. Sending you big virtual hugs x

PedantMarina · 19/05/2014 19:06

May I refer you to your post of 1545, OP?

tipsytrifle · 19/05/2014 19:14

as in:

He won't be able to resist texting me abuse. If he does I am reporting it straight away.

I have watched your situation develop with horror and then growing admiration for your clarity in the face of impending violence. You have courage.

See it through please. Report every time ... this is about you and your children. This is no longer about him other than as the object in the way of your future. Please don't tolerate anything at all!

wallaby73 · 19/05/2014 19:19

OP, please please report the texts - he NEEDS to learn he is not above the law, and most importantly not to mess with you further; if you don't he will know this, know that he can break the bail conditions and you won't act......i am so amazed at how well you have handled this, but this is a vital piece of the jigsaw in presenting a consistant approach xx

ChasedByBees · 19/05/2014 19:24

Please report the texts OP.

oldiebutnctoday · 19/05/2014 19:29

Please report the texts, and when you speak to the police tell them you are nervous that he will attempt to come to the house tonight and ask them if they can get a car round on patrol a couple of times this evening to give you peace of mind. If you report these kinds of texts each and every time he sends them the police will follow it up and I'm pretty sure he'll stop very soon once he knows you will involve the police and there will be serious repercussions for him. As for him being locked up for 3 weeks and the kids knowing it, surely kids need to learn that if you do something bad you will be punished? Sadly at some point your dc are going to have to face some hard truths about their father, but that is so so much better for them than living with him and what he has been doing to you every day.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/05/2014 20:08

I'm glad the police have seen through his lies.

A fucking cushion fight? well, he has me spitting feathers at that anyway [shocked] what? Some Disney slow mo scene with laughter and love?! Ffs. Cunt. (sorry, I hardly ever use that word. But really..)

Worried you letting him get to you again... Repeat to yourself 'I am not responsible for his actions'.

EverythingCounts · 19/05/2014 20:35

Frankly while he's like this, it's better for the kids if he is locked up. There's no way he can hurt them them. Given what he has done to you, you can't know where he will stop. Best to protect them - he's brought this on himself.

teaandthorazine · 19/05/2014 21:03

If he's locked up, it will be because he is considered too dangerous to not be locked up.

If he feels that there's a chance you won't report, that you will back down under pressure, that maybe you don't really mean business, then what's he going to do? It will all just start again, OP, and this time he will feel he's really got something to blame you for. He'll be wrong, of course, because none of this shitty horrible situation is your fault, but he won't care about that, all he'll care about is that he gets to have power over you again.

Please report the texts. You are not doing yourself or your lovely kids any favours by not doing so.

tribpot · 19/05/2014 21:10

Agreed. Not reporting them is what he wants and expects. This is a power game.

If your kids find out they will learn that abusive behaviour is punished. If your H had had this life lesson as a child perhaps you wouldn't have been hit yesterday.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 19/05/2014 21:11

The more you report him and follow through the quicker it will end. If you drop charges, let him come round or even answer texts then he's won and you have let him

Change your number
If he comes to the house don't answer the door and ring 999 even if he's outside the garden and not on your property.

oldiebutnctoday · 19/05/2014 21:15

Are you ok reallysadface? We're here if you want to talk.

oldiebutnctoday · 19/05/2014 21:15

Are you ok reallysadface? We're here if you want to talk.

littlewhitebag · 19/05/2014 21:36

If you don't report the texts from him and SW turn up and find this out they will be less than impressed. They may think you are minimising what has happened and not acting to protect your children. Report all contact he has with you. Your children need to know that daddy did wrong.

NorthernChinchilla · 19/05/2014 21:50

If you've been assessed as 'high risk' by the Police OP, this is actually really good news- it may well mean you get a multi-agency approach to protecting you and your children. However, you must report everything that he does, as the repetitiveness/escalation will help build the case. Even if you just call 101 to report them, you should.

And if he gets locked up, it's because of what he's done, not you.

pointythings · 19/05/2014 21:52

Please report his texts - they are evidence that he is not to be trusted around you or your DCs. Do it for your own safety and for theirs.

allisgood1 · 19/05/2014 22:26

Another one saying you really have to report the texts. Doing anything less condones his behaviour.

cestlavielife · 19/05/2014 22:55

Yes you do want him locked up for three weeks so report the texts. Do it now.
Will give you the breathing space you need.
Kids will be fine. They really will.
Just tell them they will see himnext month.

And wait for the relief they wil show you because they will have picked up o.N The atmosphere..,
They will start telling you things ....