Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

Oh god, that sounds awful doesn't it. I should point out that the participants are willing. I'm not a dirty old groper.

Lois! Whatever floats your boat ha ha, if u just have needs I say go for it!

Normal bloke my ex had come out of long term relationship with wife same time as you. I believe he was my soul mate but because of him meeting me far too soon it didn't work out, he had serious trust issues etc.

I'm hoping one day when he's ready n sorted he'll come back ??

I think it must be being peri-menopausal. I want to lick everyone.

Never go with a seperated man until hes been single for a long period....a long time ago in a previous I was that man and just strung girls along as I was still slightly invested in my ex.

I was not proud of that and dont intend to make the same mistakes this time around!!

That's good advice, NormalBloke, but some guys are really ambivalent and give strange signals. I try to avoid anyone who comes on really strong and then backs off in a flurry of equivocation...but it has happened, and it's not fun.

NormalBloke - It depends on the circumstances of the separation.
We'd just drifted apart over the years and decided that we were much better off apart. I think if the split was forced upon me by a traumatic event, then I'd agree. It wasn't though and moving on for both of us is just a natural progression. As is seeing other people.

I can understand what you're saying if the situation was something like a man who thought everything in his world was rosy and then his wife/partner suddenly announces that she's been having an affair and is leaving him. That would take recovery time because of such a shock to his system and his world suddenly being turned upside down.
If you'd been sharing a house with someone who didn't want you there and you didn't want to be there for a long time, doing separate things, sleeping apart etc, then it's no upheaval at all. It's just common sense for both to just start afresh.

My guy had been cheated on and the guy had been having sex in their bed! He did talk about her hell of a lot but had got used to the idea and was even on speaking terms with the guy she left him for when I was with him

Hi just reading back. Back in a mo.

I had the date tonight with the 24 year old. I don't think I've been so nervous in years. He was absolutely lovely and then at the end I got "who knows after [his exams] we could get together again". Yeah, it's the "who knows" that clinches it, really. Not going to happen, is it.

Oh well. If only someone my own age would ask me out.

I think it must be being peri-menopausal. I want to lick everyone.

This really made me laugh. But are you sure that this is not just "liberation" ??

I felt like a mini tiger when I was with my ex and he was like.."what the heck did I miss here before?".... ....

He too was yabbering on and on and on to me about these other dates before, which was a killjoy, until he "suddenly" woke up. Like a switch.

Well no, because I haven't been liberated from anything. I haven't had a relationship in years. I just find myself in a state of readiness most of the time. It's just a shame I have no-one to pounce on.

Oh I see...

Is this an old post,I'm confused :-),I've searched and found a cracker of a thread but can't link shite 0-:))

Hi to all on this thread. It's been a while since I've been on here and there's lots of new people so don't know if anyone remembers me. Not sure if I should start a thread of my own separate to here or not but here goes

Background is met a man online over 4 months ago now and it wasn't fireworks ect when I met him but I kept seeing him because he seemed really nice and we got on. We still get on and I feel very comfortable around him plus the attraction has grown. All good so far, however, there are a few things annoying me and making me doubt the relationship. Firstly I am ultimately looking for someone to settle down with again, a steady long term partnership and I'm not sure what he wants. He has said he loves me and talks long term in as much as plans for things we will do in the future as in going out holidays ect but not living together although I'm aware it's too soon for this.

Main thing is he lives with his parents and he's in his forties. Didn't bother me at first but I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed by it. I feel like I'm losing respect for him as he gets everything done for him by his mum. How could he live like that? Doesn't he want to be independant ? He doesn't seem embarrassed by it but I am. I'm starting to think he just happily coasts along without any hassle or responsibility like normal people of our age and I find myself making digs at him. I think it's affecting the relationship too because he doesn't seem to be as in love as he was, or so I'm thinking anyway
Thing is I will never find anyone perfect so why am I sabotaging this. I know I'm doing it that's what I don't understand. Sorry it's so long thanks if you've managed to stick with it

Hi Santaclaws. I know that in some cultures it's fairly normal for sons to stay at home until they are really quite old. However, if it makes you feel this way (and it would me too) that's unlikely to change. He IS having an easy, immature life. Unless he's his parents' carer, he is just coasting along like a teenager and has not and will not learn how to be an adult.

I met a 40 year old who didn't have a steady job (pianist) and wanted his parents to stand guarantor for him to rent a flat. When I pointed out this was quite strange and that he was an adult, he didn't see it at all. His attitude was, they have the money and are prepared to do it, so why not?

Because you get perpetual boy-children, that's why not.

On a me me me note, I've thought of nothing else but my date from last night. This is why I shouldn't go out with babies - I get obsessed by their gorgeousness and want it, and they go off on their blithe way.

lois it's not a cultural thing in his case. Certainly his attitude is "well why not" he's got a full time job and doesn't have to do anything when he gets home really and he says his mum likes doing things for him. He is a nice person and very caring but this is putting me off him tbh. He has lived with someone for about ten years and also with his brother in a shared house in the past so he has done a bit of coming and going.
We are due to go on holiday very soon for two weeks and I think it may be make or break. I met him quite soon after an abusive relationship and he was a breath of fresh air, so relaxed and laid back, easy going and took me out and had fun. Now I'm thinking that's all he is just that but no depth. Do I sound awful?

Not at all. I couldn't date a man in his forties who lived with mummy. He just isn't engaging with the adult world. And if he asks "why not" tell him it makes him a bit unfuckable, frankly. That sounds harsh but it's not sexy when you are a grown up to be living with mummy and daddy, and all that implies. I'm sure his mum likes doing things for him, but she's making him into a bit of a freak. Oh that is harsh, sorry.

Also he usually comes to mine on a Friday evening and gets up Saturday morning to go to the gym, which is fine keeping his usual routine. He then comes back after the gym we do something Saturday evening, but Sundays are almost always taken up by lunch at his parents. He always wants to go, I get invited and I do go but not every week. I have to make a point of saying let's do something else as it's like that's the norm every week to have lunch there. Why the fuck he doesn't want to just stay away a bit I haven't a clue. It would drive me crazy to be at my mums all the time

In most peoples lives at our age it's the exception to lunch at your parents every Sunday, not the rule

But he's her little prince. No, I totally get what you mean, it's not very healthy.

One of the more amusing things about having a date with a much younger man is that he was saying things like "when I was a young man..." I had to stop myself sniggering. I mean, he was very much a man and not a boy but still a young man...

Are you going to see him again lois ?
Where did you meet him? Was it online?