Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

oh heck, I've just agreed to a date tomorrow with a bloke I met on POF! I only really set up a profile to have a look at what is out there and distract myself from my current messy separation, but then this guy messaged me and he stood out from the others as being interesting, witty and funny.. as exH has the kids this weekend I just thought why the hell not. So we are meeting for an afternoon drink as we both have plans for the evening.

Any tips? I haven't had a date for 15 years!

Yay go for it avocado. You'll be fine . When I met the guy who I suppose my now is my ex ...as from yesterday. He was my 1st date in about 17 years on the night of the date I thought I was going to throw up and I couldn't stop shaking. Just be yourself and remember he'll be as nervous as you. Good luck x

Yes to being yourself. i had my first date after 21 years and i had to treat it as if I was meeting a friend for coffee. He will be as nervous as you. Are you a talke? Have topics in mind if not! I was really giddy after mine!

Good luck avocado. Don't forget the loo update

My first date in 20+ years tomorrow - already feeling jittery!!

Good luck big bird and avocado. I stopped off in a pub and had a large vodka before my first date in ages. I recommend that for the nerves

Good luck avocado and big bird - chances are your dates will be as nervous as you (even if they don't show it) - just pick a couple of things from your e-mails, texts, or whatever that you can follow up on to get things rolling - some interest they've disclosed or something they've done recently that you think they could tell you more about

Rummikub - don't think its odd being friends with OLD dates if there is no spark - as long as both sides know the score. If you get on in a platonic ways as friends why should how you met be a barrier to a new friendship ? There are plenty of odd things to deal with in OLD but this isn't one of them !

ooh good luck to you bigbird as well! Already stressing about what to wear! Because I'm going out afterwards I need to wear something nice but don't want to look too overdressed for an afternoon drink. I have a nice bird print dress from white stuff I might wear with boots and a cardi.

He's not my usual type...but then again what do I know about my type, I was 19 when I got together with exH. And he's older too.... I'm 34 he's 45. Looks good for it though (unless he's using pictures that are 10 years old....)

If it all goes wrong at least I can use the excuse that I'm meeting people. Will update later

Thanks allnew. It feels ok for now so I'll keep in touch.

On my first date I was late, he said everyone was looking at him as he stood there with flowers! I had to down 2 vodkas in quick succession to calm my nerves when i arrived as I couldn't stop talking. I realised what I was doing then proceeded to reassure him I wasn't actually a lush. I think he thought I was a bit crazy! But fair play to him he didn't run and we had a lovely date. He'd already asked for a second date before the end of the first. So I couldn't have been too off putting.

All you can do is be yourself. Have fun, deep breaths, run to the loo to calm nerves if needed. I rang my friend from the cubicle!

Good luck bigbird and avocado. I've only been on one so far and was a nervous wreck and then ended up seeing him for a couple of months.

Back on pof, tinder and match! And have possible dates in pipeline for next week with two people. I too don't know how I feel though about going on one date knowing I have another lined up. Equally though think I put all my eggs in one basket by stopping looking on line as soon as been on first date last time and if people are talking to me now I'm just going to keep chatting.

Absolutely agree with folk wouldn't have sex with one or either if I was still 'dating' both of them. I'm just after a good kiss and a bit of hand holding after falling flat on my face after last one!

Maisey- thank you, you made a fair bit of sense. It's been about 6 weeks now and I've counted up the times I've seen him and it's 11 times so even though mostly it's one date a week there's been weeks where it's been twice or more. Maybe I'm so worried about possibly hurting him/leading him on that I'm my head I think I have to make a decision on if I have strong feelings about him now, and therefore forcing myself to push a decision before I'm ready.
I imagined when I started dating 2nd time round that when I met the one I would just 'know'and would want to be shagging all the time. Likewise if it was someone I wasn't interested in again I would know. Whereas at the moment I feel I'm stuck in the middle. It doesn't help that he's my first date so apart from my stbxh I have nothing to compare him to.

Steel, I'm sorry that things have ended. I don't think you are a bad judge of character, I think he's one of those people who are able to put aspects of his life into different compartments. It doesn't mean he didn't think fondly of you but maybe is just wasn't enough. It's better that you've found out now. I agree that most people would just start to dwindle down the texts or contact but I guess not everyone would. ((Hugs))

Allnew- I think you should continue to see both for longer. At least for two more dates.
You're similar to me in that you haven't dated for a while. it takes you a while to understand how different you are this time round and what your looking for. Also two dates is too soon to know either of them properly. I was new to old and so was the one I'm dating. we had three dates within the first week so I didn't have time to arrange dates with anyone else. As I didn't like the idea of dating anyone else once we had reached the forth date we both agreed to exclusiveness which I feel whilst not a mistake at the time I wish I had spread the dates out a bit to have allowed me to date others, it means i don't have anything to compare our relationship with. If it ends and I go back to old I will be multiple dating and not investing too early for a while until I'm sure.

Folk- how you've described what your looking for is what I'm looking for too. I want the 17 yr old boyfriend. I want to be with someone who makes me excited and happy. I want to be that giddy teenager, walking around smiling with joy. I don't want another husband or being domesticated with someone. I want the long Sundays cuddling and kissing :)

Oh on a seperate note, when did any of you become facebook friends with your dates? I'm umming and arhing over it but don't want him to feel that Im Spying on him.

Good luck to those dating today for the first time. Have fun x

Canihave, thank you for the hug I needed one today. I'm just missing his text messages. My son was playing in a football tournament today and did really well. I found it hard not to text him to tell him about it as he loves football and always took an interest in how my boy was doing. Deep down I knew he wasn't the "one" but I still miss him :( x

I'm ok thanks Steelchic
Just having relaxing weekend
Hope your doing okx

Hi

Have come to a bit of a decision.

After last weekend and some odd texts from my boyfriend, I have been questioning things somewhat.

Last week, I invited him to mine for this weekend. I said if he caught the train here Friday night/ Saturday morning I'd drive back with him on Sunday and spend the day with him before coming home. His house move means that he now lives just over 50 miles away.

He wasn't too keen on this, made an excuse and suggested I just drove over to his for the day tomorrow. But he has already said since moving 2 weeks ago that he won't be coming to see me until he has a car (has been saying he'll get one for the last few months but isn't really looking) because it'll take 2 hours by train.

Now, there are a couple of reasons whilst, although I was a bit about this, I didn't really object to doing it.

But car trouble means I can no longer drive there. So, he has suggested I take the train over to see him and return later the same day.

Right... so he can't get the train to do one leg of the journey because it's too far to travel, but I can do the train journey twice in one day?

I don't think so.

I think that, for many reasons, this relationship suited me until now. I just don't think it's suiting me any longer.

Yep. He's selfish, FolkGirl.

Hi folk,

It's a real shame but it does seem practicalities are just bringing a natural halt to proceedings. You have said you didn't feel this was a forever relationship but bloody hell it's been amazing for you! I hope if you do decide you can't carry on in this way that you remain friends he seems a lovely guy

This is not good.... Are you guys at that comfortable stage whereby whoever wanted to see the other person, then they make an effort to see the other party too ?

ok loo update- going well and he is pretty hot!

Folk - you know as well as I do that if you want to see someone, 2 hours is worth it. Well worth it.

Do you want to make the trip? Is it the can't-be-arsedness that makes you not want to, or the principle?

He's being really selfish. But do you actually care?

I'm just trying to get a picture of where you are in your head/heart in all this

Folk, That's a shame but he is being selfish, but you sound so much stronger now. If it has or is coming to an end I'm sure you'll be ok x

Goodguy, I'm doing ok but even 3 pairs of new shoes hasn't put a smile on my face. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself. x

It sounds like my ex and me too. He later after we broke up told me that he "expected" me to slot into his life in the US, and get a green card and do all the rest cos he said I worked in IT. I was obviously livid. He said he wanted also to move back to SE Asia too to look after his parents, which he also wanted me to do too. Which I contemplated the feasibility of, and I do not mind as my mother is out there also. But when I offered to go half way, he did not take this option, cos his brother wanted him to be in NY ! Where do I fit in ? I was soooo mad. I'm at the bottom of the hierarchy here, and without any trust and loyalty from him.

I think there is a time and a point in time as well, where you do have to edge towards a bit of security as well, and slowly row to the same goal, just a bit.

After all my crying, I dumped him. He was upset, and then he went and asked his mates for advice and they all told him. He "suddenly" woke up and want a partner now, and we are still communicating. If anything, I figured out the kind of person he is tbh. I was worried about how we would be together if I am considering him for the future. I had no idea, but this now reassures me a little bit. But I still do not know how we cope together in general. I kind of have just tried to stay positive, which we both agree to.

I would take it slow and see if the good feelings remain or if he would do something else as well to counteract his situation. Plus, is he a procastinator too ?

Well ex has just sent me a couple of texts, just general chit chat. Hows your day been etc. I thought he'd be spending time with new/old GF :/

I'd be tempted to send "git" back.... lol.
Petty lady, moi ? Yes I am. ;)

To be honest, if he can be that open, then why can't you be open with your feelings too ? "Children who play together stays together."

Don't worry Steelchic
I think your doing very well Steelchic There nothing wrong feeling sorry for yourself you body just greiving you will feel better soon I'm sure
Good things happen eventually to good peoplex