Dating thread 75

[DeliberatelyDreaming]

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

Steel, he can't have his feet in both camps. You don't have to say in the thread, but would you take him back if it didnt work out with his old flame?

A quick question for any match.com gurus. If someone's not paid their subscription, can they still favourite me? I e-mailed a guy. He then added me as a favourite but there's no indication that he's viewed my profile either. Just wondering if he might be a member of the 'ghost army' of non-paying voyeurs on match. Anyone know? I'm just curious.

Yes you can favourite without paying a subscription. So you can see he's favourited you can you?
I find match annoying.

Thanks Rummi. Yes, I can see that he's favourited me and the timing is after I sent a message. It's annoying that I can send a message to someone who's not paid but who shows up as having logged in over the last 24 hours. I'm struggling to see that Match is worth the subscription compared to POF.

I also hate the way I have to keep plugging in my Advanced Search criteria. That could just be me being dim though but it resets to the default settings each time I stray from the search results. Very irksome.

Really sorry to hear that folk. And it sounds very one sided of him to expect u to travel like that.

Steel is go non contact if you can although it's hard it makes it easier in long run and he is having his cake and eating it to some extent if still contacting you

Yeah go avocado hope rest of date as good

Hi all. Had to text him this evening because I had something on. Just one of the many things that means I've had a really hectic few weeks.

I think he just hasn't realised the impact of me working full time and him moving further away. I always have a lovely time with him and he's very attentive, but I just can't do that anymore.

I have a full time job, 2 children and a very full and active social/'extra curricular' life. I do still care for him very deeply and I've no doubt that ending it will make me feel very sad, and there will be times I wonder if I've done the right thing. But no, this was never going to be a forever relationship, and yes, I'm much stronger as a result and have learned so much about myself during this time.

I would hope we would keep in contact but, to be honest, he's not that great at communication now. I suspect I'd never hear from him!

I would be prepared to make the effort to travel that distance if I felt that it was reciprocated. I just feel like it would make me a bit of a mug to do it otherwise.

Folk you sound like your head is screwed on here. Yes, you will be sad and yes, you will miss him, especially on those occasions that you spent time with him but... look how far you've come since meeting him!

FWIW I think you did absolutely the right thing in asking him to come over and spend some time with you at your home and he did absolutely the wrong thing in not accepting your invitation.

I fear your instincts last weekend (I think that's when it was) were kind of right. I'm not sure if he was out with another woman but his non-body language is suggesting a huge element of checking out of your relationship.

In all honesty, in your shoes I'd have been a bit disappointed that he moved further away from me... especially after all the supportive and lovely things he was saying around the time you went away together.

Stay strong - if I can do it, you certainly can!

Thanks Before.

I posted before I read an email he sent me.

He didn't exactly say it was 'over' but he alluded to it, saying that he was finding this too painful and feeling that I have been distant....

I have been busy over the past couple of weeks, but that's because I have been busy. If we lived closer to each other and had more opportunity to see each other then it perhaps wouldn't have felt like it has.

So I took a cue from him and said I thought he was right and that we should end it.

I said I didn't think that either of us was in the wrong, just that the differences in our lives had made us incompatible.

I don't know if I was supposed to try and persuade him that we should still be together. But I'm not into playing games. If he's not happy, then that's enough. I think you're right. I think he probably was checking out, but I think he thinks I had already done so.

I will remember him very fondly and when the tears come, I will tell myself that it was never going to last forever anyway, but that he has taught me that I can love and be loved and that one day, if I am lucky, I might find someone who does again.

folk

I'm so sorry Folk. I'm thinking of you. x

So sorry folk. I admire how strong that you have been. I feel that you have come so far. Much love to you x

Thanks. [sad smile]

steel I don't feel strong. I'm crying and my heart hurts.

But I just haven't got the energy to play games or massage egos.

He sent another email which suggested the first was more of a challenge and a test in which I was supposed to 'fight' for him.

But I can't do that. I'm not interested in drama. I just replied and said that he'd said he wasn't happy and I was going to respect that.

So it's over

Thanks Goodguy ??
Rum, no I don't think I would take him back,he never committed to me sometimes I think I liked the idea of being in a relationship more than the actual relationship ...does that make sense ? X
Minime , your right going NC would be the best thing but I don't think I could do that. I feel so much better that he got in touch tonight, just thinking that he was thinking of me today. I know there is no future for us I really do but I don't think I could not have him in my life just now, he feels like a very old friend x

folk I'm so sorry but believe me you are a strong woman, even if it doesn't feel like it just now ...you are. I don't know what to say to you. You are such a lovely person. Your words to me have been such a help. Reading back your posts you do seem to be in a much better place now. ?? x

Steel, do it on your terms then not his. It is hard when they become part of your everyday.

Rum yeah I'm going to try to back off and let him contact me. I don't want to come across as a needy clingy woman. X

Just woke up and felt really happy because of some good stuff that happened yesterday.

And then I remembered

I feel really odd. I feel sad and heavy hearted, but also lighter and relieved. I think that only being able to see him alternate weekends gave an element of freedom the other weekend and evenings, but also became quite restrictive on that weekend. I think he felt the same.

Well I stopped going to my fitness classes largely because they coincided with going to see him at the weekend. Perhaps it's time to start going again...

I've had a really lovely 7 months with him. It irritates me that he might be 'blaming' me when I feel it was mostly circumstantial. But I can't control that. But a couple of things he said suggested he thought I was checking out of the relationship emotionally. Maybe he's right, maybe I was and hadn't really realised it. I don't think I've lost out on 'The One'. There were differences that would have made us incompatible long term. I just need to remember those when I think of all the times he was really wonderful .

I'm certainly not going back to OD, not anytime soon anyway. I've proved I can do it; attract a man, go on dates... The last weekend we spent together was the one where I surprised him with the B&B and we had a lovely time together. So I've proved I can do that too. And I've been asked out my a man in the real world just because he has liked the look of me (not just looks, but apparently I'm always smiling and look happy!); started talking to me and still liked me, and so it would seem I can do that too!

There probably are a few issues I could still iron out, but I'm well on the way to being the best version of me that I can be.

It makes me sad when I think of how many years I spent feeling unloveable and worthless. And fat and ugly. Largely because my mother told me so and then I spent years having shitty relationships with men who reinforced these ideas because I didn't know any better. Just so much life wasted. And now I do wonder if my best years are behind me...

Oh well, onwards and upwards...

Well, a lovely 7 months when I wasn't the victim of my own angst - which did seem to take up a lot of time. But I was also aware at the time that that was a necessary process for me.

I think I probably am ok, after all.

Folkgirl I'm only just starting my dating journey after 15 years out (just starting to feel the angst of whether I'm ready to invest emotionally and how I would feel if/when it turns out its not meant to be) so have no wise words for you

Just wanted to say, though, that you sound like you are dealing with it really well - no doubt you will have times when you feel sad but when you do please read your own post from this morning and focus on all the positives you already know

folk oh I'm so sorry it hasn't worked out for you! But as you say, you have grown because of your time with him!

before I spent 2 months on Match and didn't get one date from it. I got over 500 views and a few winks etc but I just found it really odd. Not worth the money at all!

All my dates have been off POF, with one off Tinder. I'm just fed up of the men that favourite/message me, we chat and they ask me out...when I agree they then disappear!! I just don't get it.

I'm OLD to date and meet guys not to message for weeks. The latest guy who I really liked told me his photo's were actually 3 years old and he was now 4 stone overweight! He text me a photo and he's obese. Made me feel really uncomfortable!

Folkgirl really sorry that it didn't work out. You do sound very strong though and that you will take some positives away from this.

I just needed to tell someone that my date last night went really rather well We met for an afternoon drink, which was lovely, then we both had arrangements for the evening but he told me where he was going to be in case I wanted to pop in later... so I did! And he was very happy to see me... ended up staying out til 2am and having a lovely kiss on the street corner when we went our separate ways.

So lovely having a night without the kids and being out in town, made me feel about 25 again! Although I guess this week will be when reality kicks in as I'll have the kids full time again and it will be hard to find the time for a second date.

Glad you had a great time Avacado :)

Thanks all. I think it's easier because I didn't see him all the time. So it's not like I'm going to be going through every day thinking of what I'd normally be doing with him. And my next few weekends are all booked up with stuff anyway (he's going home so I'd already made plans).

So after that, I'll see. The only problem is that most of my friends are also single, but many of them lead equally busy, if not busier, lives and so my weekends might still end up being quite quiet.

I was considering starting a Masters. Perhaps it's time to give that some more thought...

Avocado That sounds really lovely!

When will you next have a child free night?

Yes give that more thought folk. Do you know what and where?