Twat walked out again tonight

[dingdongdoodlebug]

My goodness me I sometime hate myself for how much i am unable to break free from this fucker.

I spent around 2 hours in the kitchen tonight making his favourite 3 course meal.... when attempting to fire off the creme brulee i burnt them. I was upset cause the rest of the meal was just lovely.. so i said the f word a few times in front my MY 12 year old DS (not his). DS giggled. But fuckhead said it was inappropriate (this tosser is always swearing thought not the f word...). I said oh fuckityfuckwits i am really upset i burnt this.

So he then stuffed the said creme brulee down his greedy neck and walked out. He doesn't live with us [thank the lord] but what a rude ignorant twat he is

Sorry. I am bloody so annoyed and sick to death of his pathetic excuses for walking out. He is a 51 year old man ffs

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

....plus men like him get an ENORMOUS ego boost if you get back in contact, the more "begging" the better, it gives them pleasure as they know they yield so much power over you - DON'T give it to him x

Oh dear I have located his number on an old phone. That was 5 mins ago and have done nothing.

I think I may have implied that he was very physically abusive, he wasn't - it was more push, shove, having a grip on me. And nothing since Christmas Eve (nice!). It was mainly emotional ie. I do something he doesn't like - he walks.

Annie - the bottle has to be better than the phone i will shake myself for you! I actually just did that!!

Ithought - that is truly dreadful :( :( :(

You see I think now he knows I will go to the police he won't do it anymore, he does have some self control. I know he will continue to walk out though.

Wallaby -I got that book for my kindle yesterday, started reading it. Will read more later but really need to try and get studies done as i am going to fail.

It is strange cause he is to some extent emotionally unavailable but he really wants me to move in with him, or him to move in with us, has wanted this for a year but i have managed to avoid so far......

He needs help, but I doubt he'll ever acknowledge that.
And as for you as a couple, you are better off apart.

Remember that you are missing the good bits. Make a list of the bad and put it on all your walls. And computer screen saver and wall.

he was very physically abusive, he wasn't - it was more push, shove, having a grip on me.

This is physical abuse. Actually, DV.
Just because you don't end up in hospital, it's still DV, and instills fear in you.

You see I think now he knows I will go to the police he won't do it anymore

you'd be surprised at how stupid these men are.

But what would happen would be that he'd be less obvious, but still abusive. Not just walking out.

Essentially, do not assume you can control it, make it better or handle it.
You cannot control, make better or handle abusers.

All you can do is walk away.

he was very physically abusive, he wasn't - it was more push, shove, having a grip on me

It escalates, slowly, depending on how much they're allowed to get away with each time. A push turns into a hard shove or kick, a grip will turn into a slap and eventually a punch, or worse.

They're very clever, they'll stop for a while if you protest then slowly build up again.

As Lweji says you can not control, make better or handle abusers. Please don't try.

I just want to speak to him and say look is this really, really it this time. - so you want to talk to him to say you are no longer going to be talking to him, that you are going no contact, that he is out of your life, for ever, this is it this time, ok, no more, I mean it, I'm off now, we are no more, I'm out of here. end of.....
The best way to get this across to him is to GO no contact, don't phone for any reason, no texts, no messages, no emails, no talking to friends of, relatives of, neighbours of.

Really, it gets easier. The first week is the hardest, but if you phone/contact him now, you will have to do this first week again.

It gets easier.

Oh, it was only having a grip on you. That's ok then.

NOOOOOTTTTTTT!

Stop looking for his number. Stop thinking about him and contacting him. He crossed a massive line there. That line will get blurrier and blurrier.

Do you want to be a social worker? You won't be a good one if you go back to him.

And just for emphasis, look at my angry face --->

Your silence and lack of contact with him says so much more than any explanations you could give.
Once you give in to that you will be tempted to ask him why he did the things he did and try to get him to see your view. He will never have that revelation because he likes to do what he does, its part of what makes him him end of.

Delete the number off your old phone you must have been looking for it otherwise you wouldn't be here now. Restore factory settings and let it go.

Oh, it was only having a grip on you. That's ok then.

NOOOOOTTTTTTT!

Stop looking for his number. Stop thinking about him and contacting him. He crossed a massive line there. That line will get blurrier and blurrier.

Do you want to be a social worker? You won't be a good one if you go back to him.

And just for emphasis, look at my angry face --->

Oh, it was only having a grip on you. That's ok then.

NOOOOOTTTTTTT!

Stop looking for his number. Stop thinking about him and contacting him. He crossed a massive line there. That line will get blurrier and blurrier.

Do you want to be a social worker? You won't be a good one if you go back to him.

And just for emphasis, look at my angry face --->

Oooops, did I post that enough?

Oooops, did I post that enough?

Lets hope it has the desired efffect, raskova.

It's so so simple though. Good people are good people. not good, brilliant, great some of the time but the other times they're busy losing you your job or pushing you around. When hes'brilluant', he's acting. Pretending.

Look at where you are because of him. In the middle if police statements and worrying about money because he lost you your job. Insane.

If you want a nice life, stay away from the shitscrape. Anything nice about him is as fake as it is temporary.

I think I may have implied that he was very physically abusive, he wasn't - it was more push, shove, having a grip on me

If someone did this to me I'd have them charged with assault. I would feel quite frightened of a partner pushing me about and would feel very worried if I got to the stage of feeling that it wasn;t really too bad.

at raskova's angry faces at me - they made me giggle!

well i'm afraid earlier i caved and phoned. BUT I didn't speak about getting back with him, nor did I tell him I loved him or missed him. He said 'what do you want' and i said to hear you voice. So he went into how upset he had been by my behaviour sat night and he thought i was showing DS that it was fine and funny to swear at him. He said he was seething with anger so left so that he didn't say anything in front of DS. He said that when i sent him that text later calling him a repulsive ungrateful old man he decided i obviously did hate him and i couldn't contain it

He said he thinks we are bad for each other, that i drive him nuts and he drives me even more nuts and that we will end up putting each other in an early grave. he said he thinks i should be with some more tolerant and patient who can deal with my pmt [hmmm] He said i should try it,, going out with other people and see what its like. He said he loves me and misses me but thinks we really should make a clean break and not get back together this time.

I didn't say that much really! Then I had a sleep cause I been awake in the night. And now I feel much better, and right now, I do not want to be with him and don't have that desperate need for contacting him. It was wrong I know but if it does help me move on then so be it.

My plan is to remain no contact (well if we ignore my blip)

Quickly goes out for a cycle before lovely mumsnetters give me good telling off for contacting shitscrape........................

'To hear your voice' ? Oh wow he must be puffed up like a peacock! I hope its a long bike ride you have gone on...

Just re reading that he has offered you a clean break. Take it. Don't look back and run for the hills.

We're not angry, just disappointed.

Oh no, wait

Still pedalling ?

Nah pedalling done. Just got DS to bed. Gosh thats a lot of little angry red faces Rask!
I still feel better in myself and I started to think if we did get back together I know how this weekend would go - and I don't want it

Don't under estimate your addicted sides destructiveness. You are already convincing yourself he will never do anything bad to you again because you showed him you won't take it lying down.
He however has already told you he treats you like shit and will continue to do so should you remain in contact and would prefer you didn't.

However he is a narcissist and isn't going to turn down a bit of ego massaging in the form of you crawling back to him.
You know already he would make your life hell if you did.

You are beginning the white wash. For some it takes the form of he didn't mean it, I must have provoked it. You are more aware, well not necessarily aware but less beaten down by his views. You know he did and that makes it even more dangerous because you are addicted to him some deep part of you doesn't care how he treats you so long as you have him. This is the part you need help to overcome. The side of you that is addicted to the cycles of lows and highs would see you give up every shred of self esteem, friend and family member you had to keep him even though you know he is a shit.

This is why you need to go no contact, you are sticking your head in the jaws of the lion and you know it. So desperate is a part of you to remain in his thrall that you've basted yourself in antelope in the belief it is lion repellent.