Twat walked out again tonight

[dingdongdoodlebug]

My goodness me I sometime hate myself for how much i am unable to break free from this fucker.

I spent around 2 hours in the kitchen tonight making his favourite 3 course meal.... when attempting to fire off the creme brulee i burnt them. I was upset cause the rest of the meal was just lovely.. so i said the f word a few times in front my MY 12 year old DS (not his). DS giggled. But fuckhead said it was inappropriate (this tosser is always swearing thought not the f word...). I said oh fuckityfuckwits i am really upset i burnt this.

So he then stuffed the said creme brulee down his greedy neck and walked out. He doesn't live with us [thank the lord] but what a rude ignorant twat he is

Sorry. I am bloody so annoyed and sick to death of his pathetic excuses for walking out. He is a 51 year old man ffs

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

[Raskova]

Ha, just felt like one more for emphasise.

I have to say, thou you've been contacting him and you shouldn't, none of it is bad contact iykwim. It'll all be fine and at least you have scratched your itch.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Its not all bad though, you haven't begged him to come back, you have however admitted in code you miss him.

He has said you need to call it a day.

If you leave it at that it and no more it may help you heal but like I said in my previous post you are in danger of being a moth to the flame unless you stay very aware of your actions with regards to him and the reasoning behind them.

[Raskova]

Excellent post mind reader!

How you doing today ding?

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Morning Mind Reader and Rask

Peaceful nights sleep = heaven. Feeling much better today. Feel I can get on with my stuff without thinking about him.

I don't know why. I suppose I feel I could actually pick up the phone and ask him over and he woudl come. I am not happy that I feel like that but if it gets me past a nasty stage and on and away from him then all good.

I know I am addicted to him. CBT starts tomorrow (though its initial consultation rather than start) and I will tell them my only goal right now in time is to get past him. That is it.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Police phoned re doing statement next week. :(
cold feet brrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Victrix]

Get your wooliest socks on OP, you're doing fine

[Raskova]

Have you done a list of pros and cons for the statement? How do you feel about it?

cBT sounds good. I hope it's helpful. Sounds like you're in a much better place after speaking to him. Hopefully, that feeling won't grow again with time apart.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Unfortunately the feeling didn't stay with me. I text. He phoned. After a very long conversation he asked if I wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow. I agreed. I am now thinking of cancelling. Don't know what to think.

Scared to do statement. It will be so final and he will hate me. Maybe thats what I need though as I am clearly currently not strong enough.

[Raskova]

I bet he's cackling to himself about how you always come back...

[Lweji]

You do need to get a grip.

He is very bad news and you will regret it.

But don't cancel. Just don't show up.

[Raskova]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2085650-LTB-playlist

For you.

[Icimoi]

DO.NOT.MEET.HIM.

You know will end up feeling like you did when you started this thread. Don't do it to yourself.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Enjoying the playlist at the mo :)

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Raleigh Ritchie - Stronger than Ever

love it

[TheWanderingUterus]

Don't meet him.

Do the statement.

Live a long and happy life with copious amounts of fantastic sex (with non-cunty respectful man).

Be happy.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Wandering - sounds all good. Will take that list along to my CBT tomorrow and see what they think

[EverythingCounts]

Whatever you do, don't go and meet him. Really, either cancel or just avoid. You will be back at square one at this rate.

[EverythingCounts]

Whatever you do, don't go and meet him. Really, either cancel or just avoid. You will be back at square one at this rate.

[Raskova]

Good luck at cbt

[wallaby73]

Please do not go - it is so hard not to fall into the same old pattern, but it's like weaning yourself off a drug, and here he is dangling another hit in front of your face......it may well be it has crossed his mind you are giving a statement.

Just try to stand right back for a minute - you have been witness too or involved in a situation which is so serious, you have been asked to make a statement, the police want to take further a matter against one of their own (i am assuming he is also a cop). He has such a hold over you, that you have only just consented. Can you see just how under this arsewipe's thrall you are?

I know it will be so hard not to meet him, it goes against everything you have done so far and you will want to ignore all the voices of dissent on here and go anyway. He's clicked his fingers and off you trot, and yet again he's smirking to himself at how irresistable he is. DON'T BE THAT WOMAN. Every fibre of you will yearn to go, because you are not following the pattern, you will panic and want to cave - i have been here! But y'know, the first time you defy the pattern, for once they are left hanging (like you have a gazillion times before and they go silent on you.... For days?) and the sense of freedom is ACE. It's like the first step of emerging from a hideous spell.

You need to do what is best for you and your son. Don't get re-entangled with this man, he has nothing to offer. It breaks my heart that you have come so far, all that blood sweat and tears through these past few days, and you could be about to throw it all away. Please, basically your son is more important. And YOU are too. Just don't turn up, switch phone off. Xx

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Well I have sent a text saying don't want to meet up today. I couldn't just not show as he was coming out of work to meet me so not really fair. Got a text straight back saying 'ok'

Hurts but i know its best

Great post wallaby, it hit the spot!

Off to CBT shortly

Bring on the new life feeling determind!

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Update: I didn't reply to his 'ok' - just received another text:

I predicted you would cancel and don't want to go on another roller coaster with you! Its been nearly two weeks since we met and and it really is best we end this now - sorry, but I don't want this any more and am going to move on with my life. Please don't contact me again

he is just trying to take control and hurt me

will ignore it!

[captainmummy]

good luck at CBT, op.

It strikes me that you are completely separating the two aspects of this - your relationship with him, and the statement you need to give police. These are NOT separate. OF COURSE he is trying to get you to not give the statement. The coffee, the texting, the money- all designed to make you feel loyal to him, and less likely to want him charged. He knows this - he is a police officer. You think if you don't give the statement, that he will like you and maybe the relationship will continue, better than before?

You owe him nothing. Make the statement; let the police do their job. Get on with your life. End of.
Really. End of.

[wallaby73]

Now hold fast! It will be hard, dammit you are SO IMPRESSIVE!!

[captainmummy]

x-post op. It looks like he is trying to end the relationship.

Let him.