Twat walked out again tonight

[dingdongdoodlebug]

My goodness me I sometime hate myself for how much i am unable to break free from this fucker.

I spent around 2 hours in the kitchen tonight making his favourite 3 course meal.... when attempting to fire off the creme brulee i burnt them. I was upset cause the rest of the meal was just lovely.. so i said the f word a few times in front my MY 12 year old DS (not his). DS giggled. But fuckhead said it was inappropriate (this tosser is always swearing thought not the f word...). I said oh fuckityfuckwits i am really upset i burnt this.

So he then stuffed the said creme brulee down his greedy neck and walked out. He doesn't live with us [thank the lord] but what a rude ignorant twat he is

Sorry. I am bloody so annoyed and sick to death of his pathetic excuses for walking out. He is a 51 year old man ffs

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

[Raskova]

A little concerned for you now?????

[Raskova]

Dingdong, what's going on???????

[Raskova]

That's what I was thinking wallaby. I've had serious troubles getting on here tho the last few days. Perhaps OP has too???

Come back OP. We love you regardless

[wallaby73]

Lovey, if your silence means you have had a serious blip, don't worry about coming back.....the reality is it can take several attempts to finally break free......very rarely does someone see the light, go "righto, yep, that's it!" in one fell swoop, otherwise this board may well not exist! Xxx

[TheDudess]

Hi Ding
Just read your thread and wanted to say that I think you're doing brilliantly at extracting yourself from this vile man. Keep up the good work!

[KillashandraRee]

How're you doing doodle did you manage to not contact this evening?

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Doubt it very much. She is not keen on him but wouldn't say it.

[Lweji]

So, she feels sorry for him?

[dingdongdoodlebug]

I don't think she thinks I should be with him. She knows I am in a mess without him and told him I am happier when he is there.

She just said if I go back it will be the same.

[Lweji]

This may explain why you are drawn to him.
What is your mother like?

[Lweji]

Does your mother think you should be with him?

[dingdongdoodlebug]

I had a complete panic when I was out earlier cause I don't have his phone number. I had been speaking to my mum and telling her what happened that Saturday night. She said she though I was out of order and didn't blame him for walking out...................

So, in my panic I sent a blank email to his work email address cause thought he would reply which has his 'sign off' on it containing his mobile number..... got a reply with a '?' on it and no sign off so didn't get the number. Sorry but I am laughing at myself even though it is actually not funny. I just sent a '?' back...........

Don't desert me please

Oh, and yes he is highly pompous and full of own self importance!!

[KillashandraRee]

Wallaby I think he sounds pompous too, I think we might find we can all enjoy a laugh at him over the next few weeks if Dingdong stays strong he'll panic.

[KillashandraRee]

Dingdong,

I've been in your situation and it really is textbook the way he's trying to manipulate you to come back to him by saying it's over forever. You've got to remember that it's YOU who has made that decision NOT him. His words are only responses to your actions. YOU are controlling this situation and you are doing what is best for you and your DS.

Try laughing at how pathetic and transparent his attempts are rather than dwelling on the feelings he managed to manipulate from you. If you reduce him to a laughing stock in your head it will help you see him for what he really is.

I live by the sea too, it really helped me to get out and walk the beaches whenever I wanted to contact ex p the fresh air seemed to motivate me and blow out the cobwebs. Keep posting on here every time you want to contact him don't give him the power back he's had it for far too long.

[wallaby73]

I found these urges would build and "peak", in the past it's at that peak i'd crumble and contact.....nowadays i find that i know that "peak" feeling doesn't last if you don't act on it, switch phone off, that initial anxiety(what?? Switch OFF his method of contact?? What??) dies down and the urge passes.....and you have taken another step forward.

I am still highly amused by his ever so pompous "well i anticipated you'd cancel so......". So transparent, and desperately trying to regain control. What a complete PC dicksplash!! (That's what my friends called mine, technically he was way senior to that but still, PC dicksplash suited!)

[cestlavielife]

keep to no contact.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Killash you are right. He is trying to put in back by his rules. I am not allowed to contact him and he has said thats it forever so its his decision, he is in control and yes you are right also it makes me want to go running to him!!

CBT was a little dissapointing as now I have to wait til June 16th to get a plan of action as to what we will be doing.... whether another service may be better than CBT etc etc. They have given me a booklet on depression to read first... but still could do with support now, not in 3 weeks. Ah well

Naughty he won't do lump sum. Its this way or nothing cause he has this extra money coming in from something else... its this he is passing on to me. Either way I imagine he will stop once he knows about the statement.

Ignoring my desire to run to him. Jeez I am really starting to really piss myself off in a MAJOR MAJOR way!!!!!

[Lweji]

he is just trying to take control and hurt me

yes, and keep to no contact.

He was the one who walked out and he's the one creating the roller coaster.

[NaughtySpottyBengalCat]

Your post really hit a chord with me OP. I was you 15 years ago. It really was an addiction. It took me about 5 or 6 years (yes years) to get over him and I have not dated since. I never will date again. My choice, as I know I can't trust myself to make good decisions with men. For me it ended when he went to prison on remand for rape

Unlike me at that time, you have a lot of self awareness and are getting the help you need with CBT. This time next year you will be finishing your masters and a whole new world will be opening up for you. With this experience you can learn from it, reset your twat radar and find a decent man that will treat you and your son right - and be a good role model so your son doesn't make the same sort of mistakes.

If you desperately need the money get him to pay it as a lump sum. Don't mess around with installments - he will use it as an excuse to maintain contact. Or if you can, ideally find a job you enjoy until you go back to uni and cut all contact. If your not working you have far too much thinking time. Time to feel sorry and have him back.

Like any addiction, you will only give him up when it's the right time for you. I hope you are there. You deserve so much better. Good luck.

[wallaby73]

Killash - you've nailed it. Totally. He's so full of hot air it's actually embarrassing.

[KillashandraRee]

Morning Dingdong, read through your thread early this morning.

I think he has sent latest text to try and turn it around and make it his decision. He thought you were following the usual pattern by agreeing to meet him today, but when you cancelled it has left him feeling out of control as you are not following the rules of your relationship. This has left him scrambling to try and regain control as (heaven forbid) you took control and changed the game. This is why his text sounds so final and I imagine there is a part of you that wants to go running to him after receiving it, which is what he's hoping for.
Stay strong and don't reply, you've got him on the back foot for the first time and to keep him there all you have to do is move on and be happy with DS without him.

Good luck with CBT today x

[captainmummy]

x-post op. It looks like he is trying to end the relationship.

Let him.

[wallaby73]

Now hold fast! It will be hard, dammit you are SO IMPRESSIVE!!

[captainmummy]

good luck at CBT, op.

It strikes me that you are completely separating the two aspects of this - your relationship with him, and the statement you need to give police. These are NOT separate. OF COURSE he is trying to get you to not give the statement. The coffee, the texting, the money- all designed to make you feel loyal to him, and less likely to want him charged. He knows this - he is a police officer. You think if you don't give the statement, that he will like you and maybe the relationship will continue, better than before?

You owe him nothing. Make the statement; let the police do their job. Get on with your life. End of.
Really. End of.

[dingdongdoodlebug]

Update: I didn't reply to his 'ok' - just received another text:

I predicted you would cancel and don't want to go on another roller coaster with you! Its been nearly two weeks since we met and and it really is best we end this now - sorry, but I don't want this any more and am going to move on with my life. Please don't contact me again

he is just trying to take control and hurt me

will ignore it!