He told me he is bisexual

[onbehalfof]

Met a guy on dating site 10 months ago.
Took it really slow.
Had loads of conversation about what we wanted, expectations etc.
He made big speeches about 'let's be uninhibited, let's be free, be honest'
Slept together after 4 months.
I asked him if he had ever been with a man, had boyfriends or gone down that road.
He said no.
After 10 months he told me by text that he is bisexual.
I can't believe he kept this from me.
If I had known from the start I wouldn't have gone there.

Very interested to hear different perspectives.
I feel like the whole 10 months has been a lie.

The more I read this thread the more sad I get.

No-one has answered my question yet either.

You get with a man, he's lovely, everything you've wanted in a man. Things are going really well and have been for a good few months. You're happy. Then you find out he's bi. Would you seriously end it?

And if my partner decided it was suddenly disgusting and 'against his sexuality' that I'd had female partners in the past I'd tell him to fuck off and never see him again. My past sexual partners and preferences have fuck all to do with my current partner, as long as I'm STD- free.

This is getting a bit ridiculous.

It reminds me of when I was 16 (and a virgin) and a man told me I had to prove to him that i was not racist by sleeping with him.

Sexual preferences is just that.

It is not true that others did not answer that question. I already answered it and said to the OP that I would ditch him.

To be direct and blunt.

You get with a man, he's lovely, everything you've wanted in a man. Things are going really well and have been for a good few months. You're happy. Then you find out he's bi. Would you seriously end it?

Obviously there is a misjudgment somewhere because he cannot be everything that I wanted if he had previous partners and experienced different sex with different people, which I find offputting. I would not actually want to date people or be with someone long term, if their values do not coincide with mine. They should not feel ashamed or anything if I decide to end it with them, because it is a decision which they, and I presume, that they consciously is aware of.

If they are not aware of this, and blame others for judging them, then they are also short-sighted as individuals and I too would not want them to be with me.

Corukate Not my problem, because you stated that you want others to value you way above they value themselves. So I take it that you are heterophobic then ?

QuintessentiallyQS That is quite scary to hear, because it was, as I understood it, how young girls get raped. Because they are young and vulnerable and did not stand by their own gut instinct, and get manipulated by those older than they are, or is different than they are.

And some people are suggesting that we should throw this kind of gut instinct, and self respect away.

Sorry Maise but sexual orientation isn't a 'value', it's not like they decided one day that's what they'll do.

Surely you should judge people on 'values' that they have developed themselves and can change, rather than something they were born with?

I honestly can't believe people would rather give up the possibility of a beautiful relationship, rather than be with a man who had previously had sex with another man. Is it the thought of where his penis has been? The image of him with a man... what??! I just don't get it.

oh and Maisie that last comment about gut instinct is actual tosh and very offensive. So you have this 'gut instinct' against bi sexual people to protect yourselves because of course they're exactly the same type as the person who tried to coerce quint in sex

Tequila I find what you say very offensive too. Cos "sexuality" is not something intrinsic that you are born with. I can choose to sleep with a man, or I can choose to sleep with a woman. My gender and my body is defined. This is a fact. You say that I was ignorant, but then so are you. I see people bullying others on being heterosexual and being open about it. Since when has this had to be so ever ?

I do not need to put my headspace into that of someone bisexual and own everything and embrace everything that they are about. I just know who I am, and what my preferences are, and how I work. That is just maturity, surely ? Are you suggesting that other bisexuals should get preferences over other people's lives and how they wish to see the world at large and for it to be in their terms, is that what you are suggesting here ?

I thought that it was very obvious what the OP meant originally. So for others to throw their dummies out of the pram is just, frankly, pretty rude. When they are called out on this, then they play the dumb card. That is not fair. Cos you wrote those words, so own those words or apologise for the accusations.

What kind of world are we living in, whereby a person can accuse someone of something, and then they can spread it across publically, and point fingers at the fact that someone had prejudiced against them, instead of others listening with their hearts and get the intent of the original poster correct ?

MaisieO I am heterosexual. I sense no heterophobia here (and I have experienced it in RL, when working in an environment with predominantly gay co-workers some of whom who thought all heterosexuals were weird and were 'disgusted' by pregnancy). None.

What I have seen is that you have said some things which are a bit unusual and come across as prejudiced/why. Then you keep claiming to not understand why people are upset and playing the victim. You upset people and showed no remorse and had a strop: others reacted to this, that is not coercion or phobia.

Sorry, as a fellow "silly stupid heterosexual" that's how I see it.

...sorry I need to add: your reactions etc' have stood you apart from other people who would not look for a bisexual partner.

You have said some really ignorant things.

Completely different to someone just saying their preferences.

Squizita To be honest, I was on here to share empathy with the OP because I can feel her sadness. I was and had been in similar situation whereby I had to deal with this kind of thing. So for others to continually go off on one about this being an actual "debate", when in reality, the OP was voicing her own concerns, and just want to check her own moral radar. I am surprised that so many people, wanted to persuade her and change her mind than to actually allow and support her own instinct in this kind of sensitive situation. If she liked the guy enough, surely she would not be upset by this fact? It is NOT fair for her to be then accused of homophobia, and even when other ladies have supported this, the amount of bisexual women suddenly going off on one is just absolutely amazing. When I turn the argument and used their style of communication back at them, they seemed "shocked". Golden rule. If you do not like how others are treating you, then do not treat others in a way which you do not like.

If a bisexual dislike heterosexuals, then I would not even bat an eyelid. It would not even be skin off my nose.

Maisie You were born being attracted to the opposite sex. So was I. Some of us are born attracted to the same sex, others both. What you're talking about now is people choosing to follow through with their feelings. You were born heterosexual, so you wouldn't choose to sleep with a woman, why would you? But if you're born attracted to women, you would. So really it would seem that your problem is with the fact they chose to follow their innate feelings. Do you think they should deny them and instead go with what their genitals say should be 'right'.

I don't see anyone bullied for being heterosexual. Heterosexual means you're attracted to people of the opposite sex. It doesn't mean you're attracted to other heterosexuals. It's the people who seem to think only hetero and hetero can have relationships who are being questioned.

Squizita May I remind you that some bisexual ladies are actually bullying the poor OP into accepting this person ? This is also the "relationship" section, and not the "debate" section.

Someone already kindly put forward the suggestion of personal preferences and other ladies seem to overstep this line and is pushiness and beyond and break this kind of respect of others. I find that horrendous to read.

^What I have seen is that you have said some things which are a bit unusual and come across as prejudiced/why. Then you keep claiming to not understand why people are upset and playing the victim. You upset people and showed no remorse and had a strop: others reacted to this, that is not coercion or phobia.

Sorry, as a fellow "silly stupid heterosexual" that's how I see it.^

100% agree. All I see is Maisie having a wobbly lip moment and trying to play the victim when it's her who has exhibited attitudes which are frankly.. very questionable.

Made an account just for this! But my reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with MSM are much more prosaic. They're the same reasons the National Blood Service has for deferring MSM and women who have sex with MSM for 12 months after sexual contact; you are at a significantly higher risk of getting HIV.

Obviously this can be mitigated with testing before you get into a sexual relationship, something everyone should do anyway. But my gay male friends in monogamous relationships all use condoms regularly to eliminate this risk, and I hate using condoms.

www.tht.org.uk/get-involved/Campaign/Our-health-policies/Blood-donations

Was waiting for that one..

Tequila I am sorry but I do not need to justify myself to you, and continue to get into an argument with you about homosexuality, heterosexuality, and for one, you are not my mother, and not my teacher. We are grown adults here. So I do not need a lecture. Thank you. I find it more and more horrifying to read, and to see that others do not stop for a moment and to think about what they are actually writing and doing on this thread. How their inputs are seen by others.

For the same reason I would not go out with anyone who had ever injected drugs.

You know another group of people who have a high risk of HIV Alyosha? People from Zimbabwe. Would you automatically stay away from anyone from Zimbabwe because of that stats you've read?

Tequila I see you bullying the poor OP, and that is why I stepped in. Maybe you seem to think that other posts by other bisexuals ladies on this thread is "acceptable". The OP already mentioned that this is giving her a headache and she is even more upset by the arguing and all these kind of brainwashing info which is not helping her to begin with. Can you not see how our involvements actually affect someone else on here ??

EQ is not rocket science.

Tequila, it's a disease that's more common amongst bisexual men than (non injecting) heterosexual men. Obviously heterosexual men are not 100% "risk-free" as it were, but if a heterosexual guy cheated on me and we weren't using condoms, it would be very unlikely he would get HIV. Still unlikely if he cheated on me with a man, but the risk would be higher, significantly higher.

Maisie Sorry but you need to practice what you preach. Are you worried your special snowflake heterosexual people may think about sleeping with a bi sexual person what a travesty!

I think it's best we don't engage further, I'm obviously one of the people who don't subscribe to the same 'values' as you....

Tequila - yes, if someone had sexual history that included sex in Africa, I would not go out with them. Not based on skin colour mind you! That's also a deferral criteria for the NBS..

Or at least get them tested for a year before having unprotected sex.