He told me he is bisexual

[onbehalfof]

Met a guy on dating site 10 months ago.
Took it really slow.
Had loads of conversation about what we wanted, expectations etc.
He made big speeches about 'let's be uninhibited, let's be free, be honest'
Slept together after 4 months.
I asked him if he had ever been with a man, had boyfriends or gone down that road.
He said no.
After 10 months he told me by text that he is bisexual.
I can't believe he kept this from me.
If I had known from the start I wouldn't have gone there.

Very interested to hear different perspectives.
I feel like the whole 10 months has been a lie.

not many men would chose to be 5 foot1inches tall, and as much as my heart goes out to 5foot1inch men, I wouldn't date them

does that make me length-ist? short-ist?

Aw OP hope you're OK. Sounds like you're both sad about things but you don't sound compatible unfortunately and neither of you can really help the way you feel x

Plenty more fish in the sea. Don't give up hope!

Melted I'm a bit freaked out by short men... I probably am a bit shortist but I compensate by being overly friendly to them. I'm 5ft 10in though, so maybe they are really frightened of me! x

I'm sorry OP.. you'll be hurting. :( He's a dick to lie to you in the first place because finding out about a lie hurts.

onbehalfof You should be relieved that he finally found the need to accept and respect you as a person. Finally !

I do not get why sometimes some people find the need to be pushy, and push you beyond your own comfort zone, and try to "break you" as a person. This is manipulation.

Sigyn I do not need my worldview to be changed, and manipulated. I know what I know. I am also the same too as the OP. I want and like to be with a man. I do not have to state publically that I want to do this at all. Why should I any way ? Plus also, what I wrote in my posts here are honestly just my OWN experiences and not my "opinion". It is my worldview, and it is my opinion only.

I do not need to wear a mask and not be myself. I do not wish to be in a relationship with a bisexual and nobody can say or do anything to change this, or need to persuade me to understand them at all. Cos they are and need to find their own partners, same as I would like to find a good partner for myself where I feel comfortable, and feel safe.
To me, that is equality. I wrote that, I know what I am like as a person, and if I am too exposed to the person and emotionally connect with them, I do and I will actually feel sympathy for them, and that is whereby I know I am vulnerable to manipulation. I am not saying that all bisexuals are like that, but I know what I can and possibly be like in a situation. I have met guys that way that are not good for me, and I need to protect myself, and be aware of such things.

For your information, when I wrote "they", I meant it in the context of those 4 bisexuals that I encountered online, and yes, they were pushy and "curious" and kept asking questions and "why why why". I do not need to know why, and I do not need to keep finding answers that I do not even know that I needed to find. It pushes my brain way too much and mentally exhausting. If you do not have things in common with me, then it is not likely that I can relate to you, so no relationship. Simple. Do not ask why.

No coruskate. you're just reading into my posts that suits your own head. Not the way that I'm meaning them.

I'm finding this thread so depressing. Not the distrust of someone who lied, or the preference to sleep with people with particular sexual orientations, but the attitudes towards bisexual people. Now I understand why family members advised me to have relationships with men instead of women, since I had the choice

CorusKate, I think you’re looking too much into it, that you’re personalizing it in some way. Can’t you just accept that people have preferences? And because they may prefer A, it doesn’t mean they are anti-B.

I wouldn’t date bearded men, beards creep me out a bit. HeardItAllNow, is a bit freaked out by short men. My sister won’t date any man who is more than a few pounds overweight, she has a "thing" about the weight of potential partners.

I think this is nothing more than simple human preferences, I don’t suddenly get depressed thinking I am surround by fat-ist, short-ist, beard-ists, and I don’t think because someone prefers not to date bisexuals that they are against bisexuals. Not anymore than I am against 5foot1 blokes or bearded blokes. I just wouldn’t date them. I'll befriend them, work with them, be friendly next door neighbour to them, play tennis with them, share a seat on the train with them, dine with them etc, just not date them. Same way I wouldn’t date blokes who date women my mum’s age or women young enough to be their daughters. It’s every man’s right though to be able to date a woman 25 years older or younger than himself, and I would defend that right (within reason obviously, i.e. a 40 yr old cannot date a 15 yr old). But I wouldn’t date them. I simply not into guys my age who are into women 25yrs older or younger than me. And in the same vein, some women aren’t into men who are bisexual.

I really can’t see how someone can take any of this so personally.

And yes, I would not date any of those 20-something bisexuals who I see as "teens" or "children" because life experience wise, they are so much younger than I. I associate them as younger sisters or brothers at best on an emotional level, and not my equal. To think that they would consider an actual physical and sexual relationship with me is actually really breaking my core values in me. If my mother knew of this, she would be worried, and I would be worried that she is worried. I also find the idea too much to bear. I am 36, almost 40. I cannot cradle snatch. I have lived those periods of life and is moving forward. Sometimes you do have to think about what it is that you want from life. These 20-something have some blinders on, and is wearing those rose-tinted eye glasses. I want children as well.

That is the reality of the world. Find someone who you have something in common with, and be there for one another, and have a good life. I believe that many people can deserve this, and achieve this too.

Lolly will you play tennis with me?

because this thread is about bisexuality.. apologies if you took it to mean something else.. it really wasn't.

I agree you're taking this far to personally.. there's just no need.

my husband is miles older than me.. some people wouldn't date a bloke with a certain amount of years between them. It really doesn't hurt my feelings, it's just the way it is.

Lolly will you play tennis with me?

No, you bloody short-ist so 'n so

Gamerchick Technically, the thread is about OP's experience and her situation. It is not a topic about bisexuality per se. Or it is about bisexuality as a topic of discussion. That is the context here. A few others are emotionally relating to her feelings because they have experienced the same. That is it. Maybe that was also not quite right also, but...

Well that works both ways.. all i've seen on this thread is name calling and labeling as homophobes and the like because some people don't have bisexuality as a sexual preference. I haven't seen any name calling in the other direction.

I'm not shortist, some of my best friends are short!!!

See this is the thing - I don't hate short men - I'm just freaked out at the thought of kissing/shagging one! I don't even look at men under 6ft (and then I think they are a bit small) in a romantic/potential romantic way.

That's terrible isn't it? Apologies to anyone with a shorter DH/DP. Good things come in small packages...

I know someone who is 30 and was in a relationship with someone who is 83. That was her preference and her choice. but there is no way on this earth I would ever go there no matter how lovely and charming and whitty and all round perfect the bloke was. But I don't imagine many people (except the bloke perhaps) would tell me I was a bigot or agist for holding that view. Similarly I'm sure there are 83 year olds who would wonder why he would want to have a relationship with a 30 year old, and that wouldn't make them agist either.

That is no different to not ever wanting to be with someone who has had or might in the future (should our relationship not last) wish to have sexual relationships with other men.

And yes if you are of a different sexual orientation e.g. bisexual or transgender then you need to declare it sooner rather than later. To not do so is deceptive, in the same way someone should declare that they have children early into a relationship or not lie about their age, or declare that they e.g. have a disability.

And before anyone jumps on me for my last comment, I have a disability and this is something which comes up regularly in conversations I have had re how long is it ok to talk to someone before telling them you have a disability? and my answer is you have to be honest as soon as possible, because if the other person has an issue with it (and people might for all sorts of reasons not just prejudice) then you can discuss it or they can leave the relationship if they choose to. And choosing to not be with someone with a disability or kids or who is 50 years older/younger or who is bisexual is a preference which everyone should be entitled to without being judged for it.

As a matter of interest, would people apply the same views of prejudice if the man was e.g. a post op transsexual and hadn't declared it for ten months?

wannabe how talll was this 83 year old?

And did he have a beard??

x

CorusKate, you asked “how can I not take this personally”? Well, like Gamerchick didn’t take my comment about vast age differences personally. Or like (I assume) bearded men all over Britain are not at this minute crying over their keyboard at my bearded-man statement. Or that I have alienated every short bloke out there because I won’t date them. You’re choosing to personalise this.

I think you lack confidence somewhere or somehow. I honestly can’t see why people voicing preferences like this would actually hurt you.

Years back I had a great (male) pal. He always said jokingly if I was just 5 inches taller he would have dated me. It used to crack me up, as it was funny. I am short. I’ll often get digs about my lack of height, and of course I know that a heck of lot of men wouldn’t look twice at me because I am a short ass, but c’est la vie, horse for courses. I am not about to feel bad about my height. I just accept that for many reasons I am not everybody’s cup of tea, and lack of height is just one of them.

IvehearditAllNow, I hear, you, lol. I am only 5 foot 2 myself, but short guys freak me out (in the under the sheets dept) too. And I might have agreed to the tennis after all, but I wouldn't be able to see over the net , so you would have an unfair advantage with my handicap

ivehearditallnow I think he was short, but no idea about the beard.

I don't go for short men either even though I am only 5 ft 2.