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Original poster

Am I being over worried or is this a red flag?

243 replies

Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 18:04

Been seeing my guy couple of months. We've been so happy last few weeks and even said the 'L' word to each other. We've met each other's kids and spend a lot of time together. Had an amazing last few days then yesterday I received a drunken message from an old flame on FB. The text was quite suggestive and my guy was pretty pissed off! He told the guy not to contact me again.

Since then things went downhill, I thought he seemed a bit cool and was suppose to come over tonight. He cancelled saying he going out with his sister now instead.

I just feel really upset although he says we are fine, just have a gut feeling things going wrong.

Just wondered if it me being paranoid?

OP posts:
KellyHopter · 04/05/2014 20:24

So is this what head-over-heels couples do now? Browse Facebook together?
I'm just trying to imagine the logistics of it, both of you squishing heads together fbing on your phone? His and hers chairs parked in front of PC, taking turns to control the mouse?

expatinscotland · 04/05/2014 20:26

His and hers tattoos?

lolaisafuckertoo · 04/05/2014 20:26

I am with my DH 15 years. NOT ONCE have we sat and browsed my FB. I have not a jot to hide or be embarrassed about...but it is my FB. I also keep a diary, I have let him read a passage out of it once.
Boundaries woman. They exist for a reason

LineRunner · 04/05/2014 20:28

So did you show it to him so as not to hide anything, or did he just see it because you were on fb together?

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 20:28

Lola yes I am a bit insecure and maybe it's nothing to do with sleazeball (I'm not friends with btw he private messaged me and now I've blocked him).

We went on together to look at photos of a friend on a night out.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 04/05/2014 20:28

Sounds quite intense and drama-ish for 8 weeks. You can't know someone after 8 weeks...so perhaps this is the start of 'the real him'.

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 20:29

He saw it and I didn't want to hide it from him even though it wasn't a pleasant text for him to see

OP posts:
GarlicMaybeNot · 04/05/2014 20:29

Hang on, you let him open your private messages? Or, at least, he saw you had an unopened message and told you to open it?

scottishmummy · 04/05/2014 20:31

Look cool your jets a bit.all this drama after a few months.
Maybe you've both moved too fast and now need to be more relaxed

badbaldingballerina123 · 04/05/2014 20:34

I'd have binned you off for showing me that message.

lolaisafuckertoo · 04/05/2014 20:35

Hormona it sounds all a bit immature. Photos of friends on a night out? Sleazeballs sending you unwanted messages. Complicted from the get go guarantees snowballing behavior. If he is huffy....well fuck it. Huff.

neiljames77 · 04/05/2014 20:39

He's had his pride dented. He'll be back once he's gnashed his teeth, beat his chest and pissed up a few lampposts.

lolaisafuckertoo · 04/05/2014 20:40

This might be a rude question but here goes....what was your ex like? any similarities that you can see?

DrinkMoreWater · 04/05/2014 20:42

Why on earth did he feel it was his place to reply to your message? Feck that for a joke. You are an adult, surely you are quite able to tell sleezybloke to rack off if you want to?

I get that you are all loved up, I get that things sometimes move fast (been there done that, don't regret it, but it didn't last), but really - who does he think he is doing that?? and as much as you think he's the dogs bollocks right now, there is part of you that realises that his behaviour isn't acceptable - not the replying and certainly not the ditching you and sulking to bring you into line... listen to that part and not the loved up part.

I get that binning him feels like too drastic a step and whilst from the outside we can see it's the obvious answer, on the inside (of the relationship) you can't see that so clearly... but at the very very least keep your eyes wide open and make sure you don't start doing or not doing things just so you don't piss him off or upset him - that you want to do or would ordinarily do. This is how a controlling or abusive relationship starts - getting you to take the blame.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2014 20:43

Oooo, you make him sound so attractive, neil. Wink

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 20:45

That made me laugh neiljames Grin

Balding, why would you bin me off? Please explain?

Lola no the sleazeball nothing like my current guy. He didn't want commitment he just wanted a FWB situation which I made clear to him months ago that I wasn't interested in that.

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 04/05/2014 20:48

It all sounds either pubescent or a bit Jeremy Kyle ish. You mixing with sleazy types and trying to make him jealous. Him playing the caveman warning off other men. Then sulking. You've been together 8 weeks. 56 fucking days! You've met each others kids and 'love' each other. Think you both need to have time alone and grow up. It's pathetic.

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 20:49

Drinkmorewater your post makes sense yes. My ex husband was controlling and jealous and have made it clear to new bf I don't want to be in that kind of relationship again

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/05/2014 20:52

Youve been dating 8week?you can move fast when there are no kids involved
Both of you have kids though,so need to cool it and get a better pace
If you and fancyboy split uo,thats something ti explain to both ser kids

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 21:08

We met each other's kids because we both have full custody of them n it was just easier and that was after we been seeing each other a month

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/05/2014 21:11

Wow, a whole month and you're meeting each other's kids.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2014 21:11

Where is his ex, prison?

scottishmummy · 04/05/2014 21:13

Dating a month?and all this drama,and its the real deal.you both need to cool it

Original poster
Hormonalhell · 04/05/2014 21:14

No she left him and their kids for someone else Expat Hmm

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/05/2014 21:16

Adults no kids can move at a fast pace.but kids involved you need to pace it
So in space month,you met.got loved up.and had a spat as you still get sex message from ex
You need to both grow up.and you need to understand implication of showing current bf message from ex