Am I being over worried or is this a red flag?

[Hormonalhell]

Been seeing my guy couple of months. We've been so happy last few weeks and even said the 'L' word to each other. We've met each other's kids and spend a lot of time together. Had an amazing last few days then yesterday I received a drunken message from an old flame on FB. The text was quite suggestive and my guy was pretty pissed off! He told the guy not to contact me again.

Since then things went downhill, I thought he seemed a bit cool and was suppose to come over tonight. He cancelled saying he going out with his sister now instead.

I just feel really upset although he says we are fine, just have a gut feeling things going wrong.

Just wondered if it me being paranoid?

I think you've been brave Op , and I think you've responded to some of the less helpfull comments very graciously. I hope things work out for you.

Good on you, OP. Keep talking to us on here if it helps.

NeilJames, how very dare you. I am well glam at all times. Even when flicking my bean.

Hope you're ok OP. Many apologies again for my earlier posts. I've read them back and realise how awful they were. I think I got carried away as a good friend is in a similar situation and I just want to shake her! So I'm sorry I let rip, you didn't deserve it.

However things work out I hope you find a resolution that allows you to be at peace with your life. Whirlwind relationships can sometimes work out but they more often don't, it pays to take a step back and breathe. Put yourself 1st!

I wish you all the best.

The bottom line is that if something is going to work out, it will do. So we can all afford to go into things slowly. Get to know people's positives AND their negatives. And work out gradually if they're right for us.
Good luck OP. I am sure things will work out for you (not necessarily with this fellow mind you!), but you sound like you are on the road to self awareness. In my life I have definitely found that the more I understand myself, the more likely I am to make the right choices. All the best - agree with the others, you've been very gracious

That made me laugh Hotsauce or should I say Hotsaucy

Thanks Pinky yes I think a few people on here want to give me a good shake too I've given myself a good shake over the course of the day anyway.

Yes squeegle I agree with you, I need to learn to love myself before I'll find the right kind of love and I don't think I do at present.

It's incredibly hard to do - love yourself.
It's all a bit Oprah but its true.
Good luck.

Hormonal hope you're ok. This thread resonated with me. I've come our of a v intense online relationship and I'm spending time on my own. I'll never rush in again. The advice on here is brilliant. I've really thought about my own issues and getting myself sorted before I even consider a relationship.

Yes Dontcallme it's been fantastic advice I've been given.

You and I are very similar

I don't think his response was appropriate nor do I think you should have got him to respond for you. But he doesn't know you well as yet, and it could be offputting for him. If I were newly seeing a man and he showed me a drunken suggestive text from his ex girlfriend, it would be a real turn-off for me. Id wonder how close they are, why she needs to send him a text like that, but most of all Id wonder why I even need to see it. Then Id leave him to it really, doubt Id want to know the ins & outs or get further involved.

It would have been better for you to deal with the text yourself, and delete. Not show him text perhaps as some sign of your loyalty. & then encourage him to reply for you, which I feel is what you did by the tone of your posts. Still, nobody's perfect we all make mistakes in life at times. Not much you can do if he's cooled off but from what im reading I agree with others that you can take some time out look after yourself and your DCs. No need to get serious with a man at early stages.

As for searching out OPs previous posts/comments talk about a witch hunt! There's just no need. The post is about the situation to hand now, not any previous situation and even if there were any link/similarities - so what? Say it if you must, but actually dredging up info is a bit 'miaow' isn't it

Well you've had some good advice from others on here OP so good luck whatever you decide to do, just look after yourself & DCs first, and let everything else happen naturally :)

Thanks mistressdeecee some good advice there. Yes I've learnt from my mistakes definitely

Hormonal I agree, I identify with you and I also rush into things. I think I'm looking for someone to 'rescue' me. That's not right. So I have a personal trainer, I'm going to counselling, applying for a new job and enjoying my dc. Men come later. And it will be a long time before any man meets my dc again. I think people have been a bit harsh, but there is also some excellent advice. It's so easy to get carried away by intense feelings. I know ! Geeky would get jealous of things on fb too.

Yes I remember him being like that with you. He was all over you too in the beginning wasn't he and then cooled off. It's crazy but yes at least this thread has opened my eyes properly and made me SEE for myself what a naive, selfish and desperate to a degree person I am and it's not right I have to grow up and start being a mum first

I hope you're OK OP. You took a pasting with very good grace.

And I'm glad this thread has given yo pause for thought.

I personally will be having this quote from Pagwatch as a tattoo:

"I had this idea in the back of my mind that there was a life that only made sense if I had a man. And I loved the buzz of the first few months. It was so addictive when everyday life on my own was a grind.
I came to realise that until I stopped falling in love with every bloke I dated I would end up with dickheads forever.
I made them perfect in my head by ignoring their bd qualities as my fault.
It took a long time to stop doing that."

It resonated with me so much and think it is very very true of a lot of women

Good luck to you

Geeky was obsessed with me. He was totally full on. Then...cold. It happens. Don't be hard on yourself. I made exactly the same mistake.

As an extreme example my Dsis who was on her own with her DD met a guy. Very full on, he stayed at hers lots.

He quickly turned aggressive and attacked my Dsis in front of her DD - tried to strangle her and my poor DN had to run from the house to a neighbour. He has since made threats to burn the house down with them in it, and my DN is extremely anxious in relation to locking doors - she is only 8.

I love my Dsis, and want to support her in every way I can, but I do think it was really irresponsible of her to bring this man into her home. The worst thing was that after the first time the violence happened, she let him back and it happened again. I can understand it - she was on her own, lonely, and it is a hard slog bringing up a DD without adult company, but the damage done to my DN is extreme.

Don't be the parent who always has a new beau on the go.

BOOP that's a very good mantra (thank you Pagwatch) but a crap tattoo. You'd have to have it on your back or your bum in reverse so you could read it in the mirror! Better just write it down and stick it in your bag.

OP - you too!

Good point well made Teeny

Maybe on a bit of card? Laminated of course!

My bag's got quite a few MN words of wisdom in it! To be honest, I think they should have produced a book of wise words before a cook book.

Good idea to laminate them.