The Dating Thread 74.

[MadeMan]

Hello and welcome.

Ha! I have a lives with his mum too!

I think my approach this time around after gap yah disasters is to hold back and not commit. So there's angsty man, lecturer man and engineer man. The second two are solvent, professional types who apart from in the relationship sense seem to have their shit together. Obviously I am wasting lots of attention on angsty man! Sigh

Hmm. Wondering if I have rejection/abandonment issues. I've never had contact with my natural father and in my childhood my mum and stepDad had a violent relationship. Since I was 18 I've gone from relationship to relationship with no more than 6 months gap. I'm starting to wonder whether my need for a relationship is a sure sign that right now, I shouldn't be looking for one. I'm wondering if this intense attachment to Geeky was due to some psychological need I thought he fulfilled in me. I started up with my old eating issues after Geeky didn't reply to my message. I think I was punishing myself as he didn't want me.

I'm not checking my email anymore. I don't want to. He's not relevant. I am and the question of why I don't love myself enough all on my own.

Going to a counsellor on Monday.

Sorry to crash the thread, just been musing.

Don'tcallmehon22 - going to a counsellor is v strong x hope it helps

Good to see you Don't - sounds like you've done some great thinking, sorry your food stuff has come back. I have been similar in that my comfort eating recently reached insane levels. It's because it's the first anniversary of the end of my long term relationship.

Why do men in Hong Kong and ridiculous places 'want to get to know me'?! Ffs

Thanks civil Ursula and Scarey.

I would like a relationship but I want to work on myself first so I'm not vulnerable. To some extent I sabotaged the relationship with G and there must have been a reason I did that. Either I had concerns or I wasn't really ready. Either way I forgive myself. I'll date if someone amazing appears but I'm not really looking.There actually must be something inadequate in Geeky if he's on dating sites looking for the 'one' within a week of our split. I'm not inadequate. I'm ok as I am.

Scarey I'm glad you had that talk, I hope you feel better about things.

Jarlin - yes I did sort of think he wasn't over his ex and no I wasn't happy with his rudeness on our date, at all. But to then get the text that I kind of knew was coming. Just makes me feel UGH and want to leave OLD for good!

Scarey great you had the chat. I suppose what your man said is "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" and of course how did he only know you were spying on him and not looking yourself! But at least you talked.

dont - I am pleased you're starting to make sense of it all, good for you and also thinking what you think about Geeky. And yes, you are not inadequate and you ARE ok as you are, remember that!

Hi everyone, first time posting here. Just started OD for the first time, have had a few dates. I had a thread in chat earlier today, have now been on 5 dates with MrGolf but it's all been over dinner. I don't know if I'm expecting too much too soon but all we've had so far is a quick peck on the cheek goodbye. We message throughout the day and he's always keen to see me but just doesn't seem to want any touching or at least doesn't initiate it

Turnedouttoes, I think Id be happy with that, but I like to go slow, really slow! But if you're not then would you make the first move?

Different location maybe?

Turned Hello and welcome

Do you think it could be that he's just being respectful of you? I sometimes wonder if it's a bit of a minefield for men in this respect. If they make a move too soon, we get all indignant and "all they want is sex!", but if they don't, we assume they don't fancy us!

As least, I do

Perhaps he's waiting to take a lead from you?

Seriously - match.com?? Why do I keep getting matched to people who want to date shorter / younger / no children women??? Argh!!

I think that could be right, he's very traditional gentlemanly, doesn't like me to have to pay for anything, always holds open doors for me etc.
It's actually quite refreshing. We're planning on seeing each other this weekend so maybe I'll suggest something that doesn't involve sitting across a table from each other.

Turned I think FG could be right. It's easy for us women to post here about things that happen due to men, but not so easy to see things from their point of view. The old adage of Mars and Venus is so, so true. He may be trying to be a gentleman and let you dictate the pace/place?

Bigbird I'm far too mean to go onto paid sites, but your post made me spit out the coffee I was drinking. It also made me happy I am a tight fisted git.

Hi all also jumping on

Still having a good time with Smallfeet (for those of you who know me!) He met my dad ystd, wasn't sure how they would get on as they really are complete opposites but actually they got on fine.

My only niggle is that he still hasn't said the three magic little words... I am determined not to say them first!! Scarily though I think I might (not say the words but feel the feeling iyswim ) - eeeeeekkkkkk!!!

Dont I think you have analysed yourself really well, I am sort of your polar opposite in that my longest relationship has been 6 months!! I find being single eaiser in a lot of ways than being in a relationship, that said this relationship - so far anyway - the pros are still out weighing the cons

folk so pleased things are still going well - your man sounds amazing and so perfect for you!!

It'll come Girlie it'll come. Things seem to be going great, perhaps he's afraid if he says those three little words too soon it would scare you off. He doesn't want to put his foot in it. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Thank you girlie.

My exH wouldn't recognise the person I am when I'm with him, you know. My boyfriend is just so kind and gentle towards me. He isn't angry or controlling. He doesn't mock me and isn't unkind. And I'm amazed by the person I am when I'm around him.

He is perfect for me. Well, he is right now, at least.

Well semi arranged a date for in week I have a catering job on Wed but the guts reduced numbers still I stood my ground over fee, anyway suggested a meal he seems ok about using left overs lol.

Do you think it could be that he's just being respectful of you? I sometimes wonder if it's a bit of a minefield for men in this respect. If they make a move too soon, we get all indignant and "all they want is sex!", but if they don't, we assume they don't fancy us! That's a really good point FolkGirl. (one I wouldn't have the bottle to say on here)

Mansplaining by proxy!!!

Argh!!!

Can't believe I'm guilty of mansplaining

deliberately that made me snort into my tea!!

Folk i would like to take some of the credit for the fact that you are still with this lovely man - I knew he was a good 'un!!

Does he have a sexy french accent?

Anyone else wondering what happened to Bant ?

Well snakeskin-man hasn't been in touch. Don't think we're a match made in heaven!

Yeah, where is the lovely Bant ? He was always brilliant for explaining things from a guys perspective.

Sorry you snorted your tea Girlie thank goodness it wasn't wine, what a waste.