I know it's partly because I'm ill & everything is worse when you're ill but...I am raging.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I can't be arsed to name change.

Long story short, been with my partner for almost 2 years. We don't live together but are saving up. I've had lots of health issues this year (MH related, a cervical erosion cauterization & biopsy that lead to the diagnoses of precancerous cells which will be treated in a few weeks and an unexplained bowel issue that is being investigated and I've already had a laparoscopy for). To DP's credit although it's not been easy at times he's been very supportive.

This time last year there was a hockey festival (it's on the same time every year and lasts from fri to sunday and involves a few games of hockey and getting very very pissed every night...so fun ). He let me down last year by getting so drunk he can't remember coming home (I was waiting for him at his) and was very upset he'd lost it. I'm of the opinion that it's disrespectful to get that drunk in a relationship as you're putting yourself at risk. I wouldn't do it to him etc. He agreed and we moved on.

Well it's festival time again and all was well until I got a call at 4:30 asking if he could come to mine as his 'mates' ditched him. He didn't sound pissed though. But no, he stinks and is dead to the world, stinking the house out...

His phone went off and I guessed it was his friends making sure he was ok (he told me he just walked off ) so I went to reply, pressed the wrong button bloody touch screen and up popped a download picture of a naked woman (suicide girls photo, sort of soft porn).

And he's one of those 'Oh I'd never watch porn, I don't fancy skinny girls I'm a size 14 since DS and we have sex loads so I don't need to do anything in between'

It's not a massive issue as I then looked at his history (not very mature I know) and found nothing similar in the last month but I now feel like shit and like waking him up and telling him to fuck off.

I also have a stinking cold so probably being OTT.

I've just got so much on my plate health wise, and DS wise and life wise

I also left it so when he opens his phone it'll be on that picture...I should probably close it but I'm too angry to care atm tbh

It's just early and I just want to cry but can't because DS is awake.

I felt shit enough before all this.

Unfortunately he probably will be a pain in the bum for them all weekend but no, it's not my job to deal with that.

No, it's not. You don't have to deal with it, think about it. Let him deal with it like any other adult.

Also, if he is a pain in the bum for them, it just proves how right you are in dumping him. Do you want a man who ruins his friend's stag weekend moping around like a moody teenager, or one who is adult and mature enough to put his own emotional problems aside for a weekend to make his friend's stag weekend special?

Not

Your

Problem

You are thinking like his mum again

That way instead of revelling in a quiet hassle free weekend for the first 24 hrs, thereafter watching the clock and thinking, oh no he'll be along to tell me all about the weekend and sleep over, you will have told him on Friday, then he can sulk off and away.

You know it makes sense.

It is a better plan.

I'm past caring about how it'll affect him. But am more hopeful he doesn't ruin their weekend as they've done nothing wrong. But as you said? He's an adult!

And you'll have done nothing wrong, either. Calling time on something that isn't working is allowed, Orchard.

How he relates to his friends is his business. You don't have to think about it. Would you like it if he were worrying about you being a pain around your friends if you were going away with them for a weekend? I'm guessing not, because you are a capable adult who can manage your own friendships. So don't do it to him either, it is treating him like he is a little boy and his behaviour is your responsibility. Let him be an adult who can manage his own life.

So what's the plan? When are you going to do it?

Do it tonight! Then you know he can't hassle you all weekend cos he'll be away and he won't be able to cancel.

Tomorrow after ds is in bed.

Can't you just text him "You're fired!" with a photo of Alan Sugar doing his point finger fired! pose?

With a "ps have dropped your stuff off at your mum's".

that is certainly tempting.

I'm definitely going to pack it all ready. Part of me is dreading it but part of me is actually excited about it being over and being able to just relax and have whatever home routine I fancy and not having to think about anyone but myself and my son!

All on for Operation "You are so dumped" this evening, then ?

Any news?

Was horrible but it's finally been done

Despit the intial 'rage' he's picked his stuff up and thank the heavens didn't say a word.

Off to bed. It's been a looooooooong week.

Thank you for all the replies/advice

Well done! Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Well done! Hope he doesn't bother you too much now. Just think, now you can get on with your life without having to pander to him!

Well done! Not easy - congratulations on getting your life back!

Thank you. My DM had DS overnight and I slept better than I've slept in ages

Really needed it!

Oh, Orchard, it's always good to have unpleasant things over and done with. It was hard, I know, but it was the right thing to do for both you, and him, really.

And today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Just caught up with this, well done Orchard.

Take care of yourself now, love

Thank you.

Doing great so far really. Considering I thought I'd really regret it or feel really sad/lonely. Just enjoying the novelty of a peaceful home where I can do what I like, go to bed super early (or late), play music early in the morning when DS is already up etc [grim]

*Grin - But Grim is pretty fitting in relation to what mornings used to look like...

Looking forward to the weekend. Seeing some friends and going out without DS or P. First time in a long time.