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Original poster

Partner says I am too fat to have sex with

139 replies

blueeyesindallas · 29/04/2014 09:53

I am 47 years old with one child. I have been married to my spouse for almost three years. A year ago I weighed 114 and became very ill and had two major surgeries. After the illness I weighed 102 and was weak and frail. My husband was very loving and attentive and interested in sex when I was 102. I have gained back up to 115 and my husband told me in the middle of being intimate that the reason he could not maintain an erection was because of all the weight I have gained. I am devastated beyond words. I feel like I should try to get back down to 102 so that I will be worthy of his attention.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/04/2014 09:57

So he wants you weak and frail?

There are no words to describe how shit that sounds so I will just say get rid of him.

MsHighwater · 29/04/2014 09:57

I think your h is too much of an idiot for you to have sex with.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/04/2014 09:58

115 what? Pounds or kilos? Either way your husband is a disgusting piece of work. If he can't maintain an erection he needs to see a doctor. There is no excuse for blaming or insulting you.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/04/2014 09:58

And guess what, you're worthy of your attention - you don't need his.

Frustratedlady · 29/04/2014 09:58

That's horrid. I don't think you should lose weight. He sounds like a arsehole.

wishinwaitinhopin · 29/04/2014 09:58

Jesus Christ! Shock

AgentSchraeder · 29/04/2014 09:59

How much does he weigh? Say, 180? I'd say that's how much you could stand to lose. So he's only attracted to you when you're weak, frail and ill? You deserve to be healthy and with a man who wants you to be well.

Original poster
blueeyesindallas · 29/04/2014 10:00

He claims to have little sex drive, but was enchanted with me when I was 102. I want to end the marriage, but I am afraid this is not a sufficient reason to not honor my vows.

OP posts:
AgentSchraeder · 29/04/2014 10:00

I'd make him an appointment with the gp to discuss his erectile dysfunction and then pack his bags for him.

Handywoman · 29/04/2014 10:01

Oh goodness. Agree you definitely need to lose some (dead)weight - that of your spouse. Please get rid of him.

HavannaSlife · 29/04/2014 10:02

Id take it as 115 lb, you wouldnt feel weak and frail at 102 kg.

Either way he sounds awful. Its not your fault he cant keep an erection, maybe he should see a doctor instead of blaming you

AgentSchraeder · 29/04/2014 10:02

Not sufficient to end the relationship? Are you kidding? Be hard to find a better reason? He is abusive, dangerously so.

fusspot66 · 29/04/2014 10:02

Kick him in his limp cock.
What a poor excuse for a human he is.
Sorry you have this in your life.
You know it's not you, it's him.
I am angry on your behalf.

HellonHeels · 29/04/2014 10:04

Without knowing any further details I can confidently say your husband is horrible. Far too horrible for you to have sex with.

As for your weight, I'm assuming you are from the US and the 115 is pounds. That is around 52kg - 8 stone in the UK. There is no way that that weight is "fat" even if you are well under 5 feet tall.

The only weight you need to lose is the dead weight of your vile husband who is dragging you down Sad

ItsBritneyBitch · 29/04/2014 10:05

115 lbs is fat?! Wink Jesus I'm obese then!

ShelaghTurner · 29/04/2014 10:06

Wow. It's not often I post on relationship threads but this has made me so angry for you. What an absolute arsehole.

I'm Catholic, we're good at vows so I totally understand that bit. But if my DH said that to me at your weight, it'd be the last thing he'd say to me before the front door shut behind him. Please don't let him do this to you.

Atbeckandcall · 29/04/2014 10:06

How utterly disgraceful of him.

Definitely LTB. And yes it's perfectly reasonable to split for the reason.

YY to whoever said kicking his useless flaccid willy next time.

rainbowqueen · 29/04/2014 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMrsTumble · 29/04/2014 10:07

Really?! My initial reaction on reading your title was "tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck" Then I see you're 115lbs.

115 lbs?! FFS (I'm assuming lbs not kgs as to said you were ill and weak at 102) You don't say how tall you are but that is no weight at all. I'm quite sure my slim 11 yo 5ft 5" daughter weighs more.

This is not about you, it's about him & it sounds like he's having issues he's taking out on you. I suggest you point out to him that you are the same (healthy) weight you were before your illness and ask him what's really troubling him.

Original poster
blueeyesindallas · 29/04/2014 10:07

Yes. The 115 is in pounds. I wear a size 6 dress and am 5'4". Thank you all for the kind words. I was starting to believe him when he said I was overreacting.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 29/04/2014 10:08

8 stone is only fat if you are 5 years old!

LTB

(1st time i've ever said that)

RonaldMcDonald · 29/04/2014 10:09

You must have been really shocked and devastated
often people try to shift focus from themselves when they are embarrassed, ashamed or defensive about something
He has treated you really badly.

Tell him trying to have sex with a man who struggles to maintain erection with a healthy is a path you are only willing to tread whilst he admits his problem, seeks help and most importantly treats you kindly
If he can't, please leave, at the moment he sounds vile

gamerchick · 29/04/2014 10:10

You're 8stone 2 and he's going on like that? That's very light :(

Original poster
blueeyesindallas · 29/04/2014 10:11

He is incredibly offended because I asked if he was being intimate with someone else because it has been two months since we had sex. He said my asking if he was cheating is as bad as what he said. I think it is a valid question on my part given the circumstances.

OP posts:
juneau · 29/04/2014 10:13

So your DH prefers you weak and frail than healthy? He's an arsehole. Sorry, but there is no other word for it. The current glamorisation of underweight women is so pernicious, but the fact that your DH would voice this view is very worrying.