Partner says I am too fat to have sex with

[blueeyesindallas]

I am 47 years old with one child. I have been married to my spouse for almost three years. A year ago I weighed 114 and became very ill and had two major surgeries. After the illness I weighed 102 and was weak and frail. My husband was very loving and attentive and interested in sex when I was 102. I have gained back up to 115 and my husband told me in the middle of being intimate that the reason he could not maintain an erection was because of all the weight I have gained. I am devastated beyond words. I feel like I should try to get back down to 102 so that I will be worthy of his attention.

[blueeyesindallas]

Thank you to everyone for the overwhelming support. I just finished my profile and uploaded a few recent pictures. Everyone on here is amazing! Thank you!!!

[Standinginline]

I'm about 8 and a half and feel underweight (I'm 5.5") What a dick. But sorry he sounds a bit weird :/

[bragmatic]

Well, you look about my size. I'm about 120lb. But again, we both know it isn't about the weight, right?

You can't tell me he is lovely to you always, except for this one issue, surely?

[NettleTea]

you are slim and beautiful.
Upload a few pics of your OH and Im sure we will be able to point out where he isnt perfect!

[QuietTiger]

I've just seen your pictures, Blueeyesindallas and quite frankly, you are one stunning lady! Your "D"H is a complete asshole of the highest order. The best weight loss you could ever have is 150 lbs to get rid of such a cock lodging horses foof.

[bragmatic]

And looks really aren't the be all and end all. But seriously, 47!!?? You look great.

[IrishBloodEnglishHeart]

Holy shit. I just looked at your profile pictures. You have no need to lose weight. You look great. Your husband is the one with the problem not you. If you think he is worth investing in for the future then maybe explore through counseling or couples therapy what his real issues are. To me though any man who blames a woman's weight or physical appearance for his lack of interest in sex needs drop kicking into the middle of next week. I am guessing he's not exactly male model material himself. How dare he.

[ShouldBeDoingSomethingProducti]

Did part of your vows include to 'love and to cherish'? (or similar??) I'm sure they will have... he's not exactly holding up his end of the deal is he?

Maybe he liked feeling like The Big Strong Man when you were frail - that's pretty sick.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you, don't waste it with this twat.

[Lilliana]

My first ever LTB. I thought I would never say that but there is no excuse for this even if you were obese (which you are very clearly not)

No one should be treated like this and it is more than enough reason to renounce your vows - is he loving you? Honouring you?

What does he add to your life? Unless there are some major positives you haven't mentioned I would leave.

[Isetan]

Tut, men and their fucking penises. Unfortunately, many of them use their erections as a measure of their masculinity and when they don't perform, blaming the nearest vagina is often the go to reason. Obviously he is being a dick about your weight, what he said is a hurtful, defensive and a convenient excuse said in order to cover up his embarrassment.

There must be more behind the current state of your relationship. What was your sex life like before your illness and your recent minimal changes in weight? Is he normally defensive and emotionally juvenile and why did you suspect an affair?

If this pathetic outburst is a recent development then more probing is needed, if not, it maybe time to reevaluate your relationship.

[KissesBreakingWave]

Just seen the pictures. And, well, oh my word. Your husband is a fool who needs to get his cardiovascular issues sorted out.

[pointythings]

You look fabulous. Your H is an utter twat and a sick one at that. He's the one who has problems - it is up to you to decide whether you want to stand by him and help him get support to deal with them or whether you believe that he is not capable of changing. None of us can make that call but if I were you he would find his bags packed on the doorstep tonight.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Your BMI is about 17, that's not fat!

Another point to people's lists of reasons why you should leave, that's lust not love.

[Songbird]

Just adding my voice to the general consensus - ditch him!

[wishinwaitinhopin]

I didn't understand the pounds you put. I only know stone. But I'll tell you this - God knows how much I weigh but I'm a size 16 and my partner never loses his erection!! I assume cause he's not a complete tosser with very very very very odd issues!!!

If my partner said that to me at THIS size i'd leave him straight away. And I accept I'm not the smallest person in the world. You on the other hand are tiny!!! So do not accept this insecurity on HIS part!

You deserve to be with a man who makes you feel beautiful, sexy and worth the world.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Blueeyesindallas you're a NURSE, so you know that you're not even approaching well-covered, never mind actually overweight.

He's blaming you for his own inadequacies and being very cruel about it, too. He's either playing away from home or semi-impotent for reasons which have nothing whatsoever to do with you or your relationship.

I'd throw him out and I'd be doing it right now.

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

I hate to point this out, but perhaps he said something like that to either

(a) lash out because he is having erectile problems or
(b) (and most likely in my opinion) he is having an affair and chose to deflect the issue by making an issue out of your weight.

Either way, any man who outright says you are too fat for him to love and have sex with is not a man you should stay with.

At the best it is vile, at the worst it is bullying and emotional abuse. Please leave him.

[RedRoom]

God, I am utterly horrified. You are 5'4 and a tiny 115 pounds and he says that is too fat for him to maintain an erection? You are dainty and petite: there is something wrong with him. I don't say that lightly. To find a US size 6 woman too fat to be attractive is extraordinary, it really is.

[RedRoom]

I've just seen your pictures. Most men would give their right arm to have a wife as attractive as you. I find his behaviour baffling. It is odd that he found you more attractive when you were ill and weak. Your weight is not the problem here, is is 100% him! please believe us all when we tell you this!

[BeCool]

Your P is a nasty dickhead.

[BeCool]

His behaviour towards you is dreadful and no doubt designed to keep you "in your place".

Dear OP - HE is not worthy of YOU!!

[Melonbreath]

I think you do need to lose weight actually.

I think you should lose the weight of your husband.

[GooseyLoosey]

He is cleary too stupid to have sex with.

[YoniMatopoeia]

You look stunning in those photo's