Partner says I am too fat to have sex with

[blueeyesindallas]

I am 47 years old with one child. I have been married to my spouse for almost three years. A year ago I weighed 114 and became very ill and had two major surgeries. After the illness I weighed 102 and was weak and frail. My husband was very loving and attentive and interested in sex when I was 102. I have gained back up to 115 and my husband told me in the middle of being intimate that the reason he could not maintain an erection was because of all the weight I have gained. I am devastated beyond words. I feel like I should try to get back down to 102 so that I will be worthy of his attention.

[CuntyBunty]

Tell him to fuck off and have a wank with his limp cock, the cheeky bastard.

[AgentSchraeder]

HE was offended?! Diddums. Has he explained why your I'll health turns him on so much?

[ThePinkOcelot]

Blue eyes you are lovely. He is blaming his limp dick on you. Tell him to fuck off!

[kentishgirl]

He has a fetish?

There are men who are turned on by extremely overweight women and want to 'feed' their partners and get annoyed if they lose weight. There are men who fetishise very thin women (as you were when you were ill) and encourage anorexia and get annoyed if their partners put on weight.

I think any decent man with these fetishes would keep them to themselves and learn to live with sex with a normal size body. They can't help being turned on by what they are turned on by.

But they shouldn't expect it from their partners. Purely because unlike most fetishes, these ones cause actual harm to their partners. It effects your physical and mental health if you give in to it. It's absolutely an unreasonable request to expect you to harm yourself, starve yourself, and have a dangerously low weight that is going to damage your internal organs, make you weak, and lower your life expectancy, just to turn him on. If he is asking for that, then he is an awful person. And the vows you made together mean nothing to him.

[MojoRising]

So when is the lynching?

Have any of you ever; in the throws of passion, opened your eyes and spotted your SO's dribbling/over hanging belly/excessive sweating/distant look or ham fisted techniques and found yourself loosing the thread and not being able to finish the job?
I have been unable to complete the task at hand because of an ice cold draft on my back! these things happen.

Your partner clearly felt the frustration and raised the subject up in a really bad way. lashing out is common when people feel threatened. especially men. its no different than the lashing out on this thread by women who feel equally threatened when putting them selves in your shoes.

Has it happened more than once? does he make other comments about it? does he know you are sensitive about your weight?

He may be distracted by changes in your body, but before you go accusing him of affairs try asking him what sits underneath the distraction and make it clear to him you love you as you are now - a healthy confident you is a sexy you

[fidelineish]

He is a threat to your health. It is that simple.

And whoever said he is the vow-breaker is quite right.

[fidelineish]

Mojo WTF? Have you seen the weights the OP is discussing? There is no weight issue there whatsoever. The OP is tiny

[HavannaSlife]

mojo rtft

[ThisIsLID]

Mojo have you actually read the thread??? The OP is on the limit of being underweight, not overweight....

And lashing out isn't allow because you are a man and you feel 'threatened' (by what I am not sure though).

[RedRoom]

Mojo, what on earth are you on a about. Even if she was the weight of a heffalump, that doesn't excuse a man 'lashing out' in the middle of sex. And 'frustrated' by what- that she is eating enough food to be alive? FFS.

[MojoRising]

It's not a weight issue - that is why I wrote "changes in her body"

Weight clearly isn't the issue for the OP. it's an issue for her partner, I also never said lashing out is allowed, just stated the obvious - it's common for men to struggle voicing their emotions.

Yes I read the thread, give it a 4 out of 10. the one I was after was books but still drawing a blank there

[gamerchick]

mojo I feel really sorry for the people who you take to bed. Christ.

[Bifauxnen]

I think the issue is his limp cock and his attempt to deflect attention by blaming it on OP. It may be common but it's unacceptable.
I agree with everyone else, the OP is stunning which makes his assertions all the more obviously ridiculous.

[Atbeckandcall]

It would be a struggle for a DECENT man to explain or show his emotions to his partner that she turned him off, because he wouldn't want to upset her. Whether or not she did actually have any weight issues/disfigurement etc.

I'm not sure I've explained myself well but I hope YSWIM.

[Hullygully]

oh ffs

just tell him to fuck off

[NorthEasterlyGale]

Erm, well, your DH has effectively said the only bit of his vows that he's interested in is the 'in sickness' bit and not the 'in health'. Essentially, he would like you to be ill, for his sexual pleasure. That's not normal.

Seriously, you look fab, your husband is a twat, and I would urge you to realise that you can do so much better than such a dickish individual.

[kentishgirl]

'Have any of you ever; in the throws of passion, opened your eyes and spotted your SO's dribbling/over hanging belly/excessive sweating/distant look or ham fisted techniques and found yourself loosing the thread and not being able to finish the job?I have been unable to complete the task at hand because of an ice cold draft on my back! these things happen."

No Mojo, I haven't. And I've had partners who were overweight (in one case, very), and a partner who was skinny and weedy and spotty. One who drooled a lot during sex. And none of that put me off because I plain old fancied them and we all have our imperfections and our awkward moments when things happen that are less than attractive. It doesn't matter in grown up sex.

A cold draft can put you off? Blimey.

[MojoRising]

redroom - please read the OP, there is no mention of lashing out or in the middle of sex, it failed and the reason he gave was her weight.

Lashing out is a common way people deal with frustration/pressure/anxiety, removes the blame from them.

For all you know this guy could have some deep seated issues that he can't talk about and he is hanging it all up on something as stupid as a change in his partners body.

His behaviour is terrible, but this is her partner, she chose to make a life commitment and to have his child. i'd wage he is not all bad and right now needs some proper help. telling her to dump him based on a 7 line summary of a recent flash point?

[kentishgirl]

OP - it seems a sad thing to face but it seems your husband may have married for all sorts of lovely reasons at the time, but at the time he didn't really fancy you physically all that much.

After your illness turned you into his physical type he was really turned on by you for the first time, and having had that, is now missing it.

I think physical attraction and compatibility is essential in a marriage and you shouldn't marry someone you don't fancy. Or feel obliged to someone who married you knowing that they weren't right for you.

[ouryve]

OP is tiny and has posted pictures to prove that, Mojo - there aint any rolls of flab there to be put off by.

DH has long hair, which can be distracting, if it falls in my face, but only momentarily.

I'm about the same height as the OP and was 102lb once and very skinny. I was also about 15. Even 15 years ago, I'd probably have made myself very ill trying to get down to that sort of weight.

[MojoRising]

Kentishgirl

Coming from Kent You have no idea how cold Dorset air can be

but you got it - Imperfections don't matter when you fancy the person, And there is something going on in this poor kids head that distracts him from loving the person he is with. it must be a horrible place to be when you haven't for the - as you say - grown up tools to deal with it

[ThisIsLID]

Well mojo you were the one to say that it's normal for people, especially men, to lash out because they can't explain their emotions well.
Not the OP so maybe red was actually answering you??

If you could also avoid to answer the Op talking about 'lashing out' and 'wobbly bits' if you actually don't want to talk about someone overweight and someone lashing out in ager....

[ThisIsLID]

Yep a horrible place for a person who is saying horrible things to the very person he is suppose to love.

That's why I suggested that the OP send him to see a counsellor/psychologist as he clearly need support.

[missinglalaland]

You look stunning in your pictures. I think your husband has personal problems.

What a shame for you to look so gorgeous, and for it to go completely unappreciated by the man in your life .