Anyone have or want a old fashioned relationship ? Do men just want to take the lead ,?

[Blossum123]

I'm new so if in the wrong place sorry .
Iv been married 10 years - 2 children . I have worked a lot of hours while bringing the kids up - iv now changed jobs and we have a more traditional role where he is the main wage provider and I'm at home and support him . Our relationship is so much better . I can really see the benifits of a more traditional relationship - anyone found the same ?i love being his wife and taking care of him and in return he does the same x

I think being involved in the decisions and your own autonomy is important in a relationship.
I had missed where the OP said this. I get the impression all their family are happy with their arrangement.

All a bit txt spk for me. Very hard to follow.

Offred I don't want to be rude towards you but I am not willing to change My lifestyle on anything that's said on here .

I'm sorry if u can't follow my thread - I find it a lot quicker that's all - wanna be teenager maybe !

Twinklestine - I'm unsure why the text speech is such a issue for many on here -.?
I'm not the best at spelling is that a issue on mumsnet ?

Add message | Report | Message poster morethanpotatoprints Fri 25-Apr-14 22:27:58
I think being involved in the decisions and your own autonomy is important in a relationship.
I had missed where the OP said this. I get the impression all their family are happy with their arrangement.

We are - I'm a bit lost tbh ( slapped wrist more text speak ) it's gone from people demanding I change my relationship to being declared normal but deviant - and now my spelling has become a issue .

But as for our set up we are happy .i am retraining in the new academic year so it's all quite exciting

Perfect spelling and grammar isn't expected, but text speak is heavily frowned on, on Mumsnet.

Plain English is preferred.

So apart from
Relationships
Text spk
Spelling
Are there any other subjects that offend ?

I'm not demanding you change your relationship just give it a little more thought because it appears from your lack of answers that you haven't really thought about it adequately. Now I recognise you may just not be wanting to answer in which case it is fine but I do want you to know that you can do all the looking after, have the traditional division of labour and still be an equal partner in making the decisions.

And it's not that it offends, it's that it concerns.

Why is it frowned on?
I appreciate heavy text talk is hard to understand - but I don't see why it's frowned on - it's not like your applying for a position

It's just difficult to read. I find it difficult to understand if I'm honest but I generally cringe a bit when posters are criticised for spelling and grammar because I think as long as you can understand it it is not that important.

Offered thankyou but please do not be concerned .
My views are quite different to yours however I can see you have taken some time responding and don't want to appear rude .
I possibly have rushed responses as there were so many and also they weren't my reason for posting .
I hadn't anticipated mumsnet having such a strong feminist following- as someone stated that was possibly my naïvety as a new poster .
However while I'm a little bored of the same old on here I don't intend to disappear so I'm sure I will see many of you about .
Good night x

Because it's hard to understand......?

This is your only means of communicating with us, so why make it hard to understand?

We're not teenagers.

Oh dear ! I will try not to

Maybe we need to embrace the inner youth ?! I don't find it hard to understand but appreciate others may do .
Your keeping me up it's past my bed time .

I assume from her way of posting that the OP was never a Chartered Accountant - OP, do correct me if I am wrong. It would not make economic sense for a CA to give up work for a man who needs to work 60 hour shifts with pack ups to afford his beer.

As I have always said, we are all different. OP's life/relationship sounds like my definition of hell/everything I never wanted in life. But it works for her. She would hate my life - I love it. Vive la difference!

Ah I see how addictive these forums are now !

Really must go to bed
Ithaka u have miss read . There is a big difference between chartered accountant and a accountant .
However how u would tell by reading a post I can not see .

My reason for giving up my previous profession had nothing to do with financial reasons . I decided to leave due to
Health reasons . Unfortunately life sometimes demands sudden changes
We have no way near as much money as we previously had - but I'm happier and healthy

I know that there is a big difference between a Chartered Accountant and an 'accountant' - that was actually my point. And it was easy to spot you weren't a CA from your posts - please don't make me spell it out, I have been defending your right to your lifestyle (despite it seeming utterly sad and bizarre to me).

At no point have I said I was a chartered accountant . I find u extremely odd to be getting hung up on a thread that was about something that really wouldn't appeal to you .
Why would u care what sort of accountancy I had previously done ?
I no longer work in that field .
U seem very negative and hostile

OH is the main wage earner in our relationship. I work part-time self employed, mainly from home and he earns a lot more than I do as he works full time. He is loving, supportive, pulls his weight around the house (none of this 'Im out at work all day where's my dinner & putting his feet up!) and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He covers most of the bills, I cover 2 of them. We don't have a joint account, tho - but I have a card for his account and if I need money I take it, I just do him the courtesy of letting him know what its for, although he doesn't fuss about that. We still have the occasional night out and have fun together. Added to that he is lovely to my DDs. I don't mind having a meal ready for him, running his bath etc when I have a mind..I like to pamper him. It doesn't bother me. There are no power struggles whatsoever; I don't fuss about ironing his shirts or trousers its not even a discussion, I iron his stuff when I iron mine and thats it. I don't feel I there's a need to prove a point about anything. Im happy. Actually I think everybody knows what suits them best and its fine as long as you're happy.

You sound as if you're happy being in more 'relaxed' mode OP. Thats fine, if it suits you/your relationship. Its how I feel, anyway. I did all the rushing around working hard years ago...the 'superwoman' days I call them. Im not at all interested in doing all that now

if i was working as a chartered accountant, i'd swap it for being the concubine of nigel bloody farage

I choose to follow his lead 99% of the time / but like I said previously if I felt it was wrong I wouldn't stand for it - so if he said I don't want u to retrain or something to do that had serious consequences for the children . I wouldn't blindly follow dangerous suggestions, I'm allowing him to lead I'm not brain washed

I don't see anything to be concerned about, then.

The OP and her DH are choosing, as two autonomous adults, to embrace a power dynamic that gives him more power than her. If she finds that she's not happy with it, or if her DH uses his decision-making power to make decisions that make her unhappy or uncomfortable, she can unchoose it (so to speak). She does have that ability.

The only vulnerability she really has is, she's not earning her own money. That could make it harder to unchoose this structure if she wanted to.

But plenty of women are not earning, or are not earning as much as their DHs, and technically, even if they are in very equal marriages, i.e. they and their DHs have agreed to go 50-50 on the decision making, they still have the exact same vulnerability that the OP has. If a woman in an equal marriage doesn't earn half or more of the money, she technically doesn't have as much power as her husband.

If a lower-earning/not-earning woman in an equal marriage suddenly sees her higher-earning DH turn into a controlling twat, she'd have the option to stand up to him, to leave, to go out and get a job.

The OP has that same option. So I just don't see that she's more at risk than any other woman who earns less than her husband.

Blossum I wouldn't worry about what your friends ask. I really don't see a problem here. This is what you chose, it works for you, and you say that if it didn't work, you would not accept it. I think it is fine for you to just smile and say "works for us"

Fair lay to the op. I wish I had a rich man to provide in many ways. I have to work personally for mental stimulation.