Please Read (Social Services)

[Rivah]

Hello

(Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong category and sorry for the bad grammar, I am using my phone)

Feeling quiet alone right now and would appreciate some kind advice please.

I am a mother of 2 boys age 5&6 there father was recently remanded in custody,

I got a phone call from his aunt yesterday she told me that he wants the boys to go and stay with her until he gets out, because he “doesn’t trust me with them” he is only doing this out of spite because I stopped him from seeing the boys. (Due to him leaving them at places, and taking them to places where children shouldn’t be going to, and exposing other women to them)

I have told his aunt that I will not give them to her and that they are staying with me, now she has threatened to call social services.

I was admitted into hospital last year where I spent 6 weeks due to having an emotional breakdown during early stages of my breakdown I had the home treatment team come and visit me daily. There was a day (when it was decided I should go into hospital for a break) I was really low, my symptoms were (low mood, continuously crying, not eating) I wasn’t doing this in front of the boys. They said that they were concerned about the welfare of the boys and got in contact with social services who came and paid a visit, they had no concern about my living conditions, but they were concern about the boys staying with me whilst I was feeling the way I was.

So I called for their father’s aunt to come and get them (We were close at the time) she helped me a lot with my recovery which I am very grateful for.

Since my Boys father has been in custody my eldest is like another child (both of them are usually so well behaved) he has started being very aggressive, hitting me and his little brother, swearing, not listening etc.

Today I took the two of them out with a friend of mine I didn’t want to due to the way he has been behaving but it wouldn’t be fair on my 5 year old, he played up all day we all just choose to ignore him, until punched his little brother in the face in a shop knocking him to the floor, I couldn’t ignore that, I was so angry I slapped him I didn’t mean to slap him as hard as I did.

I am really worried now in case EX’s aunt calls social services and my son tells them that I hit him, me and her are not on good terms anymore and she can be very devious.

So could I please have some help with how to deal with my Sons behaviour he hasn’t stopped since we got in this evening, and he is just getting worst by the day.(Worried that I might have another break down) And please some help in how to deal with Social Services if they pay me a visit.
Thanks for reading

If your son has been excluded from school, then I am really sorry but there is something wrong.

And your reaction to a poster who was offering nothing but genuine help and support is also wrong and quite worrying.

I hope you are ok but I think you need some real life help.

Rivah, why was your son excluded? Everyone will just speculate. You clearly don't like the speculation.

Op, are you still in touch with the mental health team from when you had your breakdown?
They'd be able to help with you and your dc.

GayByrne do you or any of your family members take glue? If they don't why would you even say something like that? I've never touched drugs in my life I don't drink or smoke I never have.

Ehric Even though their dad is in prison he is still providing for them and making sure their school fees are paid so nothing has changed in that sense.

Excluded because he injured a boy who had to go hospital, I'm waiting for a decision to see if they will allow him back in.

He's. In. Prison.
That's different to most children.
Most children's fathers are not in prison.
Can't you see that?

Rivah, was he violent to the injured boy? Initially in this thread you said he'd been violent to other children at the park and to you. And that he bullied his brother.

Also, you mentioned your partner was controlling, even when he was in prison and not 'with' you. Ds has witnessed this. You were forced not to have friendships and even accompanied to go shopping. He's witnessed dv on a pretty huge scale.

You partner is on remand for murder, that's pretty serious.

Your ds is now excluded for injuring another child? You need to take steps to find support. Ds really really does need help. The magic answer won't be on this thread, but there is lots of support.

He isn't "just missing his dad". He is lashing out because he's a frightened little boy who has been exposed to serious domestic abuse in his household, and his dad is now in prison for something extremely serious and it may be years before he sees him again. He's not allowed to see his loved aunt and doesn't understand why, and he simply can't cope with all the trauma.

He needs support and help, more than you can do alone, and denying his problems will just make them worse.

I would add that it is probably more than anyone can do alone - yours are extreme circumstances.

It's not weakness or in anyway unreasonable for you or your dc to be finding this hard. You have said you are cutting yourself and feel afraid to tell social services how you are feeling. I am concerned with the effect this is having on you, as much as the effect on your children. All I am trying to do is help you find someone in real life that you can talk to - there is lots of support out there, but it is sometimes hard to find the right help that works for you.

I will back off Rivah, because I don't want to cause you anymore hurt or upset then you are already dealing with, and I'm clearly touching a nerve with the questions I am asking. But please listen to others on this thread - you are doing the right thing in starting this thread and asking for help, please let others help you and follow their suggestions.

Also to imip - she sounds like she can understand very well what your sons are going through and agree that support for you and them should be more proactive, rather than leaving you to cope alone.

But perhaps we're all missing something. Do you have an idea of the sort of help or support you feel would be helpful, for you or your DC?

School aren't allowing DS1 to go back, now I am going to have to take DS2 out from the school and find another.

o bloody hell, thats a tough one. I do think you need to access what ever help you can get in real life and do it now. You have such a lot on your plate.

You have multiple issues going on here. Your boys dad is in prison, you were subjected to emotional abuse from him, you have mental health issues and your DS1 has pretty serious behavioural issues. And you've been dealing with the above alone.

That's the bad news.

The good news is that there are all sorts of agencies equipped to help. Social services, your gp and the school for starters. It won't be easy - it may well seem like 1 step forward, 2 steps back for a while but you can change things if you access and accept the support out there.

Rivah, I think the school might even refer you to social services. They'd have to, surely?

Please go to the gp, it's been mentioned for the past 15 pages of this thread. You need support, as do your dcs. Please do it for your sons. If they are not taking him back, the situation is very serious indeed...

Ok