Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please Read (Social Services)

364 replies

Rivah · 16/04/2014 20:25

Hello

(Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong category and sorry for the bad grammar, I am using my phone)

Feeling quiet alone right now and would appreciate some kind advice please.

I am a mother of 2 boys age 5&6 there father was recently remanded in custody,

I got a phone call from his aunt yesterday she told me that he wants the boys to go and stay with her until he gets out, because he “doesn’t trust me with them” he is only doing this out of spite because I stopped him from seeing the boys. (Due to him leaving them at places, and taking them to places where children shouldn’t be going to, and exposing other women to them)

I have told his aunt that I will not give them to her and that they are staying with me, now she has threatened to call social services.

I was admitted into hospital last year where I spent 6 weeks due to having an emotional breakdown during early stages of my breakdown I had the home treatment team come and visit me daily. There was a day (when it was decided I should go into hospital for a break) I was really low, my symptoms were (low mood, continuously crying, not eating) I wasn’t doing this in front of the boys. They said that they were concerned about the welfare of the boys and got in contact with social services who came and paid a visit, they had no concern about my living conditions, but they were concern about the boys staying with me whilst I was feeling the way I was.

So I called for their father’s aunt to come and get them (We were close at the time) she helped me a lot with my recovery which I am very grateful for.

Since my Boys father has been in custody my eldest is like another child (both of them are usually so well behaved) he has started being very aggressive, hitting me and his little brother, swearing, not listening etc.

Today I took the two of them out with a friend of mine I didn’t want to due to the way he has been behaving but it wouldn’t be fair on my 5 year old, he played up all day we all just choose to ignore him, until punched his little brother in the face in a shop knocking him to the floor, I couldn’t ignore that, I was so angry I slapped him I didn’t mean to slap him as hard as I did.

I am really worried now in case EX’s aunt calls social services and my son tells them that I hit him, me and her are not on good terms anymore and she can be very devious.

So could I please have some help with how to deal with my Sons behaviour he hasn’t stopped since we got in this evening, and he is just getting worst by the day.(Worried that I might have another break down) And please some help in how to deal with Social Services if they pay me a visit.
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Original poster
Rivah · 19/04/2014 17:16

I have been in contact with social services I spoke to a family support worker, I am waiting for someone to call me back. Auntie also turned up I called the police straight away, but by the time they got here she had already left, I think she got the message when DS1 said through the door 'We want to stay here with mummy". I gave the police her name and address so hopefully there will be no more visits from her. DS1 keeps on getting very teary and DS2 is crying with him and neither of them will eat :(

OP posts:
GiddyUpCowboy · 19/04/2014 17:21

I am sorry the Aunt came again, was she alone this time? What did she say? I am glad the police are supporting you.

I am delighted for you that you spoke to the Family support worker. I am also glad your DS said to his Aunt himself he wants to stay with you. That must have made you feel good to hear that. I wouldn't worry about the eating, they will eventually, just keep the fluids up. How sad they are crying, it must be so difficult for you all right now.

I hope you can all get a bit of support now and this Aunt can stop her nonsense, when she realises it is not socially or legally on to behave like that in this country.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/04/2014 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Rivah · 19/04/2014 17:40

GiddyUp no she come with another lady, saying she has come for the boys. Thanks Giddy I appreciate your kind words.

Ehric It look me courage to call social services and to be told that it's unusual for support workers to work on a Saturday? You see what I am going through and how weak I am, and you are doubting me. I did speak to them if I could prove it to you I would?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 19/04/2014 18:00

I can see how it would be difficult to avoid, but your disagreements with the auntie are adult discussions and the children shouldn't be aware of them. If possible, could you distract them with a treat (quick DVD on or chocolate mousse)? I guess from now on, actually, it won't be an issue because she shouldn't be calling.

When did they say you would get the call back?

Joules68 · 19/04/2014 18:12

How has ds1 been this afternoon op?

Have you got plans for tomorrow?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/04/2014 18:35

Yes!!! Well done. That must have taken courage and a level head. I know you didn't like it when I said before that you should feel proud of yourself, but I'm going to say it again.

Please try and take a second just to pay yourself on the back, have a tiny glimmer of pride, because you're doing the right things to keep your family together and get through this horrible horrible time.

I also think it's unusual to get through to a family support worker too - but not because I doubt you, just because it's lucky they had someone on duty that just happened to be the right person for you. I wonder if the duty social worker happened to work in that team, or if they didn't work in that team but are very connected to that team.
Either way, that's a good thing. Not a suspicious thing. Don't worry Flowers

Sounds awful that your children are crying when that awful woman came round to bully you again... Well done for standing strong and calling the police again.

At least the boys want to stay with you now. That's a positive sign, that you could draw strength from? A few days ago they were crying to go with 'fun auntie' and I would have expected that to continue - lets face it kids are fickle and don't understand the grown up implications of it all. But they want to stay with you - because you are their mummy, their anchor and rock in a really upsetting world at the moment.

Take heart, you're doing something right x

LEMmingaround · 19/04/2014 18:40

You are doing brilliantly - you have done the right thing calling social services, they will see that as you trying to do the best thing for your children. It may well be that it will be a duty SW that you see over the weekend, it doesn't really matter who you see as long as you see someone. It will start the ball rolling for getting you the support that you need.

That was absolutey brilliant how you coped with your DS behaviour in the park, totally the right thing to do. Its lovely that he wanted to write you sorry letters - he sounds like a good kid at heart. We all get cross with our kids so don't feel angry with yourself if he does try your patience, alone time is a good way for him to calm down (while you are calming down too!) then you can talk to him about his behaviour - all very easy to write but hard to do, even without the extreme circumstances you are coping with - you sound like a fantastic mum, keep it up Flowers

HappySunflower · 19/04/2014 19:06

The calls are answered by family support workers at our local duty team. Very occasionally you will get a social worker, but they are usually dealing with emergency safeguarding issues at the weekend.

HappySunflower · 19/04/2014 19:07

And yes, I agree with the others, you are doing well.
Picking up the phone to make that call took a lot of strength-but it was the best possible thing that you could have done, well done.

BuzzardBird · 19/04/2014 19:26

Well done OP, everything will be ok, I promise. Thanks

Original poster
Rivah · 19/04/2014 19:29

DS2 just keeps on crying but won't tell me what is wrong, he is sitting on the sofa crying as he watches Britains got talent. He doesn't want me near him he wants to be alone, this is breaking my heart.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 19/04/2014 19:33

He has to get his emotions out too Rivah. Tell him to let you know when he wants a cuddle.

Original poster
Rivah · 19/04/2014 19:38

DS1** oops sorry touch screen

OP posts:
Vivacia · 19/04/2014 19:43

Is it nearly bedtime? Perhaps after a bath and tucked up in bed he'll be able to tell you?

Is there a toy or blanket he can cuddle for some comfort?

BertieBotts · 19/04/2014 19:53

Oh must be tough to see him like that :( Maybe just say "Okay, I'm here when you want me, just say, OK?"

How's his writing? Maybe he could write or draw a picture of how he's feeling or what he's sad about. He doesn't have to show it to you but it might help to do it.

BuzzardBird · 19/04/2014 19:56

Rivah, he is only 6, my advice above stands. Bertie he can write as Rivah has already mentioned he was writing letters of apology.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2014 20:04

True, but my DS can write letters of apology (Usually "Sorry Daddy/Mummy/friend" but he can't write great long tomes of how he's feeling, he's 5.5.

Original poster
Rivah · 19/04/2014 20:10

Vivacia. He has fallen asleep on the sofa, I'll leave him another hour then I'll wake him up to give him his bath. He isn't really interested in toys he prefers games consoles, maybe tomorrow I will get him a toy for comfort?

BertieBotts He loves writing should I will encourage him to write down his feelings.

OP posts:
FlankShaftMcWap · 19/04/2014 20:17

Rivah you have made such progress today! You handled DS1 really well, you have accessed support and you have hopefully seen off that awful woman. I hope you can see how well you've done in just a day!

Keep it up, slowly slowly with DS. He's showing how he's really feeling now which is good. Let him know you are ready to listen when he is ready to talk. He needs to be reassured that no matter what he says nothing will change how much you love him. Hopefully he will open up soon.

BuzzardBird · 19/04/2014 20:21

Rivah, yes, encourage him to write it down if he can. Don't forget to tell him to let you know when he wants a cuddle (that bit is important)

PlantsAndFlowers · 19/04/2014 20:36

So pleased to hear you've called social services, good luck Flowers.

Vivacia · 19/04/2014 20:42

When are you expecting the call back from Social Services?

What games does he play? Sometimes you can get cuddly toys of the characters.

GiddyUpCowboy · 19/04/2014 20:45

When we were going through hell, the private education psychologist did some work with us, that may help you all.

We had to sit together and draw a happy face, a sad face, an angry face and so on, powerful stuff.

One thing that may help you and your ds1 is the blanket thing, if you don't have anyone to cuddle you or you don't want to cuddle someone, get a blanket and wrap it around you, pull it tight and it feels very comforting.

Have the police got back to you, to tell you how it went with the Aunt?

Coconutty · 19/04/2014 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.