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Original poster

Please Read (Social Services)

364 replies

Rivah · 16/04/2014 20:25

Hello

(Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong category and sorry for the bad grammar, I am using my phone)

Feeling quiet alone right now and would appreciate some kind advice please.

I am a mother of 2 boys age 5&6 there father was recently remanded in custody,

I got a phone call from his aunt yesterday she told me that he wants the boys to go and stay with her until he gets out, because he “doesn’t trust me with them” he is only doing this out of spite because I stopped him from seeing the boys. (Due to him leaving them at places, and taking them to places where children shouldn’t be going to, and exposing other women to them)

I have told his aunt that I will not give them to her and that they are staying with me, now she has threatened to call social services.

I was admitted into hospital last year where I spent 6 weeks due to having an emotional breakdown during early stages of my breakdown I had the home treatment team come and visit me daily. There was a day (when it was decided I should go into hospital for a break) I was really low, my symptoms were (low mood, continuously crying, not eating) I wasn’t doing this in front of the boys. They said that they were concerned about the welfare of the boys and got in contact with social services who came and paid a visit, they had no concern about my living conditions, but they were concern about the boys staying with me whilst I was feeling the way I was.

So I called for their father’s aunt to come and get them (We were close at the time) she helped me a lot with my recovery which I am very grateful for.

Since my Boys father has been in custody my eldest is like another child (both of them are usually so well behaved) he has started being very aggressive, hitting me and his little brother, swearing, not listening etc.

Today I took the two of them out with a friend of mine I didn’t want to due to the way he has been behaving but it wouldn’t be fair on my 5 year old, he played up all day we all just choose to ignore him, until punched his little brother in the face in a shop knocking him to the floor, I couldn’t ignore that, I was so angry I slapped him I didn’t mean to slap him as hard as I did.

I am really worried now in case EX’s aunt calls social services and my son tells them that I hit him, me and her are not on good terms anymore and she can be very devious.

So could I please have some help with how to deal with my Sons behaviour he hasn’t stopped since we got in this evening, and he is just getting worst by the day.(Worried that I might have another break down) And please some help in how to deal with Social Services if they pay me a visit.
Thanks for reading

OP posts:
GiddyUpCowboy · 20/04/2014 13:49

I think seeing the GP and SS is to be the priority, then you can look at a mini break.

Have you some potatoes you boil. you could make an omelette, a bit of egg, potato, onion, peas, bacon or cheese, the smells may help. You can let it cool if they won't eat it and serve it cold later. You could put some boiled potatoes aside and fry up some sliced potatoes quickly when they are ready to eat.

Original poster
Rivah · 20/04/2014 14:22

SpirtedWolf Me and their father didn't live together, but they used to spend lots of time with him

OP posts:
theywillgrowup · 20/04/2014 16:20

what was the outcome with the conversation with ss op?

Spero · 20/04/2014 17:09

I hope things work out ok for you all - please don't worry that a SW can swoop in and take your children, even if you are having a major crisis, as long as you show you are aware of what's going on and you will take advice and support about how to deal with it, you should be fine.

Original poster
Rivah · 20/04/2014 18:46

theywillgrowup I am waiting for them to call me back.

I took the boys for a walk in the park, all went well. When it was time to go back into the house DS1 started to cry and said he was scared, but wouldn't tell me what he was scared of, I did eventually get him to come in the house DS2 has had some fruit to eat but DS1 is refusing all food and drink

Auntie has called saying that she just wants to see the boys and I need to stop acting petty not sure if I police visited her.

OP posts:
HoopyViper · 20/04/2014 19:07

Can you ignore the Aunt's calls, or tell her she won't see them until she has accepted you are the best person to look after them (and that you're getting support) and that even then, it won't be unsupervised, because she has been harassing you?

I really hope you get a good social worker who can help you and the boys work through this.

No idea what to suggest about eating. I remember frozen fruit lollies were a god send to me with a reluctant eater through illness once

If he carries on (esp re:drinking) though, you need to speak to out of hours gp, or take him to A&E if he keeps it up Sad

Vivacia · 20/04/2014 19:13

I wonder if the house has started to become a bit scary for your boys, what with all of the carry on?

HoopyViper · 20/04/2014 19:23

And yes a short break sounds like a great idea - maybe somewhere that involves a lot of walking/physical activity? Can help kick start an appetite, especially if there are hot dog stands etc (am thinking walk to the seafront etc).

HoopyViper · 20/04/2014 19:29

And spotting Spero's name there, has anyone linked to the CPR website?

[www.childprotectionresource.org.uk]

Lots of helpful info there.

HoopyViper · 20/04/2014 19:30
Blush

www.childprotectionresource.org.uk

Original poster
Rivah · 20/04/2014 19:47

Hoopy I have blocked Aunties calls she's not seeing the boys. He usually likes sucking ice cubes I have given him a cup full of them and he hasn't touched them. Viva yes I think the house has become scary, Hoopy I was thinking Disneyland for a few days, the boys are very fussy eaters and don't like eating out, they like "food from home" (their words) I hate their father for putting them through this.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 20/04/2014 20:13

Did social services call back after your first call?

cestlavielife · 20/04/2014 21:34

i think you would be better going to a close friend or your family so you have support.
busy disneyland is not the place really when both boys upset and confused... you want a more low key environment, with support for you.
is there a friend or relative you can go stay with, or go stay near?

is ther a place familiar to you and boys you been before?

theywillgrowup · 20/04/2014 21:39

maybe call ss again and jig them along

by tuesday if you leave it till then your gonna be bottom of the pile,they are going to have so much work to get on top with after the easter break you will be "lost"

im pretty taken aback that they havent got back to you, if you told them about the self harming etc

cestlavielife · 20/04/2014 21:40

also would be better if tuesday you get to see your gp and speak to gp about what is going on and see if you can get urgent referral to camhs/family therapist. you also need to go see school and tell them what has been going on. find out if school head/teachers back in before school reopens.
but do go out to parks etc. any friends you can call?

cestlavielife · 20/04/2014 21:42

if the boys will eat eg cereal with milk for next week that is fine - or beans on toast or yogurts. it doesnt need to be meat and veg...dont get too focused on food. ie not junk as such but milk and cereal / porridge / toast/yogurts = all that is fine

bellediva · 20/04/2014 22:03

I think seeing the GP and speaking to SS should be the priority here OP. You need the boys checked over if they aren't eating and are shaking etc. I imagine they are very stressed and these things can manifest in different ways. Good idea to block the auntie calls.

Once you've got your support organised (for you and thd boys), then yes a few days away would probably be great.Change of scenery can do wonders. However I think Disney may be a bit stressful and if the boys play up, you wont be near the docs etc if you need urgent help. You need a more chilled break I think. Any other options do you think? X

HoopyViper · 20/04/2014 23:38

RiverH I hope things have settled down for you this evening and your DS1 has been able to eat/drink something.

This is a really good reminder of how to spot signs of dehydration, just in case:

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Dehydration/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/04/2014 05:43

Social services won't screen it until Tuesday. I've said this several times. OP will have spoken to duty workers and they only respond to urgent cases. On Tuesday op's referral will get screened by a manager then allocated a priority. Calling again today will make no difference.

HoopyViper · 21/04/2014 09:54

How are things this morning RiverH?

I really think you need medical attention for DS1, if he has not taken any fluids on board. Another suggestion is to try with a cal pol syringe to squirt a small amounts of water in the sides of his mouth.

theywillgrowup · 22/04/2014 18:30

no more updates then

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/04/2014 18:36

Looks like OP got what she needed from this thread

Original poster
Rivah · 06/05/2014 21:40

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. DS1 has gotten worst he was excluded from school today I am really finding it hard to cope. Help please!

OP posts:
imip · 06/05/2014 21:50

I'm sure more cleverer people than I will be along soon, however, have you spoken to gp? Social services? Is the auntie around anymore... I hope you have sought support, you def. do need it....

Original poster
Rivah · 06/05/2014 22:28

Auntie hasn't been round, social services are offering support but I don't want to tell them how I'm feeling I cut today...,,,

OP posts: