how many people here dont have an orgasm through penatration?

[Londonlost]

Just that really. Wondering if it is common not to? Thanks

I've been sexually active for over 20 years and not once have I ever come close to having an orgasm through PIV. With oral sex I'm guaranteed to orgasm every time and through manual clitoral stimulation I usually get there in the end too. I find sex with my partner totally satisfying and accept I'm just not wired up to have sex through penetration - it doesn't bother him, so there's no reason why it should bother me either.

• I meant to orgasm through penetration.

Jings, and I married the b*&^%$" who told me all that drivel (25 years this August BTW). That no other women had had a problem with piv orgasm (prev woman tally wasn't that huge: 5 or 6, I think). He even discussed with his then GP (not the same as mine) who offered us psycho-sexual counselling - though to be fair he, the GP, did tell DH many woman didn't orgasm like that. He agreed to the referral, then I refused to go, and had to discuss what I regarded as a non-problem with my male GP. I'd already told DH his previous women must have been faking it. He was appalled as this had never occurred to him. I still laugh at his naivety, which comes up in all areas of life really. I'm glad I didn't LTB as he does have other qualities - ignorance and naivety are rarely crimes, and I'd like to think if I snuffed it or some other crise befell our relationship while he's still sexually active then I may have provided some sort of public service.

Basketz your post resonates with me as I had an ex who insisted that he'd never previously slept with a woman who didn't orgasm through PIV. Statistically, I found that hard to believe (given he'd had around 25 partners). However, what I really took objection to was that he made me feel defective because i couldn't orgasm that way. I explained to him what DID do it for me, which he chose to dismiss as "boring" and "repetitive". I was seriously hung up for a long time after that. i think where your DH and my XDP differ is that yours was willing to take your needs on board, whereas mine couldn't be bothered.

Yes, Gin, I think you are right. I did type another msg saying all that but the router was playing up and I lost it. My DH is very determined and in our years together I have had a few orgasms without 'extra' stimulation. But very few really, and always, I think, with me on top, sort of more control for me that way. As long as he's trimmed his nails he does give good digital and he's very keen on oral. I think too - though I was less sexually experienced than him when we met (my tally was 2!) - I was confident and aware and so was not put off my his 'story'.

I never did, and accepted this as normal until I found my current DP, 2 years in and twice everytime at least.

Was married for 6 years in the same relationship for 10, so by no means a stealth boast at all, genuinely didn't think it would ever happen.

TALKING is so important, tell him what you like and what you don't, once you're comfortable with that you're well away

Gin it sounds to me like he was a very lazy lover who couldn't be arsed.

Darkest he was an extremely lazy lover (and extraordinarily good looking, which is probably why he felt he didn't have to try too hard) I feel sorry for the woman he's with now. I'm 7 years out of that relationship and well shot of him!

Sometimes through penetration but it is all in the angle. And what has gone before and what is being said in my ear simultaneously

To those of you who have never reached an orgasm, and feel a bit overwhelmed by the idea of sex aids, can i suggest the humble shower-head? Honestly - private/no rush/warm/comfortable/adjustable - a really good way to ease yourself into it. Don't give up if you aren't 'feeling it' straight away - it might take a while but definitely worth a shot.

Also worth trying in the week before your period, as most women seem to be extra sensitive around this time.

Everyone should be able to enjoy an orgasm.

my ex who I was with for several years in my early 20s used to insist that every other woman he'd ever been with had been able to, and he tried to make me feel like there was something really wrong with me for not ever coming that way. And apart from that we had a very adventurous sex life, with lots of orgasms on both sides! so it was hardly like he had any reason to think I was holding back from him!

I ended up doing a lot of research on it while we were together and realised its actually less common (the 35% figure looks about right) to be able to come with PIV. So when he was being a dick about it (which was often) and trying to make me feel bad, I always knew it was him that was in the wrong and this helped me stand up for myself. On the one hand I felt secretly smug that so many women he'd been with before must have faked it and tricked him.... on the other hand I understood why they did, given what a big deal he made out of it :( They weren't really fooling him, just trying to get him to stop being so mean.

So I promised myself while with him that I'd never fake it with anyone -- for my sake and theirs. I guess there are a lot of woefully misinformed men out there, judging from this thread! But something I've never been able to answer is why it was such a big deal for him, to see me come that way. I guess its a power thing maybe?

But something I've never been able to answer is why it was such a big deal for him, to see me come that way.

I think it feels pretty good to them, if they're inside at the time it happens. But I suspect there is also a lot of ego involved with some men, and that's the bit they most want massaging.

I think it feels pretty good to them, if they're inside at the time it happens. But I suspect there is also a lot of ego involved with some men, and that's the bit they most want massaging.

But a little manual stimulation during intercourse can achieve that. I almost always orgasm during intercourse, it feels great for both of us, but however wonderful the intercourse feels, it's the clitoral stimulation that gets me there.

I orgasm very easily and quickly during sex. Normally my partner gives me a good deal of stimulation prior to sex but its not nessessery. I do have to be very relaxed with my partner i.e. I had to be in love and feel safe and loved to relax enough.

It wasn't until a few years ago when I worked with a large group of women I realised I was in the minority. Looking into it they say women who orgasm during sex have their clitoris closer to the vaginal opening so it gets more stimulation during sex. Also I suffer from crippling and frequent migraines and again for some reason people with migraine seem to have higher sex drives and orgasm more easily and more intensely. Not sure why either due to increase sensitivity or as a form of self medication maybe. I personally will take any upside to migraines!

I think it must suck not to cum during penetration, however they also say that women who don't cum easily are more picky about who they mate with and that rings true as I was never very picky about looks or status as long as they were a nice guy.

Im not picky about looks OR status and never have been. The alchemy of attraction and sexual chemistry is more complicated than that.

I agree the last guy I was very attracted to on paper would now have sounded hot at all but he was very hot to me indeed.

I was just citing the research I had read about ease of orgasm and mate selection. Basically they say women who orgasm easily due to their own internal workings and plumbing are generally easier to please in a relationship than women who don't orgasm as easily.

This is it here: www.theguardian.com/science/2005/jun/08/genetics.research

I do, really quickly - the downside is that I lose interest straight after though.

No special angle or anything, it just happens. Feels great but then I struggle to stay focused. I find myself trying not to come too quickly.

If you can learn to stay focused then you will be able to cum multiple times during sex which is great depends on how long your partner can last though. For me you can cum in a sort of clitoral focused way and vaginally. One way to experiance this is to masterbate with a vibrator and once you cum from clitoral stimulation, move your focus to inside the vagina and stimulate the top side of the vagina underneath the clitoris you should have a second orgasm which will be intense but different.

Another issue is oral sex, I'm not the biggest fan of it I much prefer him to use his hands on me and in me. I'm too sensitive for much oral and I get too wet which means less friction.

I also might be in the minority that always orgasm through penetration. I'm very small so it might have to do with my anatomy too. As it was mentioned earlier, the clitoris situated closer to ththe vaginal opening Tec.

I've masturbated since the age of twelve so by the time I lost my virginity at 24, yes that late!, I was desperate to feel that with someone. And I also knew very well what turned me on and made me climax.

I never used toys, though. Pillows do the trick for me, weird as that might sound. We have a joke with my partner of him getting jealous of the pillows.

I've come through oral sex and fingers in the past but I find the missionary position much more fulfilling and pleasurable. Being the two together in a big embrace and coming, for me that's beautiful.

Also, I was extremely picky when choosing my mate. I know I can easily come but I wanted that experience to be with someone I fancied a lot and loved and felt secure.

Funny how different we all are...

Exactly what WestEast said right down to the moon being in the house of saturn

I think it must suck not to cum during penetration

You think wrong.
You are judging by what works for you. For me, I can take a lot of penetration and have a lot of control over when I orgasm. It can build into something sensational!

Most wicked, I think your being defensive. Of course I'm talking based on my experiance and like you I have pretty good control over my sexual experiance and if find my sex life pretty sensational myself. The fact you get pleasure too is great it remains unclear to me if you can orgasm during sex or not but if your enjoying yourself then that is the main thing.

However quite a lot of women in this thread say thay don't have that and personally if that were me it would be a loss in my life and in my relationship, kind of sucky. Its my opinion and it doesn't mean they aren't loved or happy or even that they enjoy physical intimacy I never said any of that.

NameMeAName, best of luck! Let me know if it works.

I have never tried a vibrator or similar because I can't see the point. I've tried doing stuff manually and it just doesn't do anything. I may as well rub my big toe. We do have a varied and fulfilling sex life. DH knows what he's doing. He isn't selfish or inattentive but I don't have any feelings of heightened arousal or enjoyment. I don't know what's wrong with me. I like seeing DH happy though and believe it or not, I'm pretty good in bed.

I have put it down to some kind of malfunction for years but more recently I've begun to wonder whether it's psychological. I was brought up by parents who seemed to despise each other. My Dad would try and hug my mother or be affectionate and she'd snap at him about not pawing at her and get your fat fingers off me. Unfortunately, I had a bedroom next to them and know that any attempts at intimacy were rebuffed and I remember at about 10 years old hearing my Dad begging and saying 'it's been 8 years, this isn't normal'. I think I've been raised to thing sex is dirty and shameful and my role model, my mother, has spent her life reacting with anger to the very idea of it.

Would you believe that I write adult interest stuff and am pretty damn good at it? And I read stuff too but always slash. I enjoy it, I find it arousing I suppose but in a cerebral way. The idea of then pursuing DH or trying to translate that arousal into an actual act makes me feel ashamed and then numb. I have the self-awareness to know that it's likely that I view women receiving sexual pleasure as dirty or wrong. Not actively. I know there's nothing wrong with it. But all of my pleasure receptors were switched off a long time ago. I suspect there's no hope for me.

Gosh it's nice using a different name for a while. I'm not a hairy handed troll. I've been here for 10 years, remember JudgeFlounce and mangoes and red rugs and rivers of sweetcorn and cubes of poo and survived Moldies and a billion trolls. I don't usually talk about this.