Last straw - Married Man - TMI

[heartshaped]

I'm so sorry, I am in an affair (myself single). It is loving, I love him and he says the same wholeheartedly (I know the script, i've read up, I can't recognise it at the moment). Only recently have I pushed him to consider leaving his wife, though I previously thought I was okay with things as they were - loving attentive guy, real kindred spirits in every way but I have fallen deep so pushed things. Last night he came over, I thought to stay, we had anal sex (sorry for tmi) which I have never done, and then he left me on my own to go home to his wife. I'm feel so so gutted and used. He's texting all day please can we meet up, why aren't I talking to him but I feel dreadful, drained and dead.

[Hissy]

I'm honestly trying to be sympathetic, but...

You're having an affair with a guy who's married to someone else.

You've read the script and all that, genuinely what did you expect?

He's a cunt. He's a cheat, he betrays those who are unlucky enough to fall for his BS.

I ask again, what did you expect?

Dump this dick, and remind yourself you've done the most decent thing in ages by doing so.

You seriously need to look for your self respect and esteem.

[LavenderGreen14]

Seems he doesn't care for you if he treats you like this, and he can't care and respect his wife either. His top priority in all of this is himself.

Did you know he was married with kids when you got involved?

[Hissy]

He has kids? And you're coming onto Mumsnet, in amidst all the threads where the heart and soul's been ripped out of it by some tosser who can't keep it in his trousers?

Have a word with yourself would you?

if indeed you're even genuine

[heartshaped]

You've got a lovely way with words bad. She is not better than me, nor her I.

[balenciaga]

Oh op how disrespectful of him you must feel like absolute shit

How long have you been seeing him, what did he say re leaving his wife? Most mm are just having their cake and eating it and don't want to / won't leave, you're probably not the first ow

He sounds a total user, I know it's not easy as I speak as someone who was once an ow. however the man in my case left his ex before we had even slept together, and we weren't properly together, we'd only started things a couple of weeks before he left. If you want to chat more you can pm me as, rightly, this board doesn't tend to be too sympathetic to ow

[heartshaped]

Hissy this is Mumsnet, not Fidelitynet. Yes I am ashamed and sorry and my thread title hopefully gives it away.

[RyvitaSesame]

"she's better than you, she has a ring on her finger"

Oh. My. god.

[RyvitaSesame]

ps, and deep down I bet the wife knows her husband is an entitled misogynist user. and the wife settled for that. So maybe neither the wife nor the ow is 'better'. Maybe they both have self-esteem issues. Meanwhile, mr dick gets what suits him.

[talullah57]

Get yourself a tub of sudocreme and I hope you can't sit down for a week.

[justmuddlingalong]

OP, are you ashamed to be mucking about with a man who has a wife and kids, or are you ashamed that you had anal sex with a man who has a wife and kids? Sounds like the latter to me. Classy aintya.

[heartshaped]

Thanks Ryvita x

[BreakingDad77]

Agree with Finola - dont think its a flame worthy though.

This guy is toxic, its difficult but I hope this isn't a pattern where you have come to value a taken person as more than a single person. Someone decent is out there, you just got to keep plugging.

[RyvitaSesame]

It's a truth universally acknowledged on mumsnet, that only married women can feel upset, or feel pain.

[NurseyWursey]

OP I think you really need to have a good think about your situation. Do you really want it to carry on this way? Do you want to carry on feeling used and abused?

Please don't cling on to the hope he will leave her. Find a man who is single and be happy.

[heartshaped]

I am staying for the advice. I am an ow so bring on the anal sex jokes, the thing I put in my post that I feel most hurt and ashamed about - keep them coming, it's lovely to hear.

[Vivacia]

I agree with the poster who said that it sounds as though you gave too much. And at your most vulnerable he treated you like this - carelessly.

[Itsfab]

OP

The wife of the man you had sex with last night could be on here. Could be reading this thread, maybe even posted, without knowing you are discussing her husband. Does that resonate with you? What you are doing is wrong and while it is shit to feel "used and dead" and is much more shit to discover your husband has been fucking someone else.

Walk away. Get some self respect and a single man to sleep with.

[Sundaedelight]

He is treating you as an unpaid prostitute. You fufill his fantasy and he goes home to his lovely wife and children. He's not in love with you. He loves his wife who he goes home and stays with.

Have some respect for yourself and his family. (Not him though).

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

She's better than you , that's why there's a ring on her finger
Shockingly stupid comment.

OP, have you made the mistake of feeling that the more "exciting" "hot" or "edgy" stuff you do with him will draw to you and away from the "boring" wife? It doesn't work like that. I'm not judging - I've been in your position. I hope you find it in you to end it.

[Madamecastafiore]

Ooooohhhh sounds like a proper catch.

I've more self respect than to have this cracker of a bloke all to myself let alone share him!!

[LemonDough]

plugging

snigger

Sorry

[Rebecca2014]

Wow what a lovely woman you sound, trying to get an married man to leave his wife and two children. Children who would be devastated to see their father go but as long as you get what you want, who cares eh?

Also what so great about this guy? he is a cheater yet you think his an great catch. If you did manage to get him to leave his family you think he wouldn't do the same too you? What makes you so special?

He has his wife who he properly still loves and his kids and you are his bit on the side.