Last straw - Married Man - TMI

[heartshaped]

I'm so sorry, I am in an affair (myself single). It is loving, I love him and he says the same wholeheartedly (I know the script, i've read up, I can't recognise it at the moment). Only recently have I pushed him to consider leaving his wife, though I previously thought I was okay with things as they were - loving attentive guy, real kindred spirits in every way but I have fallen deep so pushed things. Last night he came over, I thought to stay, we had anal sex (sorry for tmi) which I have never done, and then he left me on my own to go home to his wife. I'm feel so so gutted and used. He's texting all day please can we meet up, why aren't I talking to him but I feel dreadful, drained and dead.

[wrapsuperstar]

So heartshaped, you'll be walking away from this mess now, I take it? He has shown you what he is if his willingness to betray his wife and children hasn't already made that abundantly clear so for god's sake, listen. This man does not love or respect you. You are little more than a receptacle to him whatever you might have believed before.

For what it's worth, I feel desperately sad and sorry for you. The pain in your OP was palpable. However, you are the only one who has the power to stop this. Break it off, walk away, examine what has compelled you to pursue a 'relationship' with this unavailable, narcisstic user and maybe heal enough to be deserving of a far happier future.

You don't need to suffer like this, nor do you need to continue causing suffering to his utterly innocent family. I think if you choose to do the right thing you will find oceans of support here.

[heartshaped]

Yes just - he's delighted, thinks i'm brill. Thought that was a genuine question not a chance to goad.

[ElseaStars]

But it still happened OP and it is weird. My MIL is in with a married man who said he would never leave his wife but plays happy families with MILs family and it's fucking weird.

[badbaldingballerina123]

Op , I'm really surprised your family want anything to do with him. This has got bad boundrys written all over it from all sides. Either way it doesn't matter and it counts for nothing. Your not in his life. All those characteristics you don't like , the lying , the entitlement and everything else will still be there , even if he does leave his marriage. Ending his marriage won't result in a personality transplant.

I'm not outdated. I don't need to go back to the 1950s. Marriages break down all the time and people meet others and fall in love with them. I was married , not particularly happily , and I met someone else. I didn't sneak around , I didn't lie to my ex h and I didn't need convincing. I told my ex h and I got divorced.

[justmuddlingalong]

It was a genuine question. I never imagined for a second you were going to say any of your family knew. Your answer shocked me.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

How on earth can you be ok with being the other woman when he goes home to a wife and kids? That's some impressive compartmentalising. Your 'relationship' is hollow, empty and meaningless. The intimacy of the sex you had just put it into start relief how empty it is.

[Alchemist]

You are feeling sorry for yourself.

Can you imagine posting "I'm with a MM and he wants anal sex with me. What should I do? Do it and feel shite because he doesn't stay or stop making myself miserable and feel better?"

This man, who I do understand has connected with you, is a cheat, liar and, imo, not worthy of your time. You are worth so much more.

I do believe this. However, I am out. reading this is too painful on all levels.

[Rebecca2014]

This gets worse...it actually makes me sick reading heartshaped posts. She obviously thinks anyone saying anything negative to her is wrong and her married man loves her but is just stuck with his wife and children.

All I can say is karma a bitch.

If he does leave his family for you, you two will be a match made in heaven.

[heartshaped]

just, I am very close with my brother and nothing he could ever do would make me think any less of him, and i hope vica versa. don't be shocked. people make mistakes that go unjudged by their close family

[NurseyWursey]

OP so basically it would seem this man has two families. I wonder how he decides who he want's to spend the day with. Flips a coin maybe?

OP please listen to those saying leave this man. It's going to make you feel so much worse.

[heartshaped]

He doesn't have two families. Just his own.

[justmuddlingalong]

Maybe that's where you get your skewed sense of morals from then. Good luck. I'm out too.

[heartshaped]

bye

[NurseyWursey]

Why is he meeting yours then?

[Rebecca2014]

heartshaped you getting an ego trip out of being on here?

[heartshaped]

Just on one occasion by chance. Sorry if I made it sound like it is all the time. It's not.

[heartshaped]

No Rebecca - what are you talking about?

[Itsfab]

What are you going to do, OP and what did you want from this thread?

[NurseyWursey]

Have you got a plan of action OP, or are you going to let this carry on?

[NurseyWursey]

x post

[badbaldingballerina123]

Winter I don't know what your on about really. She said herself she feels used. And oopsie , no , I don't think I'm frustrated. I think if you get fucked up the arse off someone else's husband and feel used and upset it's your own fault. I think she's degraded herself. You don't. Ok.

[Finola1step]

So you go out, he's met your family (but only your brother knows he's married). So yes, I can understand why you see this as more than just a sexual relationship.

I do wonder what he tells his wife when he is with you? Where did she think he was last night? You probably shouldn't answer those questions on here as they could identify you in rl. But surely you must wonder too?

But whatever he tells you, it's probably a best a half truth. You've taken a real bollocking on here OP. But that's because your and his actions will cause anger. The reactions on here are nothing to what you may have to face in real life if he does what you want and leave his wife and 2 children.

Are you prepared to be treated with hostility from his friends and family? To be seen as the woman who broke up a loving home? And that's not even including the hatred from his wife, her family, her friends. Then in a few years time when the children find out the truth...

Fact is when a marriage breaks up because if an affair, people will always know and will always gossip. Not to your face, but they will slag you off. No one will say "Fantastic, you make such a lovely couple. Where did you meet?" You will always be known as the bit on the side that he left for. Always.

Is he worth that? A man who makes you feel vulnerable and then gets out if bed, gets dressed and toddles off back to the wife? His actions last night told you in no uncertain terms that he will not leave the family home.

So you have a choice. Accept what is in offer or walk away. Only you can make that choice. I really hope you put your emotional well being first and start over, on your own.

[Rebecca2014]

You seem to be enjoying the outrage you have caused and anything negative said is ignored by you.