Whoops! Slept with one of my best friends!

[MoonshineWashingLine]

Known my very good friend for nearly 14 years, nothing has ever happened before but then we've never been single at the same time before...

We were pretty drunk but not steaming. I have just come out of a long term relationship (and have one dd) and my ex was verbally/emotionally abusive. I have been single for just a month. My friend didn't take advantage of me or anything, I feel anything but vulnerable, in fact I feel pretty good :)

Plus it was really good, passionate sex that I haven't experienced in quite some time!

I do fancy my friend quite a bit but it is a bit soon and he has a quite a history of relationships amongst our friends, as do I! So I am wary of moving too fast and I also don't want to scare him off. We both knew what we were doing was probably inappropriate but we did it anyway.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? We get on so well and I don't want to risk messing up our friendship but at the same time I think we would be a great couple if we actually got it together. I don't really know how he feels though....

[EBearhug]

gimme his number, i'll ask him!

Yeah, I'd like to see how that pans out...

"Hi mate, you've never met me, nor has Moonshine, but we've been discussing you on the internet, and we just need to know if you're up for a shag, FWB or a relationship..."

That's not going to put anyone off at all.

[MoonshineWashingLine]

Ok... Should I text him the following: 'i may just be a bit drunk (and a bit horny) but it was a shame you couldn't come back to mine tonight, I would've rather enjoyed a repeat of last weekend ;)'

[MoonshineWashingLine]

Or is that too much...? I'm a bit out of practice with stuff like this!

[MoonshineWashingLine]

Not tonight.... pfffft. I'm just going to go to bed!

[PlantsAndFlowers]

Noooooo! Since it won't end in a shag there is nothing to be gained and you'll just cringe when you wake up.

DO NOT SEND!

[KathrynJaneway]

Oh dear I had hoped there would be a development. Did you send that text? Is it too late to say don't do it!!!!
I think if he was interested like that he would've found a way to talk to you tonight, he could have walked you to your taxi or waited with you outside for your lift or whatever? I hate saying it :( but I think last week really was just two friends having a one night thing.

[KathrynJaneway]

Was 'not tonight' his reply to the text?

[jaynebxl]

If he is sucj a good friend just invite him over to your place for dinner this week. Bingo, time alone!

[Uptheanty]

Mmmmm, sounds like a player to me. He could have made sure to grab an opportunity & speak to you if he wanted to.

I hope you just went to bed? A text at that time after no signals from him will definately be a booty call.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

I really wouldn't read too much into not speaking last night, doesn't sound like there was time.

[MoonshineWashingLine]

No I didn't send it, thank christ! Would have cringed this morning. He could have walked me to the taxi rank, I was a bit disappointed that he didn't. Although he did have a full pint in front of him. Ah well. The word player did spring to mind, yes! He's (quite literally) dicked about the girl who was/is in love with him for years and she was out last night making it even more awkward!

[Uptheanty]

I think he enjoys the game. The more you try the more he'll pull away.

I would completely back off.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Hmm, if it's all still unclear then I can understand he wouldn't have wanted to make a public thing of walking you to the rank, especially in front of his ex.

Can you suggest going out for a coffee with just him at some point?

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Interesting me and Upthe see it so differently!

[Uptheanty]

I wouldn't waste another minute on him.

I would put it down to a great unexpected night with a happy memory & move on.
You have given him all sorts of signals & contacted him, he has been aloof at best.

Fuck that.

[lavenderhoney]

Did he make any effort to talk to you privately? And he didn't take the opportunity to walk with you to get a cab? Do any of your friends know you had a ons with him?

Either he had his eye on someone else or he has someone else. The whole " I may be drunk" is his get out clause for treating you like shit or getting a shag and pushing off again. So that's you and your friend who have been messed about by this man that you know of in your group of friends harem :)

The only thing I don't quite understand is why he slept with you. You are just out of a troubled relationship and feel good because you are out. Emotionally you are still vulnerable and if he was such a good long term friend he should have left you alone, not put you in a position where you had no idea what was coming next.

You just wouldn't expect that from a friend. Did he think he was doing you a favour?

I wouldn't text or call him now at all.

Andy- I like your forthright asking advice:) however I have found when I do that I get a lot of fancy footwork back:) seems a direct question is some blokes worst nightmare and they still think you mean something else and over analyse and second guess the question. Which is so short and to the point its laughable!

[Atbeckandcall]

So wish I could have seen messages from you that read differently this morning.

I'd take Andy's advice. He might be a bit thick at this sort of thing and just need it spelling out to him. That way there won't be any what ifs, maybe she's thinking xyz etc.

Maybe say something like "I had a really great night with you the other weekend, I arranged it so I could come out on Friday as I really wanted to see you. Be honest with me, and I really don't mind the answer, would just like to know where I stand. Was it just a one of thing not to be repeated or would you like to see where it goes?"

I'm really shit at typing what to ask people, I end up sound desperate or like I've just helped write a Jane Austen novel. But you catch my drift

[supportworker]

I would certainly not take Andy's advice, in my experience some people dislike being confronted with relationship ultimatums and if he is one of those types then that will only immediately remove any likelihood of anything developing slowly. I would definitely wait for him to contact you.

[JupiterGentlefly]

Oh. Disappointing evening. Moonshine I think you have done all you can do.
by your own admission he has messed someone else around so maybe not the ideal person for you?
You had a lovely experience last weekend just what you needed after a shitty relationship. It would be nice if something came out of it but if it doesn't you still have something to smile about.

[msrisotto]

Ah I'm sorry it didn't quite go as planned.

If I were you, I suppose I would wait for him to get in touch. If he is interested and not a player then he will at least send a text saying hi.

[Dirtybadger]

Hmm. I would leave it. If you were good friends and he wanted a relationship (and he was a good guy) I think he would have at least put feelers out for your feelings. Is it too soon for you? Etc. If I had sex with a friend who was vulnerable-ish or recently out a lTR (esp. An EA one) that's what I'd be doing. I would be a bit conscious of having messed up the chances of a serious relationship and be keen to have it known how I felt so that they didn't think I was a "player".

If he's messed someone around for years I'd suggest he is not a brilliant prospect. At all.

[Raskova]

Such a shame! All is not lost tho! I'd say... Leave it til he texts you now and follow Andy's advice but in a gentle way.

Something like...

just wondered if you wanted last weekend to lead anywhere or leave it at that? Either way is fine, I just don't like wondering