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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Whoops! Slept with one of my best friends!

204 replies

MoonshineWashingLine · 13/04/2014 11:16

Known my very good friend for nearly 14 years, nothing has ever happened before but then we've never been single at the same time before...

We were pretty drunk but not steaming. I have just come out of a long term relationship (and have one dd) and my ex was verbally/emotionally abusive. I have been single for just a month. My friend didn't take advantage of me or anything, I feel anything but vulnerable, in fact I feel pretty good :)

Plus it was really good, passionate sex that I haven't experienced in quite some time!

I do fancy my friend quite a bit but it is a bit soon and he has a quite a history of relationships amongst our friends, as do I! So I am wary of moving too fast and I also don't want to scare him off. We both knew what we were doing was probably inappropriate but we did it anyway.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? We get on so well and I don't want to risk messing up our friendship but at the same time I think we would be a great couple if we actually got it together. I don't really know how he feels though....

OP posts:
lavenderhoney · 14/04/2014 20:05

Why don't you wait a few days/ week and see how you feel once the post shag euphoria has worn off? For both of you.

Then you'll know. Don't rush - you waited a long time. A few more days/ week or so won't hurt.

Or of course, you could text him with details of a mini break you have booked for you both plus you can check wedding venues whilst you're there! That'll get rid of him:)

Seriously, I floundered about for ages in my new status instead of BBF. Had no idea if I could behave as I had or was I supposed to be cool gf.. :)

Be careful you don't become FWB if you don't want that. Your last text hinted you did. To me.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 20:12

BBF? FWB? I'm not good with acronyms :)

OP posts:
lavenderhoney · 14/04/2014 20:34

Best best friend
Friend with benefits

Raskova · 14/04/2014 20:34

Love this type of thing. I'd just ask him out on a date. Something like...

Hi, had a really nice time the other day. How about going on a date? You pick where. No hard feelings if not'

I'm shit with words tho. Sure another mumsnetter could turn that into poetry Grin

Smokinmirrors · 14/04/2014 20:40

Sorry to burst a bubble but this might be a disastrous move.

How old is your daughter.

One month after leaving a long-term abusive relationship is no moment to be embarking on anything.

He sounds very irresponsible to be bedding you when you are close friends and so he presumably know how vulnerable you are.

Smokinmirrors · 14/04/2014 20:42

Also, is your abusive ex going to find out about this chap via your little girl?

Have you thought this through?

At all?

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 20:43

Ah, well haha... yeah i can see how i may have hinted that I was now a friend with benefits!! Oops... I think I just didn't want to come on too strong. Now I'm itching to text him... never been very good at waiting!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 20:47

Cross posted there. Yeah I've thought about that. Obviously it would have to be taken very slowly if he is even interested in a relationship. DD is only 2 so she's not about to blab to daddy, but I wouldn't even introduce him in that manner to her unless it was definite that we were going to have a relationship. Slow on that front!

OP posts:
Smokinmirrors · 14/04/2014 21:00

Why did you stay for so long in the abusive relationship?

Smokinmirrors · 14/04/2014 21:02

After four weeks away from your long-term abuser, are you ready to tidy a cupboard let alone have sex with a best male friend?

Or was your ex not that abusive?

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 21:04

That's a whole other story but in short, I didn't really realise my ex-p was being abusive, i always minimised it. When it did finally click that it WAS abuse it only took me 4 months to get rid. And good riddance to him. Huge relief once he had gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 21:09

I feel so much better now that ex-p is not in my life (in that way) any more, seriously. It's great! I don't feel vulnerable in the slightest. If anything I feel so much stronger for finally telling him to do one!

OP posts:
Smokinmirrors · 14/04/2014 21:13

And how is your little girl coping?

I expect she stays with relatives a lot.

Sorry, but you have had a long-term abusive relationship and a very young daughter who needs you now more than ever. You are throwing yourself at this man. It might not end well. You may be feeling euphoria for a while at having the freedom from your ex but your daughter needs to come first.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 21:24

No, she rarely stays with relatives as there is only my mum who she can stay with and that's only usually once every couple of months, once a month at the most. Since ex-p has been gone DD was confused for a little while but she has come on in leaps and bounds confidence wise in the last few weeks, it's definitely had a positive effect on her. I would never put anyone else before my DD, hence I kicked out ex-p. Yes i'm excited about what happened with my friend because he actually made me realise what i've been missing for the last 3 years but i'm not about to marry the guy!

OP posts:
Raskova · 14/04/2014 21:26

Smokinmirrors, you expect she stays with relatives a lot? I'm surprised you can hoik your judgey pants that high! Surely the rod up your arse gets in the way? Hmm

Selks · 14/04/2014 21:36

"I expect she stays with relatives a lot"

....what on earth?? How offensive to the OP! Have you come on here just to make the OP feel bad or something?

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 21:46

Thank you Raskova and Sellks for some rational perspective Grin

OP posts:
Raskova · 14/04/2014 21:49

Don't worry moonshine. I'm fairly sure she meant...

well done for leaving your abusive partner and creating a better life for you and your daughter

It just got lost in translation Wink

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 21:53

Heh, I hope so :)

OP posts:
ladygracie · 14/04/2014 21:54

You must text him!! We need to know!!!!
Also, well done on everything you have achieved Smile

Raskova · 14/04/2014 21:55

Anyway, less rationalising! Text him, text him, teeexxxxxttttt hhhiiiiiimmmm GrinGrinGrin

MummyBeerest · 14/04/2014 21:57

Wow Smokinmirrors. Think you about shit your judgypants there!

OP, don't over-think. You had great sex with a guy who is also your friend. Whatever the outcome, good for you.

Time will tell and all that.

How would you feel about being friends with benefits?

Kewcumber · 14/04/2014 21:58

"And how is your little girl coping?"

HA ha ha ha haaaa!

Yes because I'll just bet you had sex right on the floor in front of her you harlot. Single parents musn't have sex, their children will be traumatised.

Just realised you were drinking too Shock

Do social services know?

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 14/04/2014 22:01

Ha Grin i might do, I know he is going out in my area on friday so I might see if I can bob out for 1 or 2 bevvies (once DD is sound asleep of course...) I won't find out if I can even go until tomorrow though so I might text him then... or I could just text him now...... haha! I've never been very good at decision making!

OP posts:
Raskova · 14/04/2014 22:02

They mustn't know yet. That's a priority issue don't you know! They'd have been already if they did...