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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Today I did something truly terrible

268 replies

Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 14:25

And I am totally horrified at my actions.

DH & I have been having marriage problems for the last year. I love him very much but I find him very controlling.
He's very critical of me & I feel like I can't do anything right.
For example, I couldn't order the curry last night, I had to wait for him to get in from work. Obviously I'm unable to use the phone- I'll only do it wrong.

Fast forward to today, we were going out together, I was supposed to drive, prearranged. I could see how difficult it was for him, noone ever does anything as well as he does.
DH proceeded to tell me slow- fast- watch your speed etc. this was continual he then told me where I should get off so we could enjoy a cup of coffee. When I dutifully pulled of he then directed me where to park Hmm

I expressed how unhappy I was with the constant commands & he apologised but got cross with me, he then told me to shut up as he'd apologised.

Once we got inside I went to find a table after 5 min DH hadn't joined me. I went looking for him and he was sat elsewhere eating & enjoying his coffee. The silent protest of a manchild.

That's when I did it.

I went.

I left him 60km from home at a service station.

Holy shit.

OP posts:
MrsWombat · 12/04/2014 17:18

Are you in the UK or elsewhere?

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:21

Elsewhere!

He runs hot & cold. As furious as he was he's already cooled down & making tentative steps towards reconciliation. But of course, his way...
Ie- we won't discuss it & nothing will change.

OP posts:
Wrapdress · 12/04/2014 17:22

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! True turning point. Brilliant!

Sylvana · 12/04/2014 17:22

I'm just trying to imagine the scene. He's finished his last mouthful of bacon buttie and slurped his last mouthful of tea. How long did he continue to sit there and at what point did he go looking for you. I bet his face was a picture when he realised he was all alone :).

Lweji · 12/04/2014 17:23

For what is worth, when I finally left exH, and for all the crap he pulled afterwards, the calm at home was fantastic.
Well worth leaving him.
I only regret not leaving sooner, as many other women here.

MaryWestmacott · 12/04/2014 17:35

You said the DCs are away, where are they away, in the country you are now or the UK? (Am assume the UK is your home country sorry if not).

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:39

They are on another country visiting my family.

I'm having a break Hmm

OP posts:
MrsBongleChops · 12/04/2014 17:42

Can you join them?

something2say · 12/04/2014 17:43

Hiya, so what's happening in your house right now then? Is he elsewhere, sulking? What are your plans for the evening? What are you thinking now, make up to get it behind you and then planned exit or straight to planned exit?

MaryWestmacott · 12/04/2014 17:43

Is that other country where your family live? Do you work? Do you have commitments other than your 'D'H in the country you are now? I'd be tempted to say sod it, collect up paperwork, as much stuff as you can, and join them there. (however, I don't have a job to go to on Monday morning)

CrockedPot · 12/04/2014 17:48

Stay firm op, life's too short to put up with that crap. Well done, enjoy the next step!

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:53

I do work & I have commitments. I wanted this week to try & spend sometime with DH as we haven't been getting along very well lately.

So obviously... It's going well.

Currently I'm upstairs in the bedroom considering smoking out of the window ( haven't smoked in 8 years ).

DH is downstairs working on the computer giving off his twat aura to the cat.

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 12/04/2014 17:54

I love you OP! You sound intelligent and articulate and he sounds like...um...errr...a bell end, total knobber wankbadger! Seriously you are waaay too good for him. You have the total measure of him and he is as one dimensional as they come it seems. Bin ASAP. Find someone from planet normal.

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:56

Maybe I should wait a couple of days and give him a copy of this thread.
May e seeing it in black & white will finally give him a different perspective!

OP posts:
Polonius · 12/04/2014 17:58

Yeah, do it Holyshit. He'll probably have a go at you for posting 'his private life' online, but fuck it.

Got nothing else to loose and everything to gain at this point, so try it.

Lweji · 12/04/2014 17:58

I don't think you should show him this tread. He will get an inkling of what you may do.

He is not the type to think anything is his fault, not until he hits rock bottom and, even then, I doubt it.

Chottie · 12/04/2014 18:00

Fab u lous - you rock! :)

Hissy · 12/04/2014 18:02

I'd go to the DC and leave him to it. Can you leave now? Today? First thing in the morning?

MaryWestmacott · 12/04/2014 18:02

don't show him the thread. It won't change him.

Think if this is how you want to live your life for the next 20-30 years.

If you want out, then start planning it carefully. A new job in your home country might be in order. (obviously, without your 'd'H knowing you applied)

Lweji · 12/04/2014 18:08

In fact, your idea of showing him this thread shows you're still hoping he can change.
I don't think he will.
This is how he is, right now.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/04/2014 18:09

I think showing him this thread is way too risky - if he gets cross at what he sees here - which he will because we have been pretty blunt - he will take it out on you, Holyshit.

Can you get away? Are there friends you could stay with, either where you are, or back in the UK? Could you go and get the children and come back to the UK?

As another poster has said, please make sure you have all your important documents together, so you can get them quickly if you need them, and keep your phone charged.

BigArea · 12/04/2014 18:09

You rule, OP. Good luck for the future Thanks

Hissy · 12/04/2014 18:09

Good god no! Don't show him the thread!

You can't negotiate with this idiot! He won't ever see that anything is his fault!

Cut your losses, go get your kids and go somewhere you can start again!

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/04/2014 18:12

Why is it the cheek of you? Surely he had a cheek to disappear in the first place?

BrianTheMole · 12/04/2014 18:12

I wouldn't show it to him. You are giving him more of yourself than you can actually afford to give.