Today I did something truly terrible

[Holyshit58]

And I am totally horrified at my actions.

DH & I have been having marriage problems for the last year. I love him very much but I find him very controlling.
He's very critical of me & I feel like I can't do anything right.
For example, I couldn't order the curry last night, I had to wait for him to get in from work. Obviously I'm unable to use the phone- I'll only do it wrong.

Fast forward to today, we were going out together, I was supposed to drive, prearranged. I could see how difficult it was for him, noone ever does anything as well as he does.
DH proceeded to tell me slow- fast- watch your speed etc. this was continual he then told me where I should get off so we could enjoy a cup of coffee. When I dutifully pulled of he then directed me where to park

I expressed how unhappy I was with the constant commands & he apologised but got cross with me, he then told me to shut up as he'd apologised.

Once we got inside I went to find a table after 5 min DH hadn't joined me. I went looking for him and he was sat elsewhere eating & enjoying his coffee. The silent protest of a manchild.

That's when I did it.

I went.

I left him 60km from home at a service station.

Holy shit.

I hope you aren't forgiving him and are going to make plans to leave?

Phew.

Please please tell me you're protecting yourself but going along with it while you make plans?

If not, re-read your earlier posts as if you were a stranger - what would you think of their situation?

I remain resolute.

glad that was an x post!

Do be aware that this is the most risky time though - he may well escalate his behaviour to try and keep you in line

He just doesn't get it, does he?

What a knob

Very well done - I even received flowers from my exP that he left for me when he was evicted from our house. He complained to my DF why I did not accept his flowers and apology - after all they were red roses and I still would not have him back . He actually thought buying a bunch of flowers would do the trick of apologising for years of his horrendous behaviour.

Very well done and don't give in.

It's not difficult is it?

Of course I'm not grateful for shit like flowers or any other favour or gifted trinket. That stuff only matters on top of respect not instead of???

I'd rather never receive anything of monetary value again in place of respect and common decency.

It's not brain surgery is it?

I do worry that he will get physical.

good for you op - my ex used to buy expensive gifts. Of course chucking money around made him feel special and I was expected to be completely grateful. didn't work.

Thank god you were only joking.

He never has before in 15 years.

Although it is physically painful listening to him, does that count?

I think he'll mostly be shocked & surprised

It's just a possibility you need to be aware of. He's losing control of you and may well act "out of character" to try and reel you back in.

You said you're not in the UK but the Women's Aid website will have advice so it'd be worth having a read :)

Nice!!

It could involve breaking your things, pushing, or other forms of physical manipulation or control. Not necessarily beating.

Ex pinned me by the back of the neck on the floor, after I didn't let him break my work laptop. And slapped me when I tried to get away from his fists pushing both sides of my face.

He may also try to control you financially. Make sure you have a backup.

Be prepared to call the police if it gets too much for you. Even if only verbal.
Check what the law is locally on abuse, not just physical abuse.

At the moment he's trying his usual tactics of blaming you and offering tokens of good faith. As you are not taking it, who knows where it will go.
(He was responsible for care of your DS too, btw)

I agree with the above advice given: His behaviour may get worse, because you did not accept the flowers.

I think it should count that listening to the nonsense they are talking is physically painful - it does give you a headache. You know they are talking rubbish and it makes no sense and the more you think about it the worse it becomes, but there is nothing you can do about it.

It is obviously emotional abuse, I think they know full well they are just trying to confuse us: My exP's motto was to "confuse and destroy".

Trying to fight it and get them to see some sense, in my experience makes matters worse and will end in him calling you names, becoming even more threatening and possibly assault you if he has reached the end of the road and you still don't give in. Don't even think for a moment that you now have the upper hand by having taken that decision, you don't know what tactics he still has up his sleeve and he may be confused now that his controlling behaviour alone doesn't work on you anymore.

These guys feel entitled to behave the way they do. If you think he will be shocked and surprised, please be careful whatever you do.

Of course I'm not grateful for shit like flowers or any other favour or gifted trinket. That stuff only matters on top of respect not instead of???

I'd rather never receive anything of monetary value again in place of respect and common decency.

This may be obvious to you and me - but if you've been putting up with disrepectful behaviour all these years, it may be less clear to him, so you might need to spell it out to him. (Even if you aren't going to stay with him, he'll still have some involvement because of the children.)