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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Today I did something truly terrible

268 replies

Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 14:25

And I am totally horrified at my actions.

DH & I have been having marriage problems for the last year. I love him very much but I find him very controlling.
He's very critical of me & I feel like I can't do anything right.
For example, I couldn't order the curry last night, I had to wait for him to get in from work. Obviously I'm unable to use the phone- I'll only do it wrong.

Fast forward to today, we were going out together, I was supposed to drive, prearranged. I could see how difficult it was for him, noone ever does anything as well as he does.
DH proceeded to tell me slow- fast- watch your speed etc. this was continual he then told me where I should get off so we could enjoy a cup of coffee. When I dutifully pulled of he then directed me where to park Hmm

I expressed how unhappy I was with the constant commands & he apologised but got cross with me, he then told me to shut up as he'd apologised.

Once we got inside I went to find a table after 5 min DH hadn't joined me. I went looking for him and he was sat elsewhere eating & enjoying his coffee. The silent protest of a manchild.

That's when I did it.

I went.

I left him 60km from home at a service station.

Holy shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 16:44

He'll never change, he's already progressed to name calling and shouting Sad

The only option for me is to try to make arrangements to leave.

I'm an ungrateful bitch apparently.

OP posts:
Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 12/04/2014 16:45

Flowers op don't play in to his silent treatment.

I'd be concerned about how your dc see him treating you like this is effecting them. It doesn't bode well for their future relationships.

WitchWay · 12/04/2014 16:46

Have you any friends you could stay with ?

HappySunflower · 12/04/2014 16:46

Fantastic!
The end if your post made me feel like cheering.
This sounds of
Dd to post seeing that we don't know one another, but I am proud of you.
Well done for having more respect for yourself than he does.
Please don't put up with any shit from him.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 12/04/2014 16:46

Oh cross post.

What a wanker.

Lweji · 12/04/2014 16:47

Don't rise to the challenge now.

When I finally left exH, he had a rant complete with threats. I didn't rise to it. Just left as soon as I could with DS.

Play it cool and plan your exit with your children.

PeanutPatty · 12/04/2014 16:47

I would say he is embarrassed at being dumped at the services. I'd also go as far as to say that he is thinking "How dare she? Who does she thinks she is?" type rubbish.

You are not ungrateful. Nor are you a bitch.

He is a bullying control freak.

Meerka · 12/04/2014 16:48

YAY for being an Ungrateful Bitch then.

Be proud of that particular label, I'd say, when faced with him.

YOu are expat, you said. Not saying you have to leave him, but can you begin to idly think about how you would go about it if you want to? Have you got family or friends in the UK you could go to? could you take the children with you?

PeanutPatty · 12/04/2014 16:48

Agree with Llewji.

BrianTheMole · 12/04/2014 16:53

Well you know, being an ungrateful bitch is ok sometimes. It really is!

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 16:53

I've not got anyone to go to but that's not really a reason to stay.

I' e been leaning towards this for the last year but I was always hoping that something would change. Unfortunately that can only happen if you both want it.

His behaviour is truly awful & I'm finding it very difficult to be around him as I have so little respect left for him now.

He is verbally abusive and I fear he'll make it very difficult for me when he realises Im serious.

He'll screw me financially too.

OP posts:
Selks · 12/04/2014 16:54

He is escalating his behaviour. You need to keep yourself safe and you should consider leaving today for that reason.

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 16:55

peanutpatty you're exactly right. The cheek of me?

OP posts:
Selks · 12/04/2014 16:57

Get all your important things together in a bag now - passport, ID documents, bank cards etc with some belongings and consider leaving. You can book yourself into any bed and breakfast overnight and as long as you don't tell him where you are or leave any clues (e.g. internet history) then that will get you some thinking and breathing space.

Logg1e · 12/04/2014 16:57

I think you need to start planning your escape to your new life. Sounds as though legal advice is pretty urgent.

Sod him, I'd lie out of my back teeth and let him think I was contrite and chastened.

Lottapianos · 12/04/2014 16:58

He sounds truly awful OP. It really is exhausting putting up with this sort of treatment. You don't deserve it. I hope this is the beginning of you finding your way out of this marriage and moving towards a much happier future.

ivykaty44 · 12/04/2014 17:00

i think the comment that you are ungrateful is very telling

he sees you as someone below him and not his equal

he sees you as an unpaid wifey to bring up his children and feed him, clean for him and be there for him

I would detach and not respond, that means not getting into a conflict not responding to conversation as what will it achieve? he is looking for a way to blame you - so fine let him blame you but you are not to blame…

don't bang your head on a brick wall it hurts to much

LavenderGreen14 · 12/04/2014 17:03

I agree get away ASAP, contact WA if needed. Also screw you financially? Could you have a free half hour with a solicitor to clarify finances, etc?

GilmoursPillow · 12/04/2014 17:08

If you're an expat, get your and your kids' passports and put them somewhere he cant get them - with someone else if possible. Don't let him stop you leaving, if that's the best thing.

Lweji · 12/04/2014 17:11

You will have to consider what to do while the children are away. What would you do about them? Would you stay in the same place for schools, etc?

Is it ok to ask whereabouts are you?

ChishandFips33 · 12/04/2014 17:14

I have so little respect left for him now
Try to work out an exit strategy before you lose respect for yourself

I admire you, it can't be easy but stay strong and focused on that moment when you decided to do it

I would've done the same

RhondaJean · 12/04/2014 17:14

OP I think you are my new hero.

Please go, you don't need to deal with this crap. You are around my age, there's an awful lot of life left in front of us to be unhappy with if you stay.

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:15

It is priceless though...

I told him I wasn't sorry & it served him right.
After all these years, I'm just about the only person he can't steamroll.

But truly, it's just so boring now...

OP posts:
Lweji · 12/04/2014 17:17

Good for you.

Beware of the revenge, though.

Original poster
Holyshit58 · 12/04/2014 17:18

Have pm'd you lewejl

OP posts:
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