DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

The freedom programme would also be a good idea for you. (After DC safely home and prohibited steps order obtained)

I think I'd be calling the British embassy in Australia and alerting them to a possible child abduction to be honest (here) and asking advice.

I honestly think that if he CBA to have them to sleep over at home he's likely just to be doing this to frighten you but I still think you should absolutely be on your guard.

I usually co sleep with 3yo DS. He's a chubby snuggly mud magnet. I hope they are ok.

Oh January :(

I do think he's just shitting you up but you know that you can't trust that that's what is happening. You have to take it seriously just in case and you must must must never let him take them anywhere again.

Heartbreaking :(

How old are your other DC's? (Do they have phones you can track?)

Look at all recent posts/pictures his cousin has posted as one might tell you roughly where they are.

Am struggling through a fog of ADs at the moment.

thank you so much for your advice. I will read through it all again in the morning. i'm a bit muddled & upset.

www.reunite.org

Ring the above, on their advice line. Do it as soon as you can. Don't assume he is playing with you and will be back Sunday, maybe he is, but its unforgivable, IMO.

The above website has lots of info too, so have a look.

And tell your solicitor, write down everything he said and keep anything which says he said he would be back.

Has he let you talk to the dc whilst they've been away? I do feel for you. He is very cruel.

Do everything you can to get some decent sleep OP. Everyone is here to help you tomorrow.

Why are you allowing him to do this to you and your children?

Personally i think you should call him back and explain that you've spoken to the police and they are expecting the children to be returned by Sunday latest.

I am really struggling to find something useful to say here, I cannot even imagine, this is something my STBXH would try to do. I would return to the police, can you ring any Government agencies that would help. I have found a link which I will add in a minute, I am not suggesting he has "abducted" them, but they may be able to offer advice. A holiday means you go one day and come back on a named day, you don't suddenly change days. I really would want airport alerts (am I being over dramatic here?), any way to stop him leaving France and going to Oz with the kids. I am sounding alarmist and don't want do but this appears to be a very worrying situation. Is he answering the phone at all?

www.pact-online.org/Advice/advice-action-guide-pact-parents-and-abducted-children-together-parental-abduction-missing-children-associate-of-icmec.html

You could try Australian immigration or Australian federal police on Monday.

I know when I got dd a passport, they rang dp to confirm he gave permission. I think you can also list your kids as "not to travel" on an Australian passport. If you call the Australian authorities they might be able to confirm if Australian passports were issued or if he/they is in the country.

Where in Australia does he have relatives? Does he have a gf? I seriously doubt he is looking after them n his own.

Legally, I doubt he could stay away permanently with the kids. You need visas, a job, childcare. He might be able to try this in Australia but it is signatory to the Hague convention. Plus if he can't be arsed paying child support I doubt he will beyond trying to punish you.

When he comes back, take the passports and give them to someone for safekeeping. Don't allow him to take them again.

I let them go because I didn't want to be considered to be over protective & paranoid.

only had one phone call so far. when i phone Hs mobile, no answer.

Januarycat...please take all advice here...I understand why you did what you did but at the same token, I refused my H's request to take my 3 yo DS on holiday in June. Don't trust him, never will. Ring everybody, get every bit of advice you can and advise him by text/email whatever that you have involved government agencies and the deadline is X on Sunday....what an absolute bastard he is, the lowest of the low. Please keep everybody updated...and sending you hugs because frankly I don't know how I'd be in that situation...I feel so awful for you xxx

I'm answering as though he is in Australia (he may not be).

Can you have local police do a welfare check? If he was here would he stay with his parents? You could try and rule it out with a phone call now?

...as an afterthought, are you in touch with any of his family, anybody you could contact and involve?

Where is his hometown?

Please don't stress- call reunite, I'm not sure if they have a 24/7 line but call both numbers as they might answer with practical help.

Where are they staying? Did he tell you?

discuss with your solicitor as soon as you can as I'm sure she/ he will have advised you on risk him taking the children abroad and the risk when you told them his plans and of course now any child care must be reworked in lieu of the divorce. Tell them to get a move on.

You could also call SS and tell them, as him causing them distress will not look good for him and with him not returning from abroad, and causing distress if they expecting to come home, he may have to see them in a contact centre.

Stop being nice. Its not helping you or your dc. Fuck him. Let him sort his own pr.

I will take on board all advice. I'm slower than I usually am at processing stuff because of the anti depressants.

Yes they don't need passports, just an evisitor visa that you can get online. The flights costs thousands though, and the shortest route (and most expensive) is 21 hours with one stop in hong kong. I think your gut feeling that they are in France and he is just manipulating is probably right, but you can't assume anything. Did you mention that he has Australian citizenship to the police? I think they need to treat it more seriously, they could call him and speak to him as a start?

Where is his family in Australia? I'm Sydney and have friends in a few different cities, if you think of anything I can help with let me know.

No advice but thinking of you xx

Sorry shortest route to Sydney, it's less for WA.

i'm pretty certain that they are still in france. due to facebook messages from cousin.

police said they cannot do anything until sunday as i let him take them & i am not concerned for their welfare. i said if i had been concerned i would not have let them go, but i was concerned that he had not brought them back when he said he would & had in the past threatened to take them away from me.