DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

Good luck!

Thank you to LH for the sol recommendation. Have emailed them.
Little DS was covered in hives when they got back. Almost all cleared. He has told me daddy shouted a lot
10yo is fine, has a friend here at mo. But has also said h had said not v nice things about me.

DM - i explained situ, she told me to get a good job to pay legal fees. Shes v helpful in that way

H is back at work this wk - he never actually left his job(??!). Csa are asking him for £30 p wk. He earns 100k pa min but is creative with his accounts. I have contacted hmrc

Is it possible he is using the UK passports in an application for australian passports? In which case make sure the court knows that there may be other passports for the children to travel on. Ask the kids if Daddy took them to a photobooth?

I think you should voice your concerns about the hives and the treatment of the children somewhere, maybe the gp (to check the hives) or a social worker.
NSPCC might be able to help?

If you can't get income support and aren't working (from the SAHM reference) what about turning buying/ selling into a part time business for a few years till the DC are full time school?

You mention you're thinking about doing some personal ebay selling, but if you commit the required 16 or us it 24 hrs a week to it you could declare yourself self employed and be getting both child and working tax credit. You'd be an awful lot better off and should be able to cover your bills.

I did this for a while and did okay from it. I'm just getting back into it. I sell for family/ friends for 50% sale price. I take my youngest (3) on wonderings out and around charity shops and we go as a family to car boots. My eldest (10) enjoys finding bits and pieces to sell too - he's good at it and particularly enjoys spending his profits.

They used to allow you a couple of years not making masses to get yourself established as a small business. I'm sure the right forum on here somewhere would help you with logistics if you're interested.

As you supposedly have rental income, make sure you get it. You can ask a solicitor to make a claim, or ask the tenants, or agency to change where they deposit the rent.

And add that income to his when you claim child maintenance.

Have you asked the kids if they went anywhere after they got to Dover? Wonderng if they took a detour to the Australian embassy on their way back....

I don't think he'd steal them, although obviously could be wrong. This is a man whose sole purpose in taking them away seems to have been to abuse the op and who spent the whole time shouting at the dc and bad mouthing their mum (which is telling). He had never had the 3 year old to sleep over even one time in his house a few miles away before this, when he visits the op's house he deliberately does things to freak her out so he clearly isn't coming to visit the dc.

I don't think he gives a stuff about dc beyond what he can provoke in the op by using them. This makes it very dangerous for him to be around them IMO but I think it also means he is not likely to want to really abduct them.

You were not overreacting at all

Am so pleased they are back safe and sound

If I don't post here I won't move forwards.

H is in a nice cycle at the moment.
He asked me out to dinner on thursday, I declined (because I would rather eat my own vomit).

Last night he invited 10 people over (parents from DSs school) for a bbq at my house. It is as though he wants to play the happy couple/family & I'm being forced into playing along with his game. I didn't want to make people feel awkward by telling them we were divorcing, h is mad, please don't come over ... but I did make a point of saying we don't live together. God, it was awful. h was showing off, he had bought loads of expensive wine & food. thing is, our day to day reality is an empty fridge, h not paying any bills & being a bastard.

what the f is going on?

I have set myself up as self employed - buying & selling on ebay, as suggested by a poster up thread. It has given me a much needed boost to my confidence - making my own money & knowing it is going towards our freedom. By the end of nxt week I should have enough money for the Preventative Steps Order. thats my focus.

I think the thing that was keeping me with him was that I felt sorry for him. I couldn't comprehend why someone would be so unpleasant to another human being. I have always been looking for a reason behind his behaviour & I hate to admit it but I suppose I wanted to 'fix' things.

I let Dcs go on holiday with h because I can't afford to take them. i knew if I refused, H would have literally pulled little DS out of my arms. I had to decide what would be least distressing for them. I feel bad about letting them go.

Oh cool OP, you are eligible for tax credits if you're self employed (I think, don't know how your joint assets would affect that). Get thyself to www.entitledto.co.uk if unsure. ( I'm not sure if that is the exact website address, but if you google entitledto, you'll find it).

January they all go through the nice cycle. IME it was all to do with making me out to be the bad one.

STBX was great at putting on a show and then feigning utter surprise and hurt when he was called on it. This is so they have that ammunition of "you were at my house we had a great time and this is how she treats me...SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH"

Ignore ignore ignore. He's rebuilding an image of himself as perfect husband and father - keep in mind how you felt when you were desperate with worry. This is just him manipulating the situation.

Stay strong, and well done getting the ball rolling on your ebay shop too!!

His mask will slip at some point. It's impossible for him to keep this act up. Plenty of posters on the EA thread that have been there.

Stay strong

the thing that was keeping me with him was that I felt sorry for him... I have always been looking for a reason behind his behaviour & I hate to admit it but I suppose I wanted to 'fix' things

Welcome to the club. The weary, learnt-the-hard-way club.

Mind, they wind us in with their poor-pity stories and we feel so sorry for them kind people that we are . Ex married again and he was doing his oh-poor-me-and-my-terrible-stories routine and she was in agony - also horrified at my hardness.

When all the dust has settled, you may want to give codependency a look. That's when you've done the Freedom Programme , got into therapy, got your finances sorted, got the shit out of your life (and lives, hopefully). You'll be busy! re all of us in the weary, learnt-the-hard-way club.

Well done for getting the ebay business up and running. That's great