DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

Time to get busy today, op

I'm so relieved for you to hear they are back with you.

You have a busy day ahead of you! Well done and good luck for your future!

(and certainly don't let them visit him again unless you have their passports back)

So glad you have them with you. xx

How did you get on with your list of jobs today?

So happy that they're home!

Just de-lurking to say I'm in awe of your ability to hold it together. You've had a jaw-droppingly awful few days, but thank God the DC are back.

You've got your list of things to do - good luck and keep us updated.

Hope you're ok OP. Please don't let your resolve slip now that the children are back. You don't want this man holding this threat over you indefinitely. Put him back in his place and don't accept any nonsense - please see a solicitor and get what protection you can put in place for you and your children.

Hi, quick update while i have internet access.
I cant get any remission for court fees. I have the prohibited steps form ready for court as soon as i have the money (£200 ish).
Not entitled to income support as i own a rental property with h that has equity.
Selling things on ebay.

Dcs are ok
Little DS very clingy, as expected.

OP you are amazing.

Have you spoken to Reunite?

Maybe borrowing from your Mum is worth a rethink too?

Did you get the passports back?

(aww i want to give little DS a hug too )

It will be £200 well spent.
I hope you get the money soon.

Wont the court demand he surrender the passports as part of the order?

Well done OP, it will indeed be £200 well spent.

You need to sort out an income from him ASAP. Can you investigate hiring a solicitor and filing for divorce at which point you will be able to apply for ancillary relief?

Are you getting an income from the rental? Is he?

Income from rental has always gone to h.
Divorce proceedings already underway but slow progress due to finances. Ancillary relief (financial order?) - any such orders cost.. i have no income.

My last attempt to get legal aid will be via new gp as soon as they get notes from old one i will get my meds assessed, explain situation (on meds due to dv). If they can provide a letter to state im on ADs due to dv I MIGHT get legal aid.

So he is keeping the profits from the house too?!

Take this fucker to the CLEANERS!

Sounds v tough, he sounds very difficult to deal with.
And your poor small DS...
Have you been in touch with CAB re benefits etc? Are you claiming child tax credits?
If the rental money goes to DH and you can show this then wouldn't you be eligible for Income support too?

Internet on go slow.

If anyone else in same situ- the reunite website is invaluable (if a bit out of date in places) as is the custody minefield one. I would not have known about these if it hadnt been for the lovely mumsnetters who have posted.

Most lawyers will give you the first consultation free. He should be giving you your share of rental income? Have you applied for tax credits?

January, I'm going to pm you the details of possibly the snakiest and foxiest lawyer I have ever had advice from. You're going to need someone like that. It doesn't matter where you are living.

Call and explain your situation and see what he says. Some lawyers go for fees after and won't want money up front. He also runs a forum online. That's free.

There's always a way. There is. Ask and be completely truthful about what a convincing person he is and what he has done re dc and you recently plus totally fucking you over financially.

Its no shame on you btw, these people are super charming. Everyone I should think has a tale to tell about a great guy or woman who turned out to be dreadful. Why, I have one a few myself.

Not sure who posted but the reunite website is kept up to date - if you think its not, contact them!

You need to file for divorce. Assets are taken from that moment to be divided I believe, so it pays to get a move on. And not tell him. He probably won't even get a draft copy- ask your solicitor advise when you get one. Do it before he leaves the UK- ie ASAP as if he files from oz, it will be more costly and difficulty for you - ie court if you don't agree his terms as he filed first.

I've read the thread heart in mouth. So glad they are back with you op. I feel a surge of complete rage towards your bullying shit of an Ex.

I think that the fact that he's kept you completely impoverished is yet more evidence of dv. In fact, all the stunts he's pulled should go against him. Big time (we hope). They all show a trend of keeping you in his power one way or another.

What a pain that your internet is crap - is that another symptom of the poverty he's kept you in?

thinking of you, lovely. Sounds like you have the big guns on your side (YAY ). Lavender, I suspect your inbox will be full in seconds re the snakiest lawyer . My lawyers were paid afterwards - I paid one 40pm for years.

I agree with Springy.