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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

439 replies

januarycat · 11/04/2014 20:37

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 13/04/2014 20:35

Phew. Have been lurking and stressing with you.
Thank god.

brianbennettfan · 13/04/2014 20:38

Bloody Nora, January, I have been dying a thousand deaths for you all day. Can't remember the last time I felt this relieved about anything. Now do us all a favour and bang the arsehole to rights. Multiple unmumsnetty hugs, and can I have a bit of that Cake please? x x x

Hissy · 13/04/2014 20:39

Thank god! That's fab news! Enjoy your babies and let us know how it all went when you have a moment.

WeAreDetective · 13/04/2014 20:40

Phew!!

Has he gone???

lostlalaloopsy · 13/04/2014 20:40

Thank goodness!, I have been checking this thread all day and so glad the dc are home.

BIWI · 13/04/2014 20:40

Fantastic. What did your 'd'h say when he turned up with them?

ChasedByBees · 13/04/2014 20:45

It's read this, so relieved for you and glad they're back OP. I am glad I didn't read this on Friday, it made me feel sick for you even now so it must have been absolutely unbearable for you.

What a pig he is. I hope you can stop contact.

Slainte · 13/04/2014 20:47

Phew, so glad to hear they're back. You'll be able to exhale now Smile

mumof5plusazoo · 13/04/2014 20:50

I'm so pleased to see your update. I hope you are all enjoying the cake and lots of cuddles. Xx

ThePigOfHappiness · 13/04/2014 20:52

Oh god I'm so pleased to hear this. Enjoy your cake and cuddles.
Sending you strength for tomorrow too. Xxx

MrsC1969HJ · 13/04/2014 20:54

Oh thank God for that, heart in mouth all day....so relieved! When you've all settled down, please let us know how it went and please don't be distracted away from that list. This must never happen again, ever. You have them, hold them tight. Lots of love x

MisForMumNotMaid · 13/04/2014 21:02

Like everyone else I'm glad for you and them.

I laughed when I read about the clean house earlier. I used to clean furiously when the DC were first out with XH, who also made his threats and didn't worry about returning when he'd said. But he has never so much as had them over night seven years on. So I think you are an amazing strong women. You've shown immense composure and behaved with such dignity through what must have been enormous distress.

Hopefully its Monday when you're reading this and the DC didn't give you to much bother settling after eating masses of yummy cake. Hopefully you've slept a proper nights sleep.

Get your list out and work though it. Don't loose momentum, don't let days and weeks slip by. Maintain control.

Good luck.

ProcessYellowC · 13/04/2014 21:03

That's great news - thank you for coming back to tell us.

Good luck for tomorrow.

CurtWild · 13/04/2014 21:07

Just caught up..so glad to hear they're home january, lots of cuddles to be had. And please stick to those plans for tomorrow, make sure he never, ever does that to you and your boys again x

TheOnlyMrsW · 13/04/2014 21:07

Thank goodness they're back, have been watching with everyone else all weekend. Am so sorry you've been through this and hope you can make your way forward with your dc's. You've done so well to keep it together, be strong for them and you x

lavenderhoney · 13/04/2014 21:13

Great news and a huge mistake on his part.

But tomorrow, get on it. Just in case.

wallypops · 13/04/2014 21:17

Sorry havent read the whole thread yet - but I live in France, French exh. He had it put into our divorce agreement the countries I am allowed to go to with the kids without his permission - Europe and the States (as my DB lived there at the time). Anywhere else I have to have his written permission. I am regularly stopped at customs and have to prove the kids are mine with our "livret de famille" - the official document here. My ex was stopped when travelling to the UK with our kids, and border control rang me to verify that the kids were allowed to travel with him.

I think the agreement would be difficult to enforce prior to travel, but it would mean legally I had kidnapped the kids if I chose to travel elsewhere without his permission, and I would automatically loose custody and 'parental rights'.

insidethemind · 13/04/2014 21:30

OMG, OP, so pleased for you. After cake and a very good night's sleep, I would be checking off that list as quick as I could tomorrow to make sure the twat never got the chance to do something like that again.

MarthasHarbour · 13/04/2014 21:34

OMG thank fuck for that i dont think i could have slept tonight otherwise!

So very pleased for you, i was so worried this wouldn't end well but am so bloody happy!

Hope shithead ex has gone and you are cuddling your DC's tight (and having an amazing cosleep with DS Smile)

You know what you need to do now though - stay strong and believe in yourself.

Flowers
legoqueen · 13/04/2014 21:43

I'm so pleased that your DCs are home at last. Please don't let your relief dilute your plans for tomorrow - your H has been incredibly cruel & mustn't be allowed to do this again.

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 13/04/2014 21:56

Thank god they are home and safe. I hope they got extra big slices of the yummy cake.

Original poster
januarycat · 13/04/2014 22:10

Will read back later, but thought would update. Cake is demolished.
3yo ds fast asleep, am watching film with 10yo. So relieved. Will follow through with list tomorrow

H knocked on door & said he was taking them back to his. I told him he wasnt, opened car door, got them out. Grabbed bags (shit, forgot pports), said 'bye' to h.Cant explain what it felt like - the hugs & giggles.

Thank you so much for propping me up when i felt like i was falling into the black hole of hell.

I have to go to bed now xx

OP posts:
clam · 13/04/2014 22:12

Well done!

Get those passports back asap!

BIWI · 13/04/2014 22:13

Brilliant, well done you.

(Just make sure you get those passports back - or report them lost/stolen, or something!

NotALondoner · 13/04/2014 22:21

Report them lost is a good idea if he doesn't give them back, and speak to the solicitor about new ones only to be issued through a solicitor.