Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

439 replies

januarycat · 11/04/2014 20:37

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
singaporefling · 13/04/2014 19:50

JC I can't say anyhing that hasn't already been said - I'm just another mumsnetter that cannot imagine the torment you've been going through. I'm sure they'll be home soon Thanks - you've coped incredibly well and seem to have your action plan sorted to ensure this can never happen again

Jollyphonics · 13/04/2014 19:52

What did you say to him when he said he "thought" they'd be back tonight? Because if he was in Dover a couple of hours ago as he claimed, then he'd definitely be back tonight, no question. Is his phone showing a UK dialling tone now? Where does he plan to take them tonight if he doesn't bring them home?

insidethemind · 13/04/2014 19:52

Have been lurking all day. Your exH is a twat of epic proportions. You have done amazingly well to be so calm, JC. Hopefully your little ones will be back home with you tonight, but I would be in touch with the police on this, giving police ex's reg no and pointing out that they are in the UK but ex is refusing to give you an ETA and is still pissing about. You could mention that as far as you are concerned your kids are 4 days late home, he won't confirm if or when they are coming home and you are concerned about his state of mind and the welfare of your kids.

I would also point out to the police that there have been many documented cases of estranged partners messing about like this with less than happy outcomes so you will be escalating things should anything happen and they sit around and do nothing when you have voiced your concerns several times. I'm not for a moment suggesting that your ex will do something. But you need to put a stop to this or he will be pissing you about all week.

3littlefrogs · 13/04/2014 19:54

And get the name rank and number of whoever you speak to. Sad

HappySunflower · 13/04/2014 19:57

I hope you've got someone with you, I think I'd be going spare by now.
He's clearly playing games with little thought to what's best for your children which clearly isn't to be travelling home this late at night.

Toothytwo · 13/04/2014 19:58

I don't think AF missed a post. Hope they're back soon.

Lweji · 13/04/2014 19:58

AF has a point in that the children are not home yet.
Based on previous behaviour, I suspect they might not be tonight and that he'll do some more stringing along.

As for baking cakes, I'd be doing anything to keep me busy.

insidethemind · 13/04/2014 20:00

It's a shame we can't mobilise a few hundred MNetters to be there when he gets back. Angry

incogKNEEto · 13/04/2014 20:03

Fingers crossed your dc will be home very soon January still thinking of you. Your plan of action for tomorrow sounds good.

Itsfab · 13/04/2014 20:04

Please phone the police back. I am sure he will stop dicking about when he has a call from them. Call them. Tell them you waited until today as they asked but they are not back and he is now saying "possibly back tonight" that is not good enough and they need to check that he is at Dover and tell him he has X hours to have the kids back with you or else there will be an arrest warrant and kidnap order out.

Seriously. This has to be the last time he has the kids. Full stop. Not last time he has them alone.

Fairenuff · 13/04/2014 20:04

OP, if they are not back now, I strongly recommend phoning the police again.

I know your 10 year old told you they were in dover, but how do they know? Could just be going on what their dad says.

MarthasHarbour · 13/04/2014 20:05

I was about to also say that i would be baking cakes and all kinds of other things to keep my mind busy.

I am hoping that the radio silence means that they are home. I have had this thread on my mind all day Sad

x

AnyFucker · 13/04/2014 20:06

They said they were "on their way home" 36 hours ago, OP still doesn't know where they and is still getting an international dial tone ?

I really hope they are reunited very soon. I have a feeling the cake might have to wait though. < prays to be wrong >

LavenderGreen14 · 13/04/2014 20:09

I really hope they are back now and are busy eating that lovely cake.

AnyFucker · 13/04/2014 20:09

where they are

Original poster
januarycat · 13/04/2014 20:10

THEY ARE BACK

OP posts:
schlurplethepurple · 13/04/2014 20:10

I agree OP, phone the police. He said at 4pm they may be back in 4 hours. It is now past 8pm. He is taking the piss.

Bogeyface · 13/04/2014 20:10

I am afraid I have to agree with AF that this has gone on far too long. I would have been on to the police by 5 minutes past 12, there is no way Iwould have just waited all afternoon.

I can understand the baking, anything to keep busy, but I would not be allowing this to go on. He could be in fucking Oz by now!

Toothytwo · 13/04/2014 20:11

Hurrah!!!!

schlurplethepurple · 13/04/2014 20:11

X post and thank goodness for that!

Bogeyface · 13/04/2014 20:11

XPOST

Thank heavens for that!

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 13/04/2014 20:12

Been watching and praying for you so glad to hear they're back x

AnyFucker · 13/04/2014 20:13

Ah, it seems my scepticism was merely very badly timed

Thank Goodness for that. I'll have a slice of that Cake

Pannacotta · 13/04/2014 20:13

This thread is very upsetting to read.
Also have a bad feeling but hope to be proved wrong...

BosieDufflecoat · 13/04/2014 20:13

Oh January HOORAY x x x

Swipe left for the next trending thread