DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

Impressed by your strength.
Your reaction was well a kick on his balls.

To his place indeed. Twat.

Thank fuck for that!!!!!!

I was so worried about the outcome of this. I have read far too many books about parental abductions.

The bloody nerve that he knocked on the door and said he was taking them to stay at his!

Back to his? Cheeky fucker.

So glad they're home with you. And yes if you don't get those passports back, report them lost and get a solicitor to help you get new ones.

You must have been beside yourself. I'm so glad to hear they are back. Please see a solicitor to see if there is a way to protect yourself in the future - your H should need a letter of consent from you each time they travel out of the country anyway (and vice versa). Neither of you can take the children out of the country without the other's consent, so if you refuse your permission it will work both ways. If he did take them on holiday and fail to return them you would pursue him through the courts under the Hague convention for child abduction and they would be returned (assuming they go to Australia or other hague convention signatory country) and unless the rules have changed you would always get legal aid for that. It's really best to get yourself court-ordered up to the eyeballs though to try to prevent anything like that, take the belt and braces approach . Let your H know you mean business, you won't be put through this fuckwittery again. If he tries to fuck with your head when he hears from your solicitor, ignore him, put phone down, don't respond to texts etc - tell him you're forwarding all communications to your solicitor, tell him 'on legal advice' you're recording phone calls just in case it might be needed in court. That should shut the fucker up for a bit until you get the legals in place. Use a solicitor who has experience in this field - they will be listed on the Reunite website. If you want the details of mine, PM me and I'll forward them on.

Oh hoorah! Will keep following you and your growing strength OP :)

So happy for you!! I was really worried.

Glad you've got them home with you. Good luck and stay strong tomorrow!

this must have been really, horribly awful for you, he sounds incredibly nasty. Glad you've got them back, can only imagine your relief :)

Fantastic news, well done you! And yes, either get those passports or report them stolen asap.

He's a nasty little piece of shit, your ex

January, you're amazing. The way you handled their return is brilliant. Perfect.

My heart's been in my mouth all day too. I'm so, so glad you have your children back under your roof.

(If you report the passports as lost, will they be cancelled?)

Hope you all sleep well. x x x

Oh my god I am so relieved! Never EVER let him see them again unsupervised.

Squeeze them tight tonight.

Did your boys realise something was up? Or do they think it was just a normal holiday?

Please please please... Get yourself protected now. No time to lick wounds or hide away or come to terms with it. You have to act now.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding all RAaaa but I know only too well what it's like when your survival mode has had to be frozen and passive... And pretending reality wasn't happening to keep face and everyone happy and the shame and despair away. You get locked into it, especially in emergencies.

But that's working against you now, and if you're not very careful you'll let him destroy you whilst being calm and passive and hiding, whilst he kicks you until you and your children are destroyed. I hate that he can do that to you. You've held it together so well these last few days. You've been great. And it's totally not fair and it's asking a hell of alot of you and you've been through enough already (hug hug hug)... But you need to do this and find that bit more energy and strength to protect yourself and your wee ones. It's all there, but it's a load of hoops to jump through.

Please get cracking tomorrow and start building some armour and defenses. X.

Well done for getting them out of the car. He sounds bizarre, frankly. Your dc must be exhausted with it all. And you.

Tell everyone you talk to tomorrow he has the dc passports. Get advice on getting new ones or don't bother and report them lost and don't renew. But ask!

He won't get them to you will he? Where does he live?

The cost to renew is high and if you don't plan to travel outside the UK with them it might be an extra help in keeping them in the UK. I don't know, so ask the professionals and reunite the best thing for you.

I had to jump to the end of this thread to find out if things were ok, THANK GOD they are back - what a cunt he is :(

OP I was really frightened for you there. Please, please don't drop your guard. Start working through your list. Have you friends or other family who could help you financially if necessary?

So so happy that your children are back where they belong! Biggggg squeezes all round for you three tonight!

What an absolute bastard, so glad they are home with you.

Be strong OP, don't let the shithead put you through this again.

Really really glad your DC are back home with you. You must have been going out of your mind with worry, I really felt for you OP and hoped they'd return home ASAP.

Def work your way through that list and hopefully the evil bastard of an ex can't touch you in future. Stay strong Op, we're all behind you here.

I've lurked with a growing sense of horror so I'm delighted you are all back together. Report those passports as lost and take action. I keep passports live for my 2 even though we don't go abroad, that way I know the Ex can't apply for them and they never leave my possession.

Well done OP, you handled it all in an amazing way. Now never let them go.

So relieved for you!!!! Make him regret it.

And never ever think that you've overreacted. The whole of MN was horrified. Remember that.

oh SO relieved to hear this

Listen to Miscellaneous, get going straight away to put all the armour in place. Abusers don't stop, you have to stop them.

I think OP is a star; I am familiar with 'brain fog' unfortunately and am very impressed with your calmness in a crisis.

Please let us know how the follow-up plan goes.

I'm so glad to know you are all together again. Stay strong and follow through with your plan.