i am numb

[numb]

did anyone else's dh leave them for someone else and then come back?

Numb, poor you. Can't imagine how you must feel. Don't know what to say but I'm sure someone else will.

Huge hugs

thanx, it is like a dream as if it is not happening to me.

Has he come back, or are you hoping that he will?

I am so sorry. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Numb - do you want to talk some more about it? How recently did he leave? Been through something similar many years ago, ex-H had an affair and I kicked him out. He came back a month after that, and left again after another month so pretty devastating I know
Sending big hugs your way (((((((HUGS)))))))

he left last weekend after 2 weeks of hell. finally admitted to affair after lying and lying and once he did i said we could work at it was prepared to give second chance but he still went to her. kids are devestated. how could he put woman before them

poor you numb X

have you been following spook's threads at all? she has been going through a similar situation

hugs X

numb - have you read spooks thread - 2nd one and 1st thread ?

I think you will find some of the emotions familiar!

Please let us know if we can help you - and of course talking about it does help!

Oh Spacemonkey - great minds

Just read this numb - big hug. So sorry your going through this. Hope you find the support you need here.xxx

Numb I've been through it too. My h left three times and eventually stayed away. I don't understand about leaving children - have you got some support from family/friends? I think he may/may not come back - it depends enormously - not much use, sorry.

Numb: yes, my Dad left my Mum (well, she threw him out after 2 years on/off relationship with a much younger woman). He stayed away about 8 months, I think. My Mum started divorce/separation proceedings, and slowly started to make a life for herself, refusing all direct contact with him. Then she had a car crash and I had to call Dad to ask for the car insurance docs, and he jumped into the car, drove across the country to be with her, and never spoke to the other woman again. It took a while for their relationship to regain trust and a sense of being comfortable, but they are still together and happy 20 years later.
(N.B I am NOT advocating a car crash as a reconciliatory tactic...but it focus my Dad's mind on his real priorities, and speeded up his disillusion with the affair which was essentially a mid-life crisis, childish, ego-centric embarrassment. I think the fact that she did NOT call on him for help, or even contact him in quite a serious situation, was the jolt for him).

And numb, REALLY sorry to hear that you are enduring this pain. Big Hugs.

he is looking for place to live with her already!

Numb - Just to aecho what others have said, I'm really sorry he's putting you and your children through all this.

My Dad's affair was found out when I was 15, my brothers were only 4 and 1. My Mum forgave him and they are still together, but my Mum is miserable and she didn't really ever forgive him. Even though it was 10 yrs ago, the bitterness is still fresh. She wishes she had just told him to bugger off and then concentrated on putting her and her childrens lives back together.... a short term (relatively speaking) hurt for a long term happiness.

I'm sure you'll find a strength you never knew you had and get through this fighting.

Numb, how are you coping? How old are your kids? Have you got family or friend with you?

thanks to all. I do have great friends and family who are very supportive, but none who have actually been through this. It is not just the split it is the complete indifference and lack of remorse on his part that i find hard to believe. Right up until he finally admitted that he wanted to be with her he was saying he still loved me and wanted to be with us. Now he is treating me like something on his shoe, rubbing it in about his future with her and how nice she is etc and telling me to go and find someone myself. kids are 10 and 12

i just want him to wake up and realise the enormity of what he has done. He was such a family man, but just insists the kids will get over it

Sound exactly the same as mine, nasty cruel pieces of work. Don't really know what advice to give you. It hurts like hell. I think they just switch off to protect themselves and clarify they are making the right decisions. Its quite pathetic really and it gets very tiresome.
I hope you get strong thats my only help, i had never had so much pain in my life. Good luck with it all, i really truly feel for you xxx

numb, sounds like a big MLC to me (mid life crisis).

numb my sisters dh left her for a girl 11 years younger than them when her 1st ds was nearly 3 and she only had 8 weeks to give birth to their second ds he came back for the birth on the Thursday and left her on the monday - that was 3 and a half years ago and she has never really got over it until now. 7 months ago she started a relationship and then last week her enstranged dh told her that he and his gf have split and although shes not saying it I think she feels really confused but all I can say is please try and stay strong for your kids because although my sister suffered the loss of her partner the boys lost their dad and their mum because thats exactly how I would have described my sister for the last 3.5 years - lost! Big hugs and kisses because I watched my sister suffer and Im begging you to try and be strong - take care!!

Numb, how are you doing?

hi blu. i am the proverbial roller coaster, one minute seething with anger and next minute sobbing again thinking of the past and what could have been in the future. the pain is physical and i have never been through anything so bad in my life

Oh Numb, this is horrible. Has he actually left, packed and gone by now? Has there been any talk of how you are suposed to manage re finance, childcare etc? Do you think it is a meaningless fling, or what? How did you feel in your marriage before all this started? Sorry - bombarding you, but I feel sure that there must be lots of MN-ers with very wise and strong support for you based on particular circumstances.
So, so sorry.

I know numb - it is awful isn't it. Its 10 years since my exh left and I still get a jolt when I read messages or have friends going through it! I am now happily remarried with 2 young children - life really couldn't be better. But I can still remember those feelings of utter desparation and feeling totally desolute as if it happened only yesterday.

Hang on in there - things will get better - you will get better. Let yourself have time to grieve for it is as much a bereavement as if he had died, there is no doubt of that. Have you got friends and family to take care of you over the next few weeks?

thinks he is in love. everyone who knows is shocked and say he will come back but i am not so sure because of the way he has been i feel as if he is stranger. it is all happening so fast but says he will take care of finanaces in short term. i know he misses kids alot