i am numb

[numb]

did anyone else's dh leave them for someone else and then come back?

Hi numb, he has been full of regret and says he still loves me - b***ks does he. If he loved me even a teeny bit he would NEVER have put me through this - not once but twice!!!
I don't see how I could ever have him back again. The trust is completely smashed. I still love him and miss him. My best friend and soul mate has gone and that hurts so much.
I think your right it is just another shade of green, but I suspect by the time he realises that it will/is too late. So many of our friends are in shock as they all thought we got on so well. We even went travelling together in a motor caravan for a whole year when DDs were 2 & 3. You would have thought if the marriage could survive that it could survive anything! He has thrown so much away.

i know they give up so much for so little. I feel like you the trust has just gone

Awww, I hope the both of you are having a good day today.

I can't imagine being in that position so I won't even try to offer advice but from another perspective, my sister had an affair with a married man last year and knew nothing of his wife and kids until one day his wife confronted her. They'd been seeing each other for nearly a year and my sister was devestated to find out he was married and she'd wrecked a marriage, especially as the youngest child was only 18 months old.

Even now this man is still pestering her, and she has had to move away. Like someone else said, it sounds like a mid-life crisis to me, though I don't suppose that makes the hurt any less.

numb, mumski, just caught up with this thread. found out my h was having an affair four weeks ago. i have felt so much of what you have described and things you say give me hope. it is so true they give up so much, whole lives, for so little. i am still trying to understand that. good luck to you both.

Oh Granarybeck I'm so sorry your in this aweful place too. I have to say the last few days have been a bit better as the ADs have started working. Are you keeping busy and getting out. Let me know how your coping.

hi granary sorry to hear your sad news too, has he actually gone? hugs xx

mumski glad you are feeling better i found the AD's helped alot, didnt take pain away but made me cope with it in a better way. Has your h actually tried to come back to you?

its day five since he's gone. he does want to come back but at the moment i don't know if i can do it after everything he's done and the trust and family he has broken. i am trying to keep busy, mainly just things to make sure the kids are okay. just getting through each day at the moment, but at night its waful knowing tomorrow it will all still be the same. i just never ever expected to be in this situation.

Granary - I've been through it - if you want to talk, here or e-mail me. My e-mail is at work and am leaving work soon so will change it - but that address still stands for another week.

He hasn't tried to come back this time as he knows I won't have him back a second time. He tells me he still loves me and misses me but at the same time is seeing her and has arranged to go on holiday with her. As far as I'm concerned the day he slept with her again he may as well have signed the divorce papers - I just can't see any way back. He even sat in counselling sessions with me at Relate while he was sleeping with her/sending me Anniversary /valentine cards/flowers. I can never forgive this decite. What I'm trying to do now is get through each day, trying not to be angery and bitter and trying to be civilized to him as I end up getting too upset otherwise.

Granarybeck e mail me too at any time.

have you found being on your own gets any easier? i just feel so lost and awful being on my own after being half of a pair for such a long time? i keep telling myself to try and get through each day at a time and it will get better but i can't see why it will. i have lost my best friend, my way of life, everything. i think you prepare youself for lots of things in life that may happen but this just wasn't one of them.

granary i am sorry. At first there was not even ONE minute of the day that i didnt think of him, long for him remember him etc. Time really IS a great healer. I am not saying i am over it, we are still married there is such a long way to go yet, but the pain has slowly lessened and i can laugh again. In the early days i could barely function, could not go shopping, watch tv, anything remotely normal but now i can go hours without dwelling on it.

You will get stronger i promise but the healing process does take time

thinkin of you xxxx

Granarybeck I've had a few good days by keeping myself manically busy and feel fairly ok. But I suspect if I slow down it's really going to hit me again and I'm dreading it. I think my turning point was giving in and starting to take the Ads. Is this somthing you would feel comfortable with?
I REALLY don't know how I would have coped otherwise. Please be strong and don't let the b win. There is light for us. Do e mail me.

my h has been an arse again grrrrrr

ooooh, sorry, numb? What's he done now?

hi blu basically he is moaning about money and being broke - shame, and also i don't think he sees the kids enough and i think he should have more responsibility. he has never had them for a night, practically lives the life of a single bloke. When they leave and go off with their floozie it is as if part of their brain goes as well ( or even all of it).

grrr too. That really makes me want to scream. Why do they think they - anyone - can just walk away from being a parent? It shouldn't be a choice, should it? A relationship is something we can choose, or not, but once you are a parent, you are a parent. End of story. the kids have no choice - why can't errant men SEE this? Grrrr. And it puts SO much extra pressure on women at the time they can least bear it. GRRRRRRRRRRR. Anyone ever managed to get a man who is doing this to understand this?

my ex never understood a thing IMHO!! i did ask once how many affairs he had - he couldn't remember. it is incredibly painful, but i wouldn't have him back at any cost. I liked the description of climbing up the cliff - it does feel like that. nearly 2 years on, though, I think I'm nearing the top.

I have a little motto (which is going to sound really, really silly) but basically if I attempt to smile and be cheerful all day then I do, in fact have a better day!! children are upbeat and less inclined to be difficult (though they still have their moments of course)

The bit i still don't understand is why we didn't see all this when we married/moved in with them! Did they change or did we?? or all of us. I also think that although it appears that they have a riotous single life, they have lost out in many ways and do start to see that. I have several single male friends (who didn't behave like my ex, but are divorced) and they are lonely in different ways, and sometimes much more so than those of us who have children etc because we all tend to have a network of other mums etc etc

this is a helpful thread - so many of us have been in the same place, and I really feel for those of you where its still quite new. Hang on in there - it really does get better!!

thanks gettingthere. it is good to hear a hopeful story. even if it feels like forever away now. ta

hi everyone, my h and the apparent love of his life have split up, he has left her.

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i feel angry in a way, as if it was all for nothing but the damage has been done, if that makes sense. NO, he has not tried to come back , he is living on his own, and to be honest i dont think he would have the nerve even if he did want to, he is a very proud person

hi saw this thread and it so applys to me. my h has had four affairs i didnt know about any of them untill 1 yr ago nearly the first 3 2yrs after we were married and the latest 1yr ago when i was 5 weeks pregnant i found out by pure accident.i must say even though been through year of hell on/off relationship (i said i would forgive him) we only seperated 5 weeks ago but looking back i am stronger now than last year. but its very difficult.he thinks he can be a better dad to ds & dd if he is not here!!!!!!!
do men have disfunctional thinking or what? they can seamingly just walk away living a single life doing as they please not answering to any one.My h lied for 9 yrs (if at first we do diecieve what a wicked web we weave)i just hope that with each day that passes i can be that little bit stronger.

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