i am numb

[numb]

did anyone else's dh leave them for someone else and then come back?

Not sure how to help but if you want to talk, or there's anything i can do, please let me know.

I have only just seen this numb - Haven't read the whole thing but have scanned your posts.
Im so sorry you are in this situation - I don't honestly think i can offer any advise at all, i just wouldn't even know where to begin if it was me.
I hope you manage to get through this OK x

Numb - I had Antenatal Depression that started at about 32 wks with my 2nd baby. It is quite common apparently. But you have had such a rough time I imagine on the whole things are getting you down and your hormones aren't helping.

When is the baby due? Do you have any positive thoughts about it? Are your kids excited about a new baby? Is your H back living with you?

due in april. yes my kids are pleased and i am trying to come to terms with it. h and i are talking through stuff at the moment. i am dreading christmas though so feel guilty to my others.

Do you want to be with him again? have you had counselling and has it helped?

i just keep praying but feel like god isnt hearing me.

we havent had any relationship counselling. he has promised me the world etc etc saying he has changed, knows what is important etc. I know your story too sykes does the trust part come back?

Numb - after all you have been through, you would be abnormal if you were on top of the world now. You are coming to terms with everything and it is painful and so hard to do. Have you thought of counselling? Someone objective and unbiased to talk to.

mostly, but not entirely. however, i refuse to check up on him at all, maybe foolishly, but I couldn't live my life like that. it's such a hard decision to make and you do leave yourself very vulnerable and it's also, in some ways, more difficult than splitting up as you need to get to know the person again. i'm not being much help, sorry.

the worst thing for me is that my family begged me not to carry on with the baby, so now i don't really have anyone to turn to . they will be saying i told you so. why didn't i listen to them something was just giving me doubts in the back of my mind. even my doctor tried to tell me that i would probably resent the baby when it was here but at the same time he said i would regret the abortion. so confusing. but i look at my kids and think i could never not want them and my dd wasnt planned. has anyone changed feelings of doubt after seeing their baby?

bump

I think you should talk to someone completely neutral.

I understand completely why you feel ambivalent about the baby at the moment, but I think that the moment you see the baby - your baby - you will love him/her for what he/she is - your baby.

I really wish you all the best with this. You have been so strong.

Numb I really did not want my third and resented my pregnancy all the way through. When she came she has been the greatest blessing of my life. I know my life would have been so much worse without her and the moment I saw her I loved her. She is without doubt a wonderful and spiritual child and even her birth was magical.

I could never have a termination now knowing how much I love her even with my ambivalnece throughout the pregnancy. I dont judge anyone who chooses a different path though each to their own.

numb, have wondered how you are but didn't want to hassle you. This baby could be the healing thing that you need, and maybe it will be the glue that fixes that situation with H? (as much as it can be).

While your family encouraged an abortion I am sure it was just something they felt they needed to say so that you don't get back with H for the worng reasons. I would bet money on the fact that its out of concern, and if baby had been concieved before all this there would be a celebration from them. What ever the case, you have made the decsion now, and for what its worth I think it was probably the right one, as there is nothing worse that looking back and feeling shit about these things, believe me!

When I got pregnant with ds1 dp wanted me to have a termination, as it wasn't in our plans (he has two children from a previous relationship and is 12 years older than me) and really didn't want anymore, I was adament that I wouldn't, even when he packed his stuff and pissed off, as I had a termination before, for no other reason as I was young and skint, and when I fell pregnant with ds I owned a house, had a good job etc.

Anyway, after much soul searching (on his part) he begged to come back, and said he was just scared, and that ds is now tucked up in bed and very much loved by all.

I know its hard, and my story isn't really related, but thought I would share it anyway, as sometimes things turn out better than you think they will, when I was 4 months pregnant and by myself I didn't think 3 years on I would be where I am now.

Keep posting, hugs x

sitting here crying once again. why are people so judgmental. why didnt i listen to my family weeks ago. feel i am on the edge i am scared for my own sanity. i have ruined my life. god help me.

numb I am not particularly familiar with your thread, but one thing that strikes me is that you sound a touch depressed (unsurprisingly given the lack of support from partner/family about your PG). I think you really do need to speak to GP or MW as soon as possible about how hard you are finding it to cope.

Numb, you will be all right. you will. you made your decision for a reason deep inside you - no one else had any right to decide in your place or to judge you. As has already been said, the baby is the blessing in all this and you will love him or her and not be able to imagine life without your child. Keep listening to that voice inside you that wanted you to keep your child. You will make it. Thinkingo f you.

You haven't ruined your life - your lowlife h started the ball rolling when he cheated on you, all you have done is responded in a human fashion. If your family think you should have terminated, well tough, you diddn't. And they SHOULD be supporting you now. You need support. Do you have a close friend who could help you. I would strongly suggest more councelling, keep in mind that sometimes it takes a few goes to find a councellor that 'suits' you. Good luck, my thoughts are with you. You will be ok.

Oh numb, I really feel for you.
I had bad ante natal depression during my second pregnancy & experienced a lot of the same kinds of thoughts as you.
My situation was different. My H didn't want any children & both my boy's were very much unplanned.
With DS1 he managed to get his head round it, but a second unplanned pregnancy was the worst thing that could happen.
I knew I couldn't go through with a termination, but wanted the pregnancy to magically disappear.
H was not supportive & at the time I felt I had ruined his life & things would never be ok again.
The only way I could get through my pregnancy was to almost be in a state of denial. I would wear clothes to hide my bump & hated people noticing I was pregnant.
I didn't speak to any of my MW's about it, as I felt selfish for having these feelings at what was meant to be a happy time. Looking back, I wish I had confided in someone earlier.
I did have a touch of PND after the birth, but it was a lot to do with home circumstances at the time.
I confided in my HV & had a course of counselling, which helped me a lot.
My DS2 will be 3 in March & I love him to pieces. He is such a characture & I wouldn't be without him for the world.
Please talk to your MW or someone about how you are feeling. Ante natal depression is actually quite common & you have been through so much.
I know at the moment it will feel like things will not get better, but they will.
Take care of yourself.xxx

numb, reading some of your earlier posts you come over as a very strong person who has worked hard to rebuild her life and come through some very tough times. But things are so so tough for you right now and maybe you do need some extra help to get through this part. Can you see a GP or other health professional and get an assessment for depression? with some help you will find that strength in you again.

thanks to everyone you are all so kind

rudolf....that is exactly what i have done, gone into denial. i hide the bump, and refuse to talk about it or acknowledge it. i have even changed my supermarket to one far away so i wont bump into anyone. i do not go out anywhere unless i have to. i just pretend it is not there and when i feel it kick i sort of block it out. i do not want to go out over xmas i cant BEAR it.

i will try to see someone next week. i do feel that if i wasnt pregnant and had had the baby i may feel better in myself but at the moment i feel EMBARRASSED and ASHAMED and so stupid. willing the time to go i feel guilty to my others cos i am acting differently . my dd says mom why do you look sad, you should be happy we are having a baby etc. it is soooo hard, i feel like i have had so much bad all in a short time surely it is time for me to have some years of good.

you have all been so nice without mumsnet i think i would be sectioned by now

You are not stupid, please don't think that.
You appear a very strong person, but you have been through loads & it is not suprising that you are struggling right now.
I can empathise with you 100% over the pregnancy feelings & I really feel for you, as I know how horrible it is.
I tried to confide in my Mum when I was around 5 months pregnant, but she just made me feel worse by saying "Poor baby."
I feel terrible saying this now, but I didn't even enjoy feeling him move, as it reminded me that I was pregnant.
I am glad you are going to speak to someone about it. I really wish I had sought help before the birth.
I know nothing we can say will make it all better for you at the moment, but it will get better in time, I promise.
If ever you want to CAT me, feel free.

thankyou rudolph i have sent on my e-mail address and i will cat you.

Numb your baby will be a blessing and you will be ok. I went through my third pregnancy hating it and not wanting it but my third child is a wonderful and precious gift and I love her more than I can ever say.

It was a weird feeling not wanting to be pregnant, I felt at war with what was happening to me but in the end I was rewarded more than I can ever say.

The horrible things which are happening to you at the moment wont be helping at all and you really do need to use all the support you can. Tell your family that you need them to be strong for oyu as well.

Big >>>

How are you today, numb?