i am numb

[numb]

did anyone else's dh leave them for someone else and then come back?

Numb - I've just caught this thread again and have read your post of 10th April. It's late tonight and I'll try and get back to you tomorrow. What about playing Desree's 'You gotta be' for words of wisdom!

Please feel free to e-mail me via 'contact another talker' if you wish. xx

Numb - I know you are feeling really low and will not want to do many things but have you ensured you're financially secure etc. Please make sure all the bills, mortgage etc, are up to date for your sake and your children's sakes.

I know it's very hard thinking about things like that when your mind is occupied with him but it might be the last thing on his mind at the moment and I don't want you to come a cropper!

Don't be frightened of seeing a Solicitor. I know they cost money but I think the first half hour is free. Just because you see one, doesn't mean you've got to start divorce proceedings. Please make sure he is giving you enough maintenance.

Do you have any single or single again friends? Are you managing to find your own space? And time for you? I remember it was very hard passing the children over to him for the first time but then I got rather selfish about it and looked forward to 'me-time'. I began to meet new people (I met a lot of platonic friends after splitting with my ex. and these people remain good friends today). It is very hard venturing out as a single-again and that is why I am asking if you have any single friends.

I did a lot of positive things whilst I was single. I returned to college, went working behind a bar (which he'd banned me from doing whilst we were married) and became involved in charity work. I did have a few male friends but I didn't rush into meeting them straight away.

I'm now living with a wonderful DP whom I met on the Internet. We plan to marry when we can afford it and when we've both slimmed down

I see the ex twice a week when we are swopping the kids over. We get on quite well now. He married her and they now have a lovely son. DP has a son too and there have been occasions when all four children have played together for 10 minutes or so. There is no going back though. Even if the chance occured, I wouldn't dream of hurting my DP. I was telling Spook a couple of days ago that I accidently touched ex's hand at weekend and automatically withdrew my hand. I often wonder what it would have been like had nothing happened at all so it's true that I still mourn in a way our family as it was, however, I'm not attracted to him now. Does that make sense?

The 'letting go' is a slow but worthwhile process and you cannot put a time value on it. My advice is to try and find something positive that will occupy your mind in the meantime. Do you have parent(s) around you and/or sibling(s)? Where do you live?

Today I woke up and the knot in my stomach was only half the size that it normally is, although i still felt sad, it didnt feel as bad. I don,t miss him anymore, i have got used to it, but i do miss the family things.

Am i climbing back up from the bottom of the pit?

numb, it sounds as if you are at least learning a more comfortable way to carry the burden of the pain. Good to hear from you.

Numb,

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better today. In my experience it's a one step forward (today) and then 2 steps back, but hang in there you are doing so well . It's a long tunnel that you are going through, but eventually the light comes!

It takes time, but you do heal, and life will be better at the end, but when you are going thru it if feels unbearable.

This is the beginning, you will have days like this more and more, and I know you don't believe this, days when it doesnt hurt at all.

BIG HUGS

OMG i have met someone and i really like him (in lust i think) is this too soon is it a rebound thing, only two close friends know help i don't know how to cope with this, should i just see what happens if it helps me get over h? soooo confused and a tad hungover!

not sure if my advice should be taken but when I split from DP the only thing that got me out of the pit was to have a rebound fling!

It worked for me

Good luck - i hope he deserves you and treats you like the princess you are

thanks becca that is so kind

i have a date tommorrow - help

Good 4 you .

Don't have any advice, apart from enjoy yourself, you deserve to have a really nice time!

hey everyone i feel GOOD

good for you numb well done

thanks nik

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ggglimpopo thankyou for your post your story is inspirational glad you are so happy now

Hi Numb - same boat as you but probably a couple of months behind you as I found out 3 weeks ago. He did it before last autume and I took him back but he did it all again. The hurt and pain is unbelievable isn't it. So many of the things you have written are how I feel. But I'm taking hope in how you are begining to feel more positive - and fantastic news on the fling - go for it girl

Mumski, just found the sheet - have you e-mailed me as I can send it = can't find your address.

mumski hi so sorry you are enduring this HORRIBLE pain. I am so glad that my posts have helped you, things do slowly but surely get better. We are actually civil to each other now, almost amicable, but i can obviouly never forgive for my kids sake more than anything else.
I have done alot of things that i would never have done when we were together, it is as if a new scarred but stronger you emerges. I do still have my down moments, but that's all they are rather than days. He has regular contact with the kids and it did used to upset me but now i plan something for myself each time. At the moment i am insisting he see them more often because i feel he should share the responsibility.
My little fling fizzled out i am afraid think he was scared off by all of emotinal baggage.
Have a platonic friend though who is a good laugh and has helped me because he has been through similar, he is nice looking but who knows where it will lead. I think he may want more but i am not really ready.

My motto for you is "one day at a time"

Are they actually living together, is she younger and childfree (they usually are). Hope you feel better soon, take care and try to eat properly. If you are not sleepng see you doc, i did and it helps.
Hugs xxxxxxxxx

ugsxxxxxxxx

oops

Hi numb
actually she and her husband were friends of ours for many years and they have children too. So 2 families have been wreaked by their actions. No they aren't living together (yet) but seeing each other all the time. My h knows if she comes within a mile of my children I will make it bloody difficult for him to see them. I've put up with so much crap from him and his isn't getting away with that!!!!
Thanks for the support Numb - I know it will get better but seems a long way off a the mo.
Sykes - have just e mailed you through 'other talker'

hi mumski

my kids new the other woman and she them and they wont have anything to do with her, they hate her and they will only see h if she is not there

How old are your children?
Mine are 8 and 9 and thinks I don't want them to see her because she smokes - ah bless! but they are cottoning on fast. I'm trying hard not to be vindictive but failing sometimes.

nearly 11 and 13. It is very hard not to be vindictive, but when they know your kids you can't believe they can do such a thing. What is it like between you and h, how is he with you. Mine was absolutely HORRIBLE to me for about 6 weeks, but then he started to be nice to me. Now he actually chats on the phone etc and asks how i am. He did quiz me abit about wether i was seein someone, wanted to know who it was cos of who i might be introducing to kids, cheek!

The chances are he will come back (yours i mean, not sure about mine,) most do - the grass is never greener just a different shade. Would you give him another chance??

one of the hardest things for me was facing people for the first time, i was sick of hearing i am sorry about you and etc etc, folks love a scandal when it is not theirs. Its 3 months now and its pretty old news to be honest.