Numb - I've cut 'n' pasted something I wrote to Spook. Here goes:
To give you a background when my 'ex-now' walked out, he left me aged 35, with dd aged 3 and ds aged 1, for - you've guessed it - the blonde in the office 10 years my junior. And yes, it had been going on for a while. He hummed and harred about whether he wanted to go. I told him to finish it with her. He then moved out because he wanted 'space'. Sounds familiar?
Oh I wanted him back so much. I was willing to forgive. We'd been married for 12 years and done so much together. And then I found I was married to a total stranger who became upset when I tried to contact him. This was all during the long hot summer of '95 but I didn't see much sunshine.
Things did eventually sort themselves out but not in the way I initially wanted them to. To describe what I went through, it was like falling into a muddy trough when you are sliding down a banking and can't get hold of anything. You don't know how far you have to fall but it's hurting and you are panicking as you fall deeper.
Eventually you will land at the bottom. On the other side of the trough is a rugged but higher earth face. There will be two ways of getting up. It's possible that he may be waiting at the bottom and you may both have to start to climb your way out very slowly and carefully. Or you may have to do it alone (you know when you are ready to try when you 'let him go'. It will be a slow and cautious process but when you get to the top, you will look down onto the trough with a sense of achievement and satisfaction. You will also look across to the other side and realise you are on a much higher level and how strong you are (like I say, this will take time).
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Numb, I fully understand that you are going through a mixture of emotions. Take your time and look after yourself.
(Sykes - how did you go on last night?)