Oh fuck, I really need a hand holding tonight.

[HeadFairy]

Just found out that dh is cheating on me.... He's been out on the lash tonight and yet again he texted to say he's staying up in town. I texted him to ask if he was having an affair, he went all coy on me, pretending he didn't know what I was talking about. But I found his online dating profile on his iPad and his browsing history had searches for 5 star hotels in Dublin. We're not planning to go to Dublin. He's just said he's coming home to talk.... And now I'm shitting myself.

So is he coming back now? He needs to, you need to sort this out.

He hasn't been particularly secretive with his phone, but the only thing I don't know the password to is his blackberry. But that's a work phone so I guess they can't really use them for personal stuff. It would be too obvious.

Sorry to hear your h is being an arse. That's the horrible thing isn't it, suddenly your life swerves off in another direction? It'll be ok, but it's scary.

Love... He says he is. God knows how he gets back from the city at this time. We're not far from Gatwick so maybe he'll get a train to the airport and then a cab.

God, even if none of this is true, even if he isn't having an affair, he can't keep doing this to me. Disappearing, going off grid, turning off his phone (he claims he had no reception - in Central London???)

Just found another search on his iPad... How to eat pussy. Really??? At 43 he has to look this up???

Jesus, how ridiculous.

No, he can't. Maybe this is the wake-up call he needed? Time to stop living in fantasy land and return to the real world. 43 yo men with families shouldn't get drunk and miss the last train home as a matter of course.

Maybe you calling him out on it is exactly what he needs, the ball is in his court to prove himself by his actions now.

You're right he should be doing this, your change in finishing time should have meant more time together not an excuse to go back to his old ways.

We never seem to spend any time together. Even when he's home he watches football all the time. He sits in one room watching footy, me in another. He has a season ticket so every other Saturday he's at footy too.

He has episodes of really immature behaviour, like he's a carefree 20 year old. Before we had the kids he would regularly get so drunk he would forget where he lived or be unable to get home so I rescued him from various places in the middle of the night. He hasn't been that bad for a while, but it's creeping back.
Thing is, I don't want to be some horrible cow who doesn't let him out or have some fun. But it seems he just can't moderate himself when he does.

Hope he has come home and given you some answers!

Toughasoldboots.... Poor you. Back pain is a misery

I do want a future with him, but if he's cheated all bets are off. I have never cheated on a partner, I feel very strongly about it. If he's feeling a bit middle agey and a bit down about it and it's just a silly fantasy then I'm sure we can work around that. We need to make some changes. It's all too easy to lose your way when you're both working long hours to keep the roof over your head, and the kids are young and demanding. It's too easy to lose the spark.

I can hear a car outside, I think that's his cab...

Good luck

Thinking of you xxx

Hope everything turns out ok x

Good luck OP I hope things get sorted out and well done for confronting this head on. When I was in the same boat as you I didn't know about MN and as result made bad decisions and suffered longer, so keep posting for good solid advice whatever happens and most of all look after yourself

This isn't a. Question to answer now, but where does this pressure to be a cool wife come from?

lurking and waiting to hear what his sorry excuse is going to be...

Really hope it goes ok.

Hand holding! !

Hope everything goes okay!

x

Good luck op I hope you get the truth of this.

Hope your ok x

Hope you're doing ok op