DH caught red handed

[ColdFeet123]

I was out last night and got home a little earlier than I would normally, around 11.30ish. When I closed the front door I heard DH leap out of his desk chair and leg it into the living room (he's not exactly light on his feet, hence hearing him pelt it across the flat). When I approached the study, I noticed two unusual things: 1. Google was open in explorer and 2. The webcam was placed on the edge of the desk pointing downwards towards, ahem, crotch region.

Now, he only uses safari and NEVER uses explorer and the webcam is always placed on top of the monitor. These two things coupled with the fact that he legged it into the living room and had a very guilty look on his face has concerned me somewhat.

Now I'm massively paranoid that he was doing something that he really shouldn't have been doing. I started panicking and did a little light google research and discovered that some people have found their spouses cheating via Skype and other such tools.

DH has an extensive porn collection and I've known (and accepted) that for years. I don't mind him looking at his, albeit sometimes "different" porn, but I don't think I could cope with him doing the dirty with someone else using a webcam. That just seems a little like cheating to me.

We didn't talk about it last night, I was too furious. And I don't want to lose my sh1t without some hard evidence of what he was up to. Problem is, I have no idea how to go about it. Or am I just being massively paranoid? I can't even look at him today.

VS's very valid points were being buried in conspiratorial rhetoric

VS's original point was that if OP accepted his porn use, she should accept all porn and not try to police which porn he could look at and which he couldn't.

Therefore, VS is saying that if you have no problem with 'regular' porn, you should not have a problem with 'ladyboy' porn.

So VS is telling the OP what she should feel and this could be interpreted as dismissing her concerns about what her husband is up to on the internet.

My point of view is that it's ok to not want any porn in your marriage.

So I am supporting the OP in her choices.

It wouldn't be for me, I wouldn't want a man who could disregard the abuse in the porn industry for his own sexual kicks, but as long as OP is happy to live with a man like that, that fine for her.

I suspect, though, that OP is not all that okay with it, especially the webcam use.

No, I said if you were ok with porn I found it strange to limit it based on gender and also probably not the best way to deal with someone who is sexually interested in other gender(s).

If you want to be in a marriage with no porn, then that's your prerogative.

Either way, I'm done here. I've made my stance quite clear.

I do not believe that enjoyment of watching other persons having sex is a bad thing. I do not believe the OP's husband deserves to be judged on that basis either, nor do I think the comments (assumptions)about men who watch porn are helpful or necessary on this thread.

OP, I wish you all the best.

I said if you were ok with porn I found it strange to limit it based on gender and also probably not the best way to deal with someone who is sexually interested in other gender(s).

Yes, that's what I thought you said. But I disagree. I think OP has a right to state where her boundary lies.

She cannot stop him watching what he likes but she can choose not to be in a relationship that oversteps her boundaries. This is what I think she should be making clear to her dh.

Otherwise it sounds like she will just keep 'accepting'

I do not believe that enjoyment of watching other persons having sex is a bad thing

Presumably you mean as long as the women have freely consented? To having sex and for it to be shared on the internet. Otherwise, there is obviously a lot wrong with it.

Of course I mean with consent.
SSC principles should (imo) guide all sexual activity, whether it is with one person, multiple, recorded or paid for.

Of course I mean with consent

So, how do you know when you are watching porn, if the woman consented?

*Of course I mean with consent

So, how do you know when you are watching porn, if the woman consented?*

You don't.

As I already said, I'm done here. My points have been made quite succinctly. There are plenty of places you can get porn from and have no idea how dodgy it is. There are also places where you can get porn that have interviews with the actresses afterwards or other ways of determining consent.

Obviously you'll never be able to distinguish between the porn INDUSTRY and pornographic films, nor understand that to like one doesn't mean you must like the other so there is zero point in continuing the 'discussion'.

^It certainly was a dissection but you yourself are wrong on so many points.

Sounds like you've just swallowed a dictionary, lol^

Well, it speaks volumes that you attack my posting style, and eloquence (as though using appropriate, and varied vocabulary is a bad thing ), rather than deal with the points in question, other than to say I'm "wrong". It's cogent, but not the most compelling argument, is it?

And on that basis, I'm also "out". As VS said, there is no [intelligent] "discussion" to be had.

There are also places where you can get porn that have interviews with the actresses afterwards or other ways of determining consent.

Yeah, right. Because the actresses couldn't be coerced into giving interviews saying how happy and life-affirming it is to be involved in the porn industry

Unless you know that the person is free to speak their own mind, with no consequences to them or others, you can never be sure that they are consenting freely.

You call them actors. Actors lie. Actors portray an image which is not themselves. What makes you think this doesn't happen in porn.

It's all about keeping the punter happy isn't it. As long as they don't have to feel any guilt for funding the abuse of women, they will keep parting with their money.

Fair:
It's a lot easier to pretend that all that moaning and cries of delight are in fact real, as the other option is just too much for some mortals to compute, and of course, then digest that they are in fact funding it.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your reports. Can everyone please remember to bear in mind the talk guidelines when posting?

If you have an issue with anyone else's posts, do report them to us and we'll take a look.

I trust you will be judging the OP's own most recent posts in the same vein as the rest of the thread, Amy. They contain some of the worst angry and abusive content on this thread.

Every time I look at the title to this thread it makes me wonder the state his willy was in if his hand was red hot.

"My point have been made quite succinctly"

All you've managed to do VS is fill this thread with random nitpicking of posts that don't even relate to the issue at hand. All you've achieved is successfully getting giddy in your efforts to excuse your own porn habit.

I think we should end this thread now...the phrase "lol" has been used a couple of times now and I'm sure we can all agree that this is absolutely not acceptable!

Well said AF, it works both ways.