DH caught red handed

[ColdFeet123]

I was out last night and got home a little earlier than I would normally, around 11.30ish. When I closed the front door I heard DH leap out of his desk chair and leg it into the living room (he's not exactly light on his feet, hence hearing him pelt it across the flat). When I approached the study, I noticed two unusual things: 1. Google was open in explorer and 2. The webcam was placed on the edge of the desk pointing downwards towards, ahem, crotch region.

Now, he only uses safari and NEVER uses explorer and the webcam is always placed on top of the monitor. These two things coupled with the fact that he legged it into the living room and had a very guilty look on his face has concerned me somewhat.

Now I'm massively paranoid that he was doing something that he really shouldn't have been doing. I started panicking and did a little light google research and discovered that some people have found their spouses cheating via Skype and other such tools.

DH has an extensive porn collection and I've known (and accepted) that for years. I don't mind him looking at his, albeit sometimes "different" porn, but I don't think I could cope with him doing the dirty with someone else using a webcam. That just seems a little like cheating to me.

We didn't talk about it last night, I was too furious. And I don't want to lose my sh1t without some hard evidence of what he was up to. Problem is, I have no idea how to go about it. Or am I just being massively paranoid? I can't even look at him today.

If he had the ladyboy porn as a way of exploring his sexuality and he still feels that he prefers women, and to be in a relationship with a woman, why keep the shemale stuff?

I'm not overly comfortable with him getting his kicks from it on a regular basis.

If you wish, you could decide that his preferences in porn use are of absolutely no concern to you and play no part in your relationship at all

Why accept being "uncomfortable" for the sake of his hard on ?

You don't have to do that. Imagine not feeling obliged to look the other way for the sake of the prize that is him ?

Sorry but my reaction is uggh

I don't mind the solo wank.

It's the camera.

"If he had the ladyboy porn as a way of exploring his sexuality and he still feels that he prefers women, and to be in a relationship with a woman, why keep the shemale stuff?"

What I'm saying is: If you don't have a problem with pornography per se then who are you to define his sexuality/desire? Being in a relationship with a woman doesn't make someone straight. Some people fall in love regardless of gender and don't limit what they are attracted to because of it.

I just think it should be either porn or no porn - not limits on which type of porn he can watch (gender specific obviously - I can understand some people have concern for more aggressive porn).

Who is anyone else to tell the OP what she should and shouldn't be comfortable with? You sound very sensible and grounded to me, OP, good luck.

I'm not sure what the problem is. He was engaging in some kind of interactive porn and you have already said that you're comfortable with porn.

"if you wish"

Nobody should feel obliged to put up with something that makes them uncomfortable. We all have a choice

There are men out there that respect women and don't push the sexual boundaries of their relationship.

How is it disrespectful to be attracted to men as well as women? Or 'ladyboys'?

Denying someone's fluid/bi sexuality is far more disrespectful, imo.

So he wanking in front of the camera, to who exactly???

OP, nothing wrong with giving things a go but remember if you are not comfortable with his porn habit you are perfectly entitled to tell him, if he can't live without it then perhaps he needs help, you should be enough for him, I am sorry but he sounds so sleazy and I'd be making sure HE got rid of his extensive porn collection. He actually has to want to change, I'm not so sure if you will find yourself back in the same boat in six months time, I hope not, I hope he appreciates you more than a frigging wank on camera.

I find it disrespectful to be lied to and that even if my partner knew he was doing something that made me uncomfortable, he did it anyway

Porn is not an essential part of life, like food and oxygen (although seem people seem unable to get through life without it)

He says he was wanking but not showing anyone. What did he say about having the camera in front of his penis?

I'm glad you had a chat last night but like you, I'm not entirely sure you got to the bottom of what was happening.

I was found out by my wife for doing something very similar. Not so much found out but it got to the point where I couldn not lie anymore and ended up having to confess everything, one of those was occasionally showing myself on webcam.
It was a very rocky time in our marriage, my wife and I were both recovering from depression, my wifes was more severe than mine. The focus of our life was on the children, not us as a couple.
I did some really out of order things and I would not have blamed my wife for throwing me out.
To cut a long story short we ended up councelling as a couple and me individually.
Ever since things have got better and better and we are now tighter as a couple than either of us can ever remember. This was all 6 - 7 years ago.

Amoungst other things I was putting myself on webcam for both men and women. I had no intention of ever meeting anyone for real, I never met anyone for real and would never have met anyone for real.
At the time my wife saw it as cheating.
Now she has a different opinion, she knows I would never have physically gone through with anything. Her mind had been opened to realise that people do some odd things, it does not necessarily make them wrong.

For some this is intollerable, others can handle it.

I no longer do any of the things that caused upset in the past, I've no need to.

I guess what I'm saying OP is that it does not have to be a dealbreaker if you don't want it to be. If your relationship is strong and you are both willing to be openminded, strong, honest and respectful then these things can work out.

Let the stoneing begin

Andy, yes some folk can get past it and don't see it as cheating, some, like me do, in other words, having interactive sexual relations with strangers online = cheating, imo.

Very risky thing to do as well, putting yourself out there, in fact putting your most intimate parts out there.

Sorry but how was it not physical if you were getting your kicks from strangers looking at you?

At the time my wife saw it as cheating.
Now she has a different opinion, she knows I would never have physically gone through with anything. Her mind had been opened to realise that people do some odd things, it does not necessarily make them wrong.

For some this is intollerable, others can handle it.

I no longer do any of the things that caused upset in the past, I've no need to.

...

Let the stoneing begin

Did you post that just to be goady?

OP remember I said about my friend's husband doing this. He was showing his knob to men on the internet. She found out when she found a picture of his penis on their family computer. He denied it.

He swore that it wasn't his penis. So she pointed out to him the background - their living room, their wallpaper, their mantelpiece, their photograph of their children on the wall.

Some people will just deny, deny, deny because they are too selfish to be truthful. They are prepared to risk losing their homes and families by cheating but when they are caught they suddenly realise that the gamble did not pay off.

He will tell you anything. It's up to you whether or not you want to believe him but you do have a right happiness, you do not have to compromise yourself to fit in around his porn use.

Andy, I am glad for you that your marriage survived your stupid selfishness and yes, you are lucky your wife still fancies you and has forgiven. My sexual respect for you would have withered irrevocably the day I found out you had invited other people into our marriage.

The way I see it is we're all human and we all make mistakes. Like I said, no-one is perfect, nope, not even you. I don't mind that he looks at porn, I really don't.

I think some people need to relax and not get their knickers in a twist because everyone has different opinions. If you don't agree with your husbands/boyfriends looking at porn, that's your opinion. Your husband/boyfriend probably has a different opinion, frankly. Good luck with that :)

Anyway, this wasn't a discussion about porn and I don't want to turn it into that. I've had a chat with my husband about what happened, told him how I feel and we will now move on from that.

If you don't agree with your husbands/boyfriends looking at porn, that's your opinion. Your husband/boyfriend probably has a different opinion, frankly.

Nope. We are both completely in agreement on this

OP, sorry if you are finding it difficult to compute but yes some of us will not tolerate porn within our relationship.

Nobody has their knickers in a twist, that was your OH.

And btw, no, not all boyfriends and partners think it's alright to have an extensive porn collection, in fact, I wouldn't be with a man that had any of that shit.

That's not making a mistake, that's taking the piss and showing your cock online. So by what you are saying, he just carries on getting it out and you are absolutely ok with it....really?

Have you considered telling him to get rid of the second Skype account and using just the family one for his work?

OP, I'm not actually sure you would have had a problem with anything your h did or whether he has given you the truth or not tbh. Your h is well aware now of what he needs to do and that ins to be more careful of getting caught out in future. I doubt you ever wanted this to end your marriage and you'd have been prepared to excuse him whatever.

I do wish you the best of luck with your relationship, however I have a feeling you will be posting about him again in the near future. Undoubtedly under a new name. GL

Victoriansqualor. Maybe Op isn't trendy like you? I wouldn't want to be with a "straight" man who liked ladyboy porn. You'd do better asking the OP if she has asked her husband if he is bisexual.
You are not covering yourself in glory by suggesting that the Op is in the wrong here, just because of some perceived "bi phobia."
And if her husband is gay, he is more than in the wrong to still be with his apparently straight wife (and getting all the hetero privilege) whilst he is entertaining penised persons in what would appear to be escalating behaviour (skpe wanking will soon turn, if it hasn't already into hook ups with penised persons).
Not that great for his "integrity" and quite self absorbed of trendy you to suggest that the OP has to put her feeling aside for somebody who seemingly is too cowardly to declare his.
That is what you are suggesting, isn't it? The female (as usual) hold the hand of some disingenuous twonk, living in a seemingly sexual liberated country (where he could, if he wasn't a coward) be straight up (pardon the pun) about where he wants to stick his knob?
So it's okay for the OP's husband to passively aggressively police his female partner's pussy, (assuming that he wants monogamy), but the OP, shocked and assuming that her husband is straight with a "quirk" not reel in the wanking with penised persons?
Next thing you'll be suggesting she watch her man fuck a man in order to prove her non homophobic credentials
Why don't you just sensibly suggest that you have picked up that her husband may be no all that he seems and that she realises this and makes a decision? Why does she have to play Mammy to suit your trendy, non empathetic (towards boring arsed, sometimes get their knowledge of "other possibilities" in a muddle when confronted with their husband sexing over the internet) agenda?

hinting at gay/bi prejudice because you have something against your (monogamous, supposedly) partner using interactive porn is really fucking out of order, tbh

Chill your angry little bones, stooshe.
All I said was that if she was happy with porn in her relationship (which she says she is - so is not in question) then choosing which porn he can/can't watch due to gender preference/attraction seems unfair, imo.
I never once said anything about him getting his penis out online nor did I suggest she should allow any sexual relationship with anyone other than herself, just be open to the fact that his sexuality may be fluid/unfixed/bi due to his attraction to 'ladyboys' (hence enjoying porn of that nature).

AnyFucker, I am not suggesting anything at all relating to the possible use of interactive porn.

The whole thread is about interactive porn!