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Relationships

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DH caught red handed

193 replies

ColdFeet123 · 06/04/2014 11:17

I was out last night and got home a little earlier than I would normally, around 11.30ish. When I closed the front door I heard DH leap out of his desk chair and leg it into the living room (he's not exactly light on his feet, hence hearing him pelt it across the flat). When I approached the study, I noticed two unusual things: 1. Google was open in explorer and 2. The webcam was placed on the edge of the desk pointing downwards towards, ahem, crotch region.

Now, he only uses safari and NEVER uses explorer and the webcam is always placed on top of the monitor. These two things coupled with the fact that he legged it into the living room and had a very guilty look on his face has concerned me somewhat.

Now I'm massively paranoid that he was doing something that he really shouldn't have been doing. I started panicking and did a little light google research and discovered that some people have found their spouses cheating via Skype and other such tools.

DH has an extensive porn collection and I've known (and accepted) that for years. I don't mind him looking at his, albeit sometimes "different" porn, but I don't think I could cope with him doing the dirty with someone else using a webcam. That just seems a little like cheating to me.

We didn't talk about it last night, I was too furious. And I don't want to lose my sh1t without some hard evidence of what he was up to. Problem is, I have no idea how to go about it. Or am I just being massively paranoid? I can't even look at him today.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 11:44

It felt more like a pat on the head actually Jan Grin

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 11:44

Omg Jan, seriously??
You specifically said AGAINST HER WILL.
That is rape! Plain and simple.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 11:44

Pissing on a woman is different.

Keepithidden · 10/04/2014 11:46

Its all subjective I suppose.

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 11:48

Yes I said against her will, I never mentioned sex or rape? Confused.

But okay Vic seeing as you are so desperate for me to say that word then yes, rape does occur in the porn industry, happy now?

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 11:48

Fair: exactly, having something done against your will doesn't just include rape.

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 11:55

Yes, yes you did.
"that would involve no doubt pain and possibly sex against the woman's will"

The OP has already SAID that by different porn she meant Ladyboy porn. Yet you claim it "would involve no doubt pain and possibly sex against the woman's will". You're just making yourself look like even more of clueless than you already were.

'Different' porn means not mainstream. In this particular case it meant involving 'ladyboys'.

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 12:07

I feel like I'm in a school playground....Confused.

Someone help!!!!

Vic, the best name calling person we have on MN.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 12:13

I'm not sure what point it is that you are trying to make Victorian.

Yes, women are abused in the porn industry. Yes some of them are raped. Yes some of them consent. You won't know by watching, which ones have consented and which haven't.

Therefore, by watching porn you might be watching a woman who has been coerced or threatened into pariticipation. By watching porn you are funding the industry so that they can continue to abuse women.

I'm sure the same applies to ladyboys and any other vulnerable person being used by the porn industry.

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 12:17

Years ago through no desire of my own watched this different porn, as Vic says, non mainstream, it clearly displayed the woman being abused in all manners, it was vile and I left, I'd seen enough, this has stayed with me for years, Vic, when you actually see what goes on you form your opinion, something like that as a woman hits you to the core, so no I will never be a fan of different porn.

Ladyboys are well known for being treated like shit, and yes, sexually abused on a regular basis.

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 12:22

My only point was that 'different' does not necessarily mean rape and abuse as Jan claimed (and then claimed she hadn't claimed Hmm).

AsAMatterOfFisk · 10/04/2014 12:27

You also usefully forget he has a secret Skype account......another thing to brush under that rug.

It's not a secret Skype account - OP knows about it.....?

You can call me closed minded all you want, it won't change my opinion or my assessment of the situation.

I like a bit of irony.

I've already reported your above attack on a poster calling them a witch, absolutely no need for personal attacks....this here: I have to say, I'd MUCH prefer my partner watch porn than be a nasty judgmental witch that got kicks out of telling someone in distress how 'perfect' they are.

Which poster is it directed at for it to be a "personal" attack?

Yes different, and remember the word extensive Vic, do you know exactly what he has got, no, and I doubt the OP has either as she clearly isn't into it.

Do you know either? Seems you are making just as many, in fact, more, assumptions. Quite ludicrous ones at that....see next quote....

I'm deducing from different and she porn` that it no doubt does involve a degree of pain and restraint,

Well done Sherlock, lol ... deducing and no doubt......many many assumptions all bundled into three strong words. There is a massive spectrum of sexual proclivities - babying, dressing up certain ways, foot fetishes, food fetishes, you name it, there is a sexual fetish for it. Doesn't have to be dark and sinister. And just because I'm aware of them, doesn't mean I've a particular penchant for any of the above either.

again Vic, my beliefs, you don't have to agree. Again, I never said rape, you did, like all the other horrible words you keep insinuating posters are using when they haven't.

One minute you are talking facts, then next "beliefs". Pick a route and stick to it. Facts or beliefs. Coz they are quite different things. And yes, doing something sexual against a woman's will, is either rape, or sexual assault. Please do look up the definition in law. It has been VERY clearly defined, and for good reason. And watching rape or sexual assault has it's own set of laws and potential charges. You'd be right to be concerned, if indeed that was the case.

I think it's time we left this alone, I will never agree with your views and you mine, that's fine, you need to calm down and realise that not everyone is A ok with a partner who does this sort of thing.

I think you need to calm down and stop being patronising. It's not helping your argument one iota.

I do very much dislike the ownership and herd mentality on here; that just because someone has posted on a public forum, they are entitled to be kicked about, judged, and persecuted. It's really not in the spirit of the place, and isn't particularly helpful, or insightful. Who do you think you are helping by behaving like this? I do hope the OP is okay, and has found some help and support here.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 12:29

My only point was that 'different' does not necessarily mean rape and abuse

Ok Victorian I think everyone would agree that it does not necessarily mean rape but even 'regular' porn is often abusive.

When OP first mentioned 'different' porn, I thought she probably meant gay. Her OP's extensive collection of ladyboy porn would certainly indicate a sexual interest in men and I can see why she would object to him looking at it (and possibly interacting with it) if he is not being open with her about his sexuality.

I think this is the most logical and likely situation with the webcam and it is that that the OP was posting about.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 12:31

Victorian is that you above?

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 12:34

Erm, no? Are all the people who DISagree with the OP the same person? Hmm
Please report to MN if you think I've name-changed to sockpuppet.

AsAMatterOfFisk · 10/04/2014 12:34

No, it's me. Smile

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 12:35

Oh okay, it sounded like a summary of responses of posts to Victorian. Sorry, wasn't suggesting sock puppetry, just nc fail which does happen sometimes Smile

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 12:44

Meanwhile, back at the ranch......

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 12:46

Ah, well, no. I don't bother name-changing for anything. I've been VS forever (almost). Smile

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 12:48

Yeah, keeps things simple doesn't it.

victoriansqualor · 10/04/2014 12:56

This is a very good point though, imo.

"I do very much dislike the ownership and herd mentality on here; that just because someone has posted on a public forum, they are entitled to be kicked about, judged, and persecuted. It's really not in the spirit of the place, and isn't particularly helpful, or insightful. Who do you think you are helping by behaving like this? I do hope the OP is okay, and has found some help and support here."

The OP came here for support and help, and even if some people don't agree with her husband watching porn that really wasn't what this was about and the idea that she is fair game because she posted here doesn't sit very well with the anger directed at other women being exploited and/or abused, really, does it?

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 13:02

Oh okay, it sounded like a summary of responses of posts to Victorian.

Hee, hee, love it.

AsAMatterOfFisk · 10/04/2014 13:09

No, it was a dissection of one of your recent posts Jan. It was unbearably contradictory and I couldn't contain my fisking any longer.

I can see why two different people having the same opinion in opposition to yours, faire etc could cause some consternation on your part. I don't usually post, but, VS's very valid points were being buried in conspiratorial rhetoric.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2014 13:11

But OP hasn't been 'kicked about, judged and persecuted' Confused

Where is all this abuse of the OP? Posters have taken pains to explain to her that they are supporting her right to say that she is not comfortable with ladyboy porn, 'different' porn, or porn of any kind. Also, that by ignoring the webcam use, the problem won't just go away and, in fact, she is sending the message that she accepts it the was she has 'accepted' his extensive porn collection (her words).

OP has returned to say that she is satisfied with her dh's explanation of the webcam but doesn't want to disclose what it was. That's fine, as long as she is truly happy. If she still has concerns, we are here to support her if she wants it.

Jan45 · 10/04/2014 13:18

It certainly was a dissection but you yourself are wrong on so many points.

Sounds like you've just swallowed a dictionary, lol.

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